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The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 7…WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26, 1895…Price Five Pence
The Dauntless Temperance Campaigner’s Revolutionary Sympathies Revealed
She is known for her campaigns against the use of wine, honey, and other products that she and her followers have deemed "dangerous to the people of London." These unfounded, and frankly ridiculous ideas of hers as well as her dogged pursuit of these ideas have made her a figure of some prominence, but is this all there is to the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner. One of our reporters was able to infiltrate her campaign and discover several shocking new revelations concerning the loyalties of the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner.
continued p. 3
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The Election for the Next Mayor of London Begins
The Streets of London are rife with slogans and banners. Campaigners flock to the streets attempting to gain the attentions and votes of the people of London for their candidate, filling those who listen with either zeal or scorn. The second election for the mayor of London is now in
full swing and gears of candidates campaigns have begun to rapidly turn. The announcements of the current candidates have caused quite the ruckus in London, and it would be remiss in our duties to the public if this publication refrained from informing its readers about the current goings on this election process. This publication was able to interview one of the candidates, and ask him about his policies and his plans for London if he is to be elected as the mayor of London. His slogans such as “Fair play, Fair game” and “Away with restriction and in with the bold, the daring, and the brazen” and his daring attitude sparked the curiosities of the people of London, and this publication sought to satiate those curiosities. Feducci and his followers were asked questions about their campaign such as how they would assist the people of London and what reforms if any are needed now after a year Sinning Jenny’s leadership.
continued p. 2
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The Price on Souls in London Have Increased by a Rather Noticeable Degree
After recent events in Spite the price of souls has increased. Speculation as to what the event was is up for debate as the Ministry of Public Decency refuses to answer any questions regarding said event. Our team of experts believe it to be the discovery of a large, illegal spirifering ring, and the confiscation of their ill gotten souls. This has in effect increased the sale of souls throughout London and led to a slight increase in the number of soulless citizens in London. We asked one member of the Brass Embassy his opinion and we were told that “Recent events have not changed the soul trade in any noticeable way and that prices for souls will return back to normal prices within a few days.”
continued p. 6
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Recent Darling of Veilgarden Accused of Taking Part in a Scandalous Affair
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 10…Saturday, JUNE 29, 1895…Price Five Pence
The Dauntless Temperance Campaigner’s Campaign of Bribery and Corruption
Corruption is sadly not an uncommon occurrence, but it appears that even those who claim the be the most righteous and well intending are not afraid to stoop to such lows as bribery. One of this publication’s reporters was able to infiltrate one of the headquarters of the the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner’s Campaign and brought back documents detailing an elaborate scheme. The question must be asked: if these people are greatly involved in her campaign then are the goals of the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner more sinister in nature?
continued p. 2
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A Plague of Political Fervour and Resulting Riotous Mobs Found Throughout London
The second election for mayor of London has brought about new candidates, excitement, and ideas. It has also brought about a gangs of rabid mobs of supporters, who attack the supporters of their candidate’s rivals. We asked the citizens of London on their experiences.
A lady by the name of Lallinka told us, “I have been wholly unaffected by it.” Another told us, “I’ve got to say I’m fond of all those of all these mobs, gives me some work opportunities and offers a platform for conversion of voters that’s rarely seen elsewhere. Someone has to bandage up all those bloodied dockers eh? And who better fit to do so than someone “wrapped” in bandages.”
Now this would lead some to believe that the these roving gatherings of political supporters are benign, but others tell stories of havoc caused by these mobs. A gentleperson known as the Scorched Sailor told us, “Honestly preferred it when no one would come near the Reck ‘cos they thought she was haunted. Now she can’t move in ‘er mooring fer protesters swingin’ lanterns and insults about.”
One individual we interviewed said that the election was, “A right b___dy mess.” As well as saying that, “I’d be rid of the whole d__n thing if it got rid of these mobs who do nothin’, but cause trouble and terrify decent folk from walking in the streets,” and that “Jack of Smiles causes less havoc on London than these mobs.”
