http://annwn1985.storynexus.com/s
Fey magic meets garage programming in this new urban fantasy. When the fairies returned to public life, they built a virtual world. Programming and spell-casting combine, and a new kind of wizard is born.
I’ve taken this thing as far as I can without getting some advice/feedback/testing. Give it a look if you’re interested! Thanks in advance!
This is fascinating. I like how you’ve combined urban fantasy with computers and music, and I barely noticed that I’d run out of actions. I have one little question: Does the word “Annwn” mean anything, and am I right in thinking that it comes from Welsh?
Ah, I too just ran out of actions; so far, I like it very much! The ‘Lore’ card is a nice touch for introducing the player to this world, and the pacing seems good - although I ended up in Annwn very early, and as everything was ‘almost impossible’ I didn’t stick around for long.
I’m vaguely familiar with Celtic Otherworld mythology, but I too would love to hear why you chose ‘Annwn’ and what, if anything, it means to you.
edited by Corentin Os on 11/9/2012
Like it a lot.
I think the way everything is kept very short and to the point works for me. And the instruction, like, “go find work,” fits in pretty seamlessly.
Am currently short on time, but will get into it again at a later stage.
Thanks, all! I used the name Annwn, which is indeed from Welsh,in reference to an old Arthurian legend with some similar themes to the world I am building.
What kind of advice/feedback are you looking for?
(I mean: about mechanics? Plot? Pacing? Writing?)
This seems really promising but I feel like it could use a little more text, honestly. It is a very interesting concept and the setting definitely appeals to me but I feel like the cards, outside of Lore, could use a little fleshing out. I don’t know if you have a plan to do so or if you were going to leave it the way it is. Either way is fine, but I think the story would benefit with a little more writing.
Mechanically, I have been a little absent from SN as I was waiting for the next round of fixes, as well as getting my life out of a short stint of chaos, so I don’t know if it is a bug or not but your area banners are either the default or a broken link. This could be a SN issue for sure, as well SN still being picky about capitalization, but I figured I would bring it to your attention still. Overall, I look forward to playing again and can’t wait to see what unfolds in this amazing world!
edited by Kitsune on 11/9/2012
Typo-ish found on the ‘Maybe you can help…’ card at Burton’s Gym; the third branch reads ‘Not interested. Your staying out of this one’ - should be you’re.
I see what Kitsune means; I personally don’t mind the somewhat blunt style of the writing and think it works reasonably well with this world, but it could use a little fleshing out in storylets such as ‘A scrap of information’ etc.
[quote=Gordon Levine]What kind of advice/feedback are you looking for?
(I mean: about mechanics? Plot? Pacing? Writing?)[/quote]
I’m particularly interested in thoughts on the mechanics, on whether or not there is sufficient choice, if there is too much / too little grinding, and anything else which comes to mind. :)
I like the amount of choice. Enough to be interesting but not so much as to be overwhelming. I find Fallen London a bit overwhelming. Your world is a really nice balance.
It is already mentioned earlier but I gotta say that I agree that the Lore card is really great. The “find a job” bit is also quite good.
I think that the amount of writing is good. Some people prefer long bits of text some people just want to click things. Your text is concise but of good quality. The quick clickers will probably feel more attached to your world as a result and those who want more text will probably still be interested because of the quality of the story.
The amount of grind is fine for me. I tend to be okay with grind so long as it makes sense. All the grind pieces I ran into before running out of turns seemed like totally reasonable repeatable actions. I hate when the grind actions don’t seem to make sense to be repeating.
All in all it is a very interesting world. I look forward to more turns so I can find out more.
I liked it so far. It’s not sprawling so much that I don’t feel like I have a handle on what I’m doing, at least right at the start. And of course I had to pick the choice with the reference to ZORK. :)
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the setting actually works out really well.
Early on I felt I had good direction, but I feel kind of lost now. I don’t really have a strong quest to do and I’m hitting a lot of repetition in the cards I’m drawing. I feel like I need to progress somehow in orde rto open more options, but to be honest i’m not sure what I need to advance in order to … advance.
I was sad that I actually never found the card to complete my quest as a juicer. Also, the fairy world doesn’t feel as fleshed out as the real world.
@shadowcthuhlu Thanks for the help! Is this the quest to become a juicer (with the thin woman and the brown paper) or the juicer quest in Annwn (the quiet girl)?
[quote=Uberman]I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the setting actually works out really well.
Early on I felt I had good direction, but I feel kind of lost now. I don’t really have a strong quest to do and I’m hitting a lot of repetition in the cards I’m drawing. I feel like I need to progress somehow in orde rto open more options, but to be honest i’m not sure what I need to advance in order to … advance.[/quote]
@uberman Thanks very much for the input – it’s very helpful. Are you getting cards which push you towards being a juicer or a keeper?
Sorry, for the late reply, (this thread didn’t show up as updated.)
Annwn-the card never showed up, though other quest cards showed up.
Another note is that I think the card that allows you to end the game should be a pinned card rather then a hand card.
[quote=Shadowcthuhlu]Sorry, for the late reply, (this thread didn’t show up as updated.)
Annwn-the card never showed up, though other quest cards showed up.
Another note is that I think the card that allows you to end the game should be a pinned card rather then a hand card.[/quote]
Hmm… is the Log Out pinned card not there now? Also, thoughts of why a pinned card for the end game? So you can go back whenever you like without waiting for a draw?
The Log Out card is there. This had to do with the ending of the changling storyline, which when I played through a couple weeks ago, had the changling storyline end the game. If the changling storyline is still the end point for the game as whole, then I think the final decision point should be pinned rather then a hand card, so it’s easier to persue other storylines.
So did I. I will play it with an eye more to feedback that I have been – so far I’ve just been about rolling on the floor giggling and sending links to the story to all of my friends of a certain age and temperament. Heh.
Hey there, you have a typo on the (first?) “Unattended horse” card in the Faerie Market punchcard deck
“The horse seems to have no issue with you climbing on, but after a few moments he dashes into the lake, swimming away with a creaking laugh. Treading water, you draw the simple sigil which beings [color=FFCC00][[ should be BRINGS ? ]] [/color]up the Cottingwoods’ database of known fairies.You’re soaked, but now you can tell the Cottingwoods about the Kelpie first hand.”
Also on “Looking for a secret club” , the level increase line says
“You’ve gained 1 x Looking a secret club (new total 2).”
I think you wanted a “for” in there?
Ta!
[i]edited by Kir Talmage on 12/27/2012
[/i]Still happy … found an extra apostrophe on “The Mysterious Map” – the option for Elliott says “let’s” and I think you mean “lets”
Enjoy!
– Kir
edited by Kir on 1/13/2013