Quite a few of the items - whether potent equipment or random dross - have quite interesting descriptions… some chilling, some amusing. I recently found a new favorite, after crafting the Bejewelled Cane: "Excuse me? Could you put a cover on that? It’s blinding the butler." A sentence which is scientifically impossible to say in anything BUT a stuffy, upper-crust British accent.
So I am wondering - what is YOUR favorite item-description? Do you tend towards the humorous, the terrifying or the bizarre?
“I have a tiger. Do you have a tiger?”
“I love my love with an I. Because these eyes follow my love EVERYWHERE. I hate my enemy with an H. My enemy knows why.”
…I think I can guess where Angelcat’s description comes from (It’s a tiger, isn’t it? I bet it’s the tiger) - but I HAVE to ask, where’d THAT one come from? I’VE certainly never run across anything carrying that description… >_>;
It’s something you can send during the Feast of the Exceptional Rose. Otherwise it is at the end of a Fated job in Watchmaker’s.
Ahh… that one. I did it, but got nothing to show for it. I hear the rewards vary ENORMOUSLY depending on the choice you make at the end. Kind of annoying…
…I think I can guess where Angelcat’s description comes from (It’s a tiger, isn’t it? I bet it’s the tiger) - but I HAVE to ask, where’d THAT one come from? I’VE certainly never run across anything carrying that description… >_>;[/quote]
The "I love my love with an I" quote is from the description of the Watchful Doll–a Fate-locked item.
I just went and checked in the Department of Menace Eradication and I can try to contract again if I spend 3 Fate. Presumably you could as well if you wished to attempt it again. I’d only done it once and hadn’t realized that there were noteworthy multiple endings.
Eyes and teeth are discomforting in an article of clothing, but useful.
I can’t decide if my favourite is “He insists on formality. He’s a projectile, not a conversationalist.” or “Mr Fires gave me this bell. He assures me that should I ring it, it is unlikely to cause a stalactite to fall from the roof and pulverise the house of an enemy. These things do happen, of course. You recall that house on Childcake Street? The one with the political posters? But that, too, was probably just a coincidence.”
If you ever betray him, make sure he doesn’t survive.
This is the way the world ends.
edited by Estelle Knoht on 3/23/2015
…I think I can guess where Angelcat’s description comes from (It’s a tiger, isn’t it? I bet it’s the tiger)[/quote]
Why yes, mine is a tiger (specifically the Bengal Tigress). I shall neither confirm nor deny purchasing her specifically for the description…
Went over most of my items/companions/etc. My favourites are probably:
[li]Sneak-Thief’s Mask: Gorchett & Sons: Rendering You Usefully Anonymous Since 1851.[/li][li]‘For Your Own Good’ Compass: It points every way but North.[/li]
Here are a few others (the item names hidden below, for those who want to take a guess :-)
- ‘We shall complete you! You shall delight in wearing us!’ But who is wearing whom?[/li][li]Like wearing a live wolf. This, they say, is the fiercest that Polythreme breeds.[/li][li]Polythreme’s finest: gloves that can taste! And speak! And salivate![/li][li]A perfect, if fragile, timekeeper. And, very rarely, a Trojan Horse for infant rat-burglars.[/li][li]The ‘emergency’ in question is generally ‘I really do need a gun, but I have no money to speak of’. Still, if you point it away from you, it usually won’t kill you.[/li][li]Mr Wines provides stockings to his employees. These are not those stockings. But they are very striking.[/li][li]Something otherworldly wore this. Something, perhaps, that can see with its feet. No: that’s an absurd idea.[/li][li]Elegant as a silver screwdriver.[/li][li]Playful. Heavily Armoured. Cheerful. Psychotic.[/li][li]You never, ever want to put this hat on your head.[/li][li]You’re good fun for a softskin, but don’t slow down. I said don’t slow down! I’m shooting spiders at six.[/li][li]‘Coming through! Coming through with woefully inefficient brakes!’[/li][li]Corners like a dream. Races like a greyhound. The tiny maxim gun might have been a bit much, though.[/li][li]Scientific curiosity can lead one down perilous - occasionally fatal - lines of enquiry. For example, someone must once have thought ‘What would happen if I engraved the Correspondence on a Ray-Drenched Cinder?’ The underside is unfinished, so they probably got about halfway to finding out.
[ul][li]Moderately Co-operative Clothes Colony[/li][li]Insatiable Glove[/li][li]Lenguals[/li][li]Ratwork Watch[/li][li]Emergency Blunderbuss[/li][li]Scarlet Stockings of Dubious Origin[/li][li]A Meticulously Altered Stocking[/li][li]Albino Rat[/li][li]Plated Seal[/li][li]Unfinished Hat[/li][li]Lettice, the Mercy[/li][li]Velocipede[/li][li]Ratwork Velocipede[/li][li]Ray-Drenched Correspondence Paperweight[/li][/ul]
“The kind of gem that gathers legends as stones gather moss. Perhaps it’s cursed! Imagine! How exciting!”
“You can’t go wrong with an iron hat. Except that you look ridiculous. That’s a problem, certainly. Also, it rusts; it punishes the innocent vertebrae of the neck; it attracts urchins who enjoy the cheery ping of a hat-bounced pebble. It is, nevertheless, proof against dart, bullet, and light glim-fall.”
and “The ‘emergency’ in question is generally ‘I really do need a gun, but I have no money to speak of’. Still, if you point it away from you, it usually won’t kill you.”
are my personal favorites.
"Those tendrils enable wonderful penmanship."
Some of my favourites have already been quoted, but I also rather like the Ostentatious Diamond: ‘Oh, I say.’
Always makes me smile.
[quote=Lady Eris]Some of my favourites have already been quoted, but I also rather like the Ostentatious Diamond: ‘Oh, I say.’
Always makes me smile.[/quote]Ah, if we’re going with general item descriptions (not just equipable items), then how about:
Foxfire Candle Stub - "Named for its eery greenish glow. It’s not made out of foxes."
Strangling Willow Absinthe - "Get it off! GET IT OFF!"
Many of my favorites were mentioned already, but the top one for me, just for the story it tells:
“Late. Sorry. There was nine of them. Six now.” - Laconic Prodigy
“What larks we shall have! Fetch the giraffe-spoon, we have a bet to win!” - The Young Stag’s Club
“The Pages Crackle with salt. The ink is a briny smear. Only fragments remain: ‘O furnial passion, hot as the glance of stars!’ ‘…The palupitating beat of my heart…’ and the disturbing, ‘My love, will you reciprocreate?’” - A Tear-Drowned Collection of Incomprehensible Love Poems
tl;dr not sure if these are posted yet…
“Cats! Cats Everywhere!”
‘Yer basic tatty suit wiv deep pockets an’ a little loop for yer stick’
“You can’t go wrong with an iron hat. Except it makes you look ridiculous”
'Coming through! Coming through with woefully inefficient brakes! ’
“You never, ever want to put this on your head”
“Playful. Heavily armoured. Cheerful. Psychotic.”
“Yes. Yes, I know. Just shut up for a moment. Let me think!”
‘We shall complete you! You shall delight in wearing us!’
“The enforcers, informers, thieves and general scum who work for an unseen underworld figure. Who happens to be you.”
“Polythreme’s finest: gloves that can taste! And speak! And salivate!”
“An ordinary candle inscribed with tiny symbols of Correspondence. No darkness shall abash its bold green flame. Ideal for birthday parties.”
"It points every way but North" --"For your own good" compass
"What maniac taught abstraction to apes?" --Pentecost Ape
edited by WormApotheote on 3/24/2015