Still another London citizen, who is known as The Antioch told us, “Every time I return to my lodgings back from a bout of campaigning, I get mobbed by these filthy vagabonds. I won’t even be home for thirty seconds before a horde of these wretches with nothing better to do are waving lanterns around like it’s the end of the world. Get jobs and do real work, that’s what I say to them.”
continued p. 3
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Sorrow Spider Nest Found Underneath a Warehouse in Wolfstack Docks
A recent string of sorrow spider attacks lead to the discovery of a nest of sorrow spiders. One would expect panic from locals, but the mood remains unchanged. This is an all too common occurrence in Wolfstack. There are many suspected reasons as to why this such a standard affair such a ship bringing stowaways, a recent explosion in the population of sorrow spiders in other parts of London, and a plethora of other reasons.
continued p. 6
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New Revelations on the Former Toast of Veilgarden Make Themselves Known
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 13…Wednesday, July 3, 1895…Price Five Pence
An Official Statement from this Publication
Recently this publication has been accused of dishonesty and sensationalism, and we here at the Phlegethonian Gazette wish to answer some of the criticisms leveled at this publication. The Phlegethonian Gazette exists to inform our readers of current goings on in a pertinent, expedient, and trustworthy manner. Some have criticized this publication of covering matters that are scandalous in nature for the attention of our readers. Our response is that this publications publishes this information to protect our readers from those, who have unscrupulous characters. If this publication does not publish stories on these villainous and shady individuals then they might unknowingly harm their own reputation or be used to further the the villain’s own plans. One does not go into battle unprepared and neither should decisions be made without the same care and preparation.
continued p. 4
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Support for The Dauntless Temperance Campaigner Diminishes as Support for Feducci Surges
Today recent reports have confirmed that support for the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner have been declining. On the other hand support for Feducci has been been steadily increasing. This new information has changed the many’s outlooks on the election. Many in support of the Temperance Campaigners have been attempting to double their efforts in the wake of their current situation, while in the camp of the Implacable Detective a strong effort is continued to be pushed forward towards getting their candidate the victory, but followers and supporters of Feducci cheer their early victory and continue with equal tenacity.
continued p. 2
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Former Darling of Veilgarden Flees to the Tomb Colonies
Throughout the past week new stories about Mister J____ M____ have been coming out with a regular frequency putting into question the character of Mister J____ M____. With recent outrage mounting it appears that the former toast of Veilgarden has left London to seek respite from the accusations that hound him now on a daily basis, and sought sanctuary in the Tomb-Colonies.
continued p. 3
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Eccentric Gentleman Attempting to Make a Rubbery Man the Mayor of London
As strange as it sounds a gentleman by the name of Gideon Stormstrider has gathered a small group of like minded individuals to try to attempt to make a Rubbery Man our next mayor. When asked as to why he believes that his candidate should be the mayor of London he told us, “Squidley (the rubbery in question) is a man of the people. He understands people. They don’t always understand him, but that’s politics for you. He just wants what’s best for London, and that happens to align with my own ideals about crushing the bourgeoisie. It’s a match made in heaven, really.”
It is truly a sight to behold at least a dozen individuals and a Rubbery Man attempting to push a political movement, which is insurmountable at the best of times into power with a Rubbery Man at its head. We are unsure at this time if this act is commendable for its bravery or if those involved should be locked up for the sake of the London citizenry’s state of mind.
“I don’t see the point in all the controversy about Squidley’s Rubbery status. If you don’t vote for the right Rubbery, then the wrong Rubbery might get in,” we were told by Mister Stormstrider. “I’m pretty sure Feducci is a Rubbery too, beneath those bandages. I could be a Rubbery, for all I know. Perhaps you are too.” We were also told that, “Some people say he’s high-strung. I say he’s high-energy. This is a rubbery man who truly cares about his constituents. You may not like it, but this is what success looks like.”
When asked if we could speak to the “candidate” himself we were told that, “I’m afraid Squidley is not available for comment at this time. He has that look about him. It’s hard to notice on someone who doesn’t strictly have a face, but he’s fuming about something. When Squidley starts frothing at the mouth, that’s when you know he means business.”
We asked one of the “candidate’s” supporters why they supported this endeavor. “In all honesty I just want to see how all this will turn out,” they said. “I don’t think that Squidley will win, but it has been very entertaining thing to watch.”
continued p. 7
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Current Fashions in the Brass Embassy
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 19…Tuesday, July 9, 1895…Price Five Pence
The Election Drawing to a Close
As the election draws to a close the people of London await in uncertainty and anticipation. Words are still be said to convince last minute voters to change sides, and others are still trying to rally their own in one last show of unity. This publication was able to ask several of London’s citizens their opinions on our second mayoral election.
Some are glad it is over like Lord Gregory Henchard, who told us, “I am glad it’s almost finished. This is the type of thing that can tear families apart. Dangling carrots in front of everyone and telling them all that only one carrot will be delivered. It’s the worst kind of nastiness that brings out the worst kind of nastiness that brings out the worst in people.”
Another by the name of Miss Honoria Kastern told us, “I can only pray London made the logical choice. I hold out hope for the silent majority. Now if we could only… I HEARD THAT! COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT, I’LL BREAK YOUR NOSE!.. Ahem, could only conduct next year’s election with a little more dignity and restraint.”
While still another told us, “I have heard many politicians be accused of horrible crimes such as slavery, consorting with devils, or worse consorting with foreigners. Only down here those accusations are true. And yet that man may still be our next mayor.”
On the other hand some of London’s citizenry have expressed their happiness in the election and in the process itself, which some have said gives power to the people of London for the first time in years. Others like an Advocate referred to as Bunnyapocalips told us, “A mighty fine spectacle! Almost sad it’s over soon, these are glorious times for Advocates. But I can’t deny I’ll be happy when all is said and done, and Feducci takes his rightful place.”
continued p. 3
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Jack of Smiles Attacks Have Increased
London citizens have been hit by a recent increase in the number of attacks made by Jack of Smiles. It appears that Jack has been attacking people increasingly in and around Ladybones Road. This publication’s sources have told us that the Election has probably brought Jack out, while another source told us the amount of people out and about makes it easier for Jack to find a victim. Either way one should be wary when in Ladybones road until Jack decides to find another hunting ground.
If this information was not ghastly enough it appears that this recent outbreak has inspired artists to write a plethora of penny dreadfuls on the matter. Others have begun to write stories inspired by Jack of Smiles. We at the Phlegethonian Gazette do not condone these acts nor do we promote the disrespectful and inexcusable behavior.
continued p. 5
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Inner Turmoil inside the Implacable Detective’s Camp
In a surprising turn of events it appears that the Implacable Detective might be losing support. A recent report has been made an anonymous and trustworthy source that the Detective has lost the support of a large number of the constabulary. The report also details that the Implacable Detective has been purging her own ranks, although the reasons as to why have alluded our source.
continued p. 2
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A Devil’s Perspective on the London’s Election Process
Page 3 of the Phlegethonian Gazette No. 19
Others still expressed their cynicism at the whole endeavour with ridicule and scorn. “Really, the only real winners here are the people selling all these rotten fruits and lamps. Where do they even find all these fruits and lamps anyways?” said a citizen called the Ticking Scientist. “The election? Wait, is this plagued thing still going on?” Professor Van Allen asked us when interviewed.
Baruch Blake, editor of the Diogenes’ Lantern and Canon of Unknown Rites informed us of his opinion, "Although a lot of London citizens have taken upon themselves to work during these elections and pull the reins of city decisions in favour of their own candidates, I can’t honestly say anything more than that old adage - “omnia mutantur, nihil interit”. But then again, I’m a pessimist by predisposition.”
“Look on the bright side,” we were told by Joseph Marlen. “The frontrunning candidate may be a foreign slave driver known for lying, killing, and serving literal demons, but at least that stuff is slightly less popular down here than in the rest of Europe”
And finally last there were those who still wanted to push their candidates even at the end of this election. Such as the Antioch, who told us “Squidley Johnson is the only candidate that can promise London a fair future. He intends to set things right. Exactly how he plans to do that, well, he can’t say, or else his opponents will steal his ideas. I assure you though, Squidley is the man for the job. Or, the squid for it, I suppose.”
“I am quite certain that Londoners can be relied on to forgo order and restraint in favour of uncertainty and excitement,” Professor E.M. Canning informed us. “If not, well… it’s not like much is actually going to change under any Mayor. But it was a wild ride, and here’s to more turmoil to come over the next year! Vote Feducci!”
All in all the people of London will see where this election turns out, and if the promises of our future mayor will kept or thrown aside, if the efforts were in vain or not, or of course more importantly if these riotous mobs will finally cease in the harassment of the population of London.
…
Good grief, you put a lot of work into this!
I will forgive this tl;dr transgression. It was a good read.
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 20…Wednesday, July 10, 1895…Price Five Pence
Feducci Wins the Mayoral Elections
Supporters and followers of Feducci are in celebration as their candidate begins his year as mayor of London. Questions still remain as to how Feducci will bring about his political reform, and what that means for London, but it seems that some are optimistic about the matter. One London citizen was quoted as saying, “Feducci’s victory is a victory for us all.” Another told us, “I’m curious to see how Feducci will bring London to even greater heights.”
Mr. Dynamo a gentleman of some prominence, told us, “The election is all one big show, you know? Sure, we get to pick which candidate wins, but who picks the candidates? The Masters. And will there ever be any real change? No, because the Masters wouldn’t allow it. Jenny opened a school as mayor, but really, anyone could have done that with enough capital. Neither Feducci, nor any of the other candidates, can affect true change. But, I’m glad Feducci won, because he’s certain to make things exciting. And to all those who lost, I say vae victus.”
Others expressed their worries and fears in the wake of Feducci’s victory. The Melancholy Solicitor was one such individual. "Who will be dealing the cards in Feducci’s 'Fair Game?” they told us.
Another of London’s citizens expressed their worry over the implications of Feducci’s victory, “I’m mildly concerned. It’s possible we’re all in for it now, and that Feducci aims to bring the whole city into a frenzied conflict between the half who voted for him, and the half who hates his guts. Or maybe he just enjoys a bit of adventure and excitement? It’s really hard to say for sure, but I see no reason to doubt his intentions regarding ‘Fair Play, Fair Game’. The only questions are what the rules will be, how they will be enforced, and if London can survive the upheaval.”
Of course some London’s more clever and intrepid citizens have already found a ways of benefiting from the election even after their candidates defeat. "I think I’ve convinced Chuffy to let me rig up a human-sized bucket to lower people into the honey-well for a mere two Echoes,” Mr. Isaac Zienfried said to us.
continued p. 2
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Mobs Finally Disperse
It seems that now that the election has come to a close, London might return back to normality. The mobs that have harassing the citizens of London throughout the election are beginning to disperse, and the citizenry may be able to walk the streets without being chased by madmen tossing fruit or waving lanterns about. Some are worried that some of these mobs might find something else to support with equal fervour as their political candidate, and cause even more trouble for London.
continued p. 3
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The Empress Remains Silent on the Elections
After numerous attempts by various people and supporters of each of the candidates no progress has been made to ascertain the opinion of our Empress on the matter of Feducci’s appointment as mayor of London. This has lead some to believe that our Empress disapproves of the election process, while some claim ridiculously that her silence tells us that she is indifferent to the matter entirely. There are whispers that the Empress’s silence means her approval.
continued. p. 2
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A Bombing in Ciliawine Square
Another anarchist attack hits London. A statue of a master was destroyed by explosives after chaos erupted in Ciliawine Square. Reports are still too numerous and contradictory to get a full accurate story. All that can be done is to speculate as to why this act was carried out. Some suspect that the statue itself was viewed as a challenge by revolutionaries.
continued p.4
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A Demand for Souls of Higher Quality
There are many that are seeking souls of greater quality. Both men and devils are paying high prices for unique souls. This has lead to a decrease in the price of common souls and mundane souls. Some are choosing to wait it out while others are selling souls of ordinary an ordinary nature in higher quantities to make up for the lower prices.
continued p. 6
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Khanate Threatens War for the Fourth Time this Month
Page 2 of the Phlegethonian Gazette No. 20
Feducci Wins the Mayoral Elections Continued
Not only did the Confused members of London’s citizenry also expressed their opinions over the matter. “I only voted for him because, all this time, I thought his name was ‘Feduchini’,” we were informed by one. "There was an election?” we were told by a gentleman by the name of McGunn. “Hmm. Perhaps I voted, don’t recall. Who was it that won? Feducci? I’m fairly certain I killed him once. Didn’t stay dead, though.” Another citizen, who wished to remain anonymous informed us that, “I just found out why they call him Fettucine today at the Apicius Club. His bandage was actually pretty al dente! I think they are all sold out by now, though.” Still another gentleman by the name of James Sinclair with a more hostile attitude towards the matter told us, “I shall very much look forward to killing the new mayor in a duel. Repeatedly.”
“We will most certainly be demanding a recount,” this publication was told. “The campaign’s lawyers have already brought an official complaint to the Ministry, and I guarantee there will be legal action upcoming. By God, this is not the last you will hear from Squidley Johnson!”
This publication has done its best to remain neutral of the election and we do believe that we have succeeded in doing so, while providing our readers with all of the important relevant information on the candidates that they could choose the candidate that they would be the best for London. We at the Phlegethonian Gazette are ready to see these reforms Feducci has planned. It is our sincerest hope at the Phlegethonian Gazette that London’s Mayor Feducci will truly bring a year of prosperity to London.
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The Empress Remains Silent on the Elections Continued
Some members of court have informed us that the Empress might be in support of the election process and the results of this year’s election. This theory has also been supported by several of the staff as well. The Phlegethonian refuses to make implications on the opinions of our Empress and would never attempt to speak for her. These actions would be insubstantial, fallacious, and nothing more than rampant speculation, although this information should not be discounted entirely. This has lead the Phlegethonian Gazette to the opinion that it is possible, although maybe unlikely that the Empress supports Feducci’s victory.
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The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 62…Wednesday, August 21, 1895…Price Five Pence
The 1895 Fruits of the Zee Festival Commences
The quaint and friendly people of Mutton Island have again invited the people of London to partake in the Fruits of the Zee Festival. It is such a wonderful way of getting away from the tedium of the day to day. From experiencing Mutton Island’s wonderfully queer customs, to its hospitable inhabitants, and to trying Mutton Island’s signature delicacy the rubbery lumps, it should be an extraordinary time for all those, who come to Mutton Island to celebrate the Fruits of the Zee Festival.
continued p. 3
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Protesters Outside Blythenhale
For over a month a group of London’s citizens, who are still filled with political enthusiasm have been protesting outside of Blythenhale. Although at first glance these groups of spirited individuals seem to remind one of the horrible mobs that roamed London’s streets with their seemingly endless supply of lanterns and rotten fruit, they appear to be different, or at least too occupied in protesting the Mayor of London to be able to cause mayhem. Rather unsurprisingly it turns out that the Dauntless Temperance Campaigner was found leading these spirited protesters herself. According to the words and slogans shouted by the protestors, they are protesting Feducci’s victory in London’s Mayoral Election, and some of the actions he has already taken in his first month as mayor of London.
continued p. 3
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An Interview with a New and Influential Member of Society
The Phlegethonian Gazette first made an acquaintance with Lady Lallinka, a lady of rising prominence during the election, and featured a quote from her in the 10th publication of this gazette. Recently we were able to arrange an interview between one of this publication’s reporters and Lady Lallinka and were able to discover new information on this important member of society.
Continued p. 2
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Remains of a Lost Ship Found
A the remains of the ship, the Wailing Lorn-Fluke, were recently discovered by the crew of another ship. The right side of Wailing Lorn-Fluke was torn open and the boat itself was smashed against the side of a coral reef. A few cold and hungry survivors were discovered inside the wreck of the Wailing Lorn-Fluke. The survivors recounted a terrifying tale of how they were making their way back to London, when a vicious and terrifying Lorn-Fluke smashed the into the ship tearing a hole in the side of the ship, and smashing the ship into the coral reef that they had found themselves in until their rescue.
continued p.4
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Gentleman Exiled from Court after Making Abhorrent Comments about the Royal Family
Page 2 of the Phlegethonian Gazette No. 62
An Interview with a New and Influential Member of Society Continued
It was clear from her graces and manners that Lady Lallinka is the embodiment of what is expected from a member of society. We asked Lady Lallinka, what it was that brought her to the London. “I came here to spend some time with my aunt,” she told us. “You surely understand how important family is, and I wanted to be a good niece and pay her a visit, since she no longer could visit us. She was a great woman, my aunt, she welcomed me to her home with open arms and ever since then I have been trying my best to return her hospitality by helping with her errands and doing the family name proud.” Lady Lallinka also informed of us of the fact that she now considers London her home. “London is a city filled with such lovely people and opportunities,” she said. “Why would I leave?”
It came as no surprise that she not only written a several plays and symphonies. She also informed us that she runs her own salon on Hollow Street. We also were able to discover that Lady Lallinka is a scholarly individual. “I have also been invited to deliver lectures at the University,” Lady Lallinka informed us. “It has been a great opportunity for me to get to know the brightest minds London’s University has to offer and learn quite a bit myself. I have been getting glowing reviews from my students, perhaps they will offer me a place in the future, we will see.” Lady Lallinka also manages to find time to assist charities in their efforts as well. These are truly impressive feats, and makes it clear as to why she is such an important member of society.
When asked whether or not she had any plans to be at any recently planned events she told us that she had no plan on doing so. She did tell us, “I get invitation to various kinds of events on a weekly basis, I’m sure I will get one that interests me and then, you will find me there. I never miss the most important events!”
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Brass Embassy Records in Need of Sorting
The Brass Embassy is need of some extra hands after a recent unspecified event. This event scattered a large amount of infernal paperwork, and the Brass Embassy is some having trouble reorganizing it. The Brass Embassy is looking for those, who have experience in the filing and sorting of paperwork and are willing to offer nevercold brass in exchange for assistance in organizing the paperwork. If any are interested they should contact Brass Embassy officials in Brass Embassy on Ladybones Road.
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wow, that’s a lot of writing for a newspaper. kudos! Didn’t read ALL of it, but you’re pretty good at this! It really adds a layer of immersion to FL, reading the events newspaper-style.
edited by Addis Rook on 8/23/2017
This Publication Has Been Reviewed by the Ministry of Public Decency, and Found that It Contains Information that Would Imperil the Safety and Wellbeing of the People of London, and by the Authority Invested in the Ministry of Public Decency Certain Information Hereto Has Been Removed in Accordance to the Regulations Established for Protection of the People of London.
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 133…Thursday, October 31, 1895…Price Five Pence
The Hallowmas Confessions of [Censored]
A charming and [Censored]. [Censored]. The Phlegethonian Gazette discovered through an anonymous source that [Censored]. [Censored]. [Censored]. We at the Phlegethonian Gazette are unsure what this says about the character of [Censored], but we are sure that the act of [Censored], and [Censored]. [Censored].
continued p. 2
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[Censored] Today
Today [Censored] on [Censored] [Censored]. [Censored] think that [Censored]. [Censored]. It is assumed that [Censored] is the cause of this [Censored]. Whatever the case may be [Censored]. [Censored] said that [Censored], and suggested that [Censored]. If you have any interested in this we at the Phlegethonian Gazette suggest that [Censored].
continued p. 3
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[Censored]
[Censored]
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Benthic Victory in Recent Cricket Match
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 363…Thursday, June 18, 1896…Price Five Pence
This Year’s Election Fast Approaches
As Mayor Feducci’s term begins to come to its end, the wild spirit of political fervor is sadly returning once again to our fair London. It makes one recall last year’s elections and the gangs of hoodlums that went about terrorizing the streets and tormenting the good and honest citizens London. From this opportunity three new candidates have all taken up the gauntlet, and have announced their candidacies for the mayorship of London. The Jovial Contrarian, the dignified Mr. Slowcake, and quite surprisingly London’s own Princess.
continued p. 2
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Iron Republic Poetry
A series of poems about the Iron Republic written by a London artist have been approved by the Ministry of Public Decency. These poems are inspired by the time the artist has spent in the Iron Republic. Although it is not suggested or encouraged by the Phlegethonian Gazette, it would still be wise for those, who are interested in obtaining these writings to do so, while there are still some left. This publication was able to ask the artist of these poems a several questions about their new work.
continued p. 6
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Rubbery Incident
An incident involving rubbery men left several people injured, and many more disturbed by the events that transpired. A group of rubbery men, who had unfortunately to all those involved had gathered uncomfortably in a rather public place. It was reported that one of the rubbery men had separated itself from the others and entered a nearby building. Some time later this solitary rubbery man then proceeded to charge out of the building, and rampage through the streets knocking over everything around it including London citizens making many run fear, as it continued to make its way through the streets. “It had gone mad, I tell you!” one of the witnesses of the terrible event told us. “It ran amuck with a crazed look in its eyes, and appendages flailing unnaturally about this way and that.”
continued p. 4
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The Labyrinth of Tigers Paying Extra for Exotic Unterzee Creatures
@Lord Gazter, I feel like you deserve some sort of reward for your dedication to the truth and freedom of the press.
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 590…THURSDAY, DECEMBER, 31, 1896…Price Five Pence
Royal Bethlehem Hotel Deluged by Mysterious Local Storm
(Written by Miss Taranlei)
A storm? Above the Royal Bethlehem Hotel? Surely not! one might scoff. But this venerable London landmark was recently the nexus of a peculiar coalescence of inclement weather, much to the consternation of guests and passersby alike. For five days straight, the Hotel was drenched in rain, punctuated every few hours by gusts of gale-force wind that sounded like screams from an unearthly throat. The Hotel’s guests have accepted this phenomenon with remarkable equanimity, although one poor guest was spooked by one of these aeolian noises and sent a whole floor into a frenzy of wailing. Thankfully they calmed down after another guest went to the roof and returned, soaking wet and singing a strange song about a knife and a red bird. The buildings next to the Hotel – a set of townhouses, and the shop of a fashionable milliner – have remained utterly dry; Ms. N______, who lives in one of the townhouses, even threw open her doors for a “storm-viewing” salon.
The cause of this mysterious storm remains unknown, although an eyewitness reported a group of urchins dragging a cart covered with blankets past the Hotel shortly before the storm manifested. When interviewed, the Hotel Manager declined to comment on the weather, only praising his guests for their “fine English fortitude”, and recommending the fountain in the hotel lobby as an “excellent rendezvous for all, no matter how inclement the weather outside.”
continued p. 3
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University Professor Offering to Pay for Pails of Neath Snow
Although this year’s downpour of snow has been quite abundant and the quantity of it in the streets, around establishments, and our abodes much to the people of London’s distaste there are some that find interest in this curious snow. One such individual a Professor at Benthic University is offering to pay handsomely for a large quantity of neath snow. Of course most would wish to have the foul smelling and troublesome neath snow as far from them as possible, yet this professor, a Mrs. A_____ wishes, collect it.
“Of course it must be undiluted and of good quality so as to prevent any experimental errors,” she told us. “I will refuse to pay for any snow of inferior quality. So please no snow shoveled out of the gutters, or purchased from urchins, or some such.” When asked about the reason as to why she wished to purchase this snow she informed us, “I require it for further research into precipitation in the neath and other meteorological matters in the neath.”
continued p. 2
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Ploy to Rig Spider Battles Ends in Dockside Brawl
(Written by Miss Taranlei)
A brawl broke out in Wolfstack Docks several days ago after a series of spider pit matches were discovered to be rigged. This altercation was eventually quelled by the Velocipede Squad, not before five unfortunates were murdered and two more lost to the Drownies.
Details about this incident were difficult to come by, as spider pits have been outlawed everywhere in London by the Masters. But the word on the street was that the spider in question was a young thing owned by a University student, that entered the lists a month ago and exhibited astonishing stamina, winning against larger and more experienced opponents through sheer attrition. This spider was dueling Florence, a name apparently well-known in the pits, when the student’s deceit was discovered and the brawl erupted in the pits and spilled into the streets. Eyewitness reports now become confused as to how the student rigged the match: strange flashes of light were observed during the fight; two (or even three) spiders were fighting against Florence; the student was performing some rite with stolen eyeballs; the student was doing some mischief with mirrors. Unfortunately, none of the accounts corroborated precisely with each other, so the Gazette reserves judgment about the event.
When the chaos was finally put down by the Velocipede Squad (who responded with admirable swiftness on this occasion), the student, thought to be from Benthic College, was discovered to be one of the murder victims. When she fell she was whisked away by her fellow students back to the University, where she is known to have revived but remains unavailable for comment. Her spider has disappeared completely from the scene and its whereabouts are unknown.
continued p. 12
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A Recent Series of Planned Dueling Matches Ends in Disaster
Mr. C_______ had planned and organized a grand series of matches between the greatest duelists throughout London. “It was to a spectacular event,” he told us from behind his bandages, and with excitement shining in his eyes. “A triumphant display of the noble art of dueling.” The planning for the event had been made a months in advance, and the number of duelist invited was indeed quite impressive. Meanwhile the events that were about to transpire were not.
“At first the duels went off without so much as a single problem, but one of the duelists, a hot headed youth declared that his opponent had cheated during the match, and demanded a rematch. We did our best to sooth his nerves and convince him otherwise, but he would not have it.” This rogue duelist apparently charged the other running them through with his blade. This in turned caused a few friends of the now perforated duelist to seek revenge. After this the reports of what exactly happened become hazy, but what is clear is that the next couple of events that transpired lead to a full out melee between the other participants. There are reports that a number of the duelists will recover, but there are many, who might be moving to the tomb-colonies if they do return at all.
continued p. 8
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The Mayor of London Joins in the Most Recent Protests Against Him Much to the Chagrin of the Protestors
The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 1171…WEDNESDAY, July 6, 1898…Price Ten Pence
Bishop of Southwark Caught in Scandal
Recently a concerned citizen of London has come to this publication with disturbing information about the Bishop of Southwark, and his association with less than reputable. This admirable citizen informed us about the Bishop’s opinions and secret, private interactions with rubbery men. Not only does this information bring into question the Bishop’s allegiances to London, as we are unsure if the Bishop has nefarious ties to other foreign powers, but it also puts into question his character. After all, what kind of person would consort privately and frequently with rubbery men?
continued p. 2
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A Case for the Rattus Faber
As the editor of the Phlegethonian Gazette, and a Rattus Faber myself, I ask you the reader this question: Why are the rats of London treated as less than any other inhabitant of London? Some might say that we rats are mere vermin or bringers of plague and disease, but I can say without a doubt that these beliefs are not only unfounded and painfully inaccurate. The rats of London labour just as hard if not harder than any other species in London; even more so when considering labour in relation to size. Rats are even able to take on jobs that other inhabitants in London are unable to perform. For an example, look to any ratwork mechanism, which would not even exist were it not for the hard work of London’s rats. The benefits that we, the Rattus Faber, have brought to London are too many to count, but what do we receive in return for this thankless and tireless work? Nothing but contempt and disgust. We are hunted daily by beasts such as dogs and cats and forced to take on dangerous or arduous jobs in order to survive, when not hunted down like any common pest. I ask you, the reader of this publication: Is this fair, when all we want are the same rights as any other inhabitant of London?
continued p. 5
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Current Trends in the World of Art and Artistry
As ever London seethes with artistic vision and genius from the humblest of Veilgarden’s Poets to the grandest of Novelists and Playwrights in the Empress’s Court. Truly London is one of the greatest centers of art with the city being outside of the influence of mundane surface art, and a spirit to match as any Londoner on the street can attest to. Which is why it is such a tragedy that the art currently presented to us by the current pacesetter in the artistic world is so dull, dreary, and otherwise lacking the spark that city brings to those inclined to the pursuit of the craft. No publication better exemplifies this than the Goosey Gazette. A thoroughly and unrepentantly biased rag that seeks nothing, but to make its own pompous narcissism known to all. One does not even need to look hard to see these facts for they are self-evident, and no one and I mean no one should spend even the slightest part of their precious time reading this dreadful Goosey Gazette.
continued p. 2
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A Frightful Increase in Sorrow Spider Attacks
Throughout London the scourge of the Sorrow Spiders is always present. It raises the hairs on the back of one’s neck to even think of the ghastly fate that awaits those, who are victims of these horrid monsters, which plague our city. Every Londoner knows someone, who has lost an eye or eyes to these little fiends and as such it is worrying to learn that Sorrow Spiders have been more active than ever. This publication has received reports from a number of experts that Sorrow Spiders have been making more people victims of their insidious and larcenous habits of stealing eyes from out of citizen’s head in their sleep or even when awake as the attacks have been increasingly bold as of late.
continued p. 3
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Guaranteed Methods of Protection Against Sorrow Spiders and the Tools Necessary to So