Fellow citizens, when deciding who to vote for, please consider which candidate has the potential to bring about not just change, but lasting change.
The new mayor will only be here for a year. After that a new mayor will rule London, free to reverse or build upon the previous mayor’s legacy as he/she sees fit. Based on the policies of the other candidates, how can anyone other than Rightful Mayor Feducci bring about lasting change for the better?
The Implacable Detective speaks of more power to police, and plots in secret for the prosecution of corrupt officials. How will she succeed in this, in a city where it’s a rather poor kept secret that Parliament is in the pocket of Our Benefactors, the Masters of the Bazaar? Even if the case isn’t immediately dismissed, it will certainly be drawn out beyond her term, where it will be almost assuredly quietly dropped. A sad fact of the world is there will always be crime, always be corrupt politicians. After the Campaigner is gone, the Bazaar will still be here, and so will the gangs. The smart crooks need only wait a year to return to their wicked ways.
The Dauntless Temperance Campaigner intends to open more poorhouses and abolish cheap pleasures like honey and alcohol. Sinning Jenny spent the majority of her term building poorhouses and setting up programs for the disenfranchised. To vote for a candidate promising essentially the exact same thing rephrased is to admit either that Sinning Jenny either accomplished nothing or couldn’t manage to do enough to tackle the issue, even with all the powers of the mayoral office. That doesn’t exactly inspire confidence in her ability to tack this issue, nor the urgency of tackling this issue.
Banning cheap vices won’t make the demand disappear, it will only drive it underground. Is it in the best interests of London to vote for a year where the only suppliers of alcohol are parts of the criminal underground? A criminal underground that will then be able to charge whatever it wants for what is currently popular and widely available? How will the Esteemed Masters Wines and Spices take this development? How likely are they to tolerate it.
Conscientious Londoners would better serve the community by practicing abstinence, something they can do freely now without detriment to those who enjoy these harmless pleasures. This policy will assuredly be quickly repealed in a year’s time, and there shall be much rejoicing.
And again, let us not forget our experiences of the past election cycle. The Dauntless Temperance Campaigner owes favors to the Revolutionaries. Anyone even vaguely familiar with organized crime can tell you that owing a disrepuatable bunch like that favors is tantamount to them owning you. By the end of the campaign the Jovial Contrarian’s campaign was all but taken over by the Calendar Council, with February herself openly walking the halls as his "assistant". Is these really the people we want to hold the reigns of power for a whole year?
There is but one man who has a real plan. One that is at once both so audacious and cunning that it will instantly have a lasting affect on the balance of power in Our Fair City forever: Feducci.
A chain anyone can climb. A London where ranks and titles may change hands by the hour. It will make a mockery of all that the upper echelons hold dear, and that’s the brilliance of it. True change has always begun with the limiting of the elite’s power. The only thing that sets our so called "betters" and rulers apart from us are their claims of blood purity and titles they’ve carried and inherited for generations. Take that away, and there’s nothing that makes them more inherently special than any other man. Devaluing their prestige and social standing is the first step towards abolishing it utterly.
Might it seem absurd? Might it be an unprecedented course of action? Yes! But can the same be not said for nailing a theses to the doors of the church? Dear friends, let them try to challenge us, let them repeal our new order when our year is up. But the damage to their veneer of invulnerability will be everlasting. We will draw first blood. We will make the first crack in the dam holding back an age of freedom and equality!
Dear friends! Let us use this election to build a lasting legacy! Don’t vote for a candidate that will foster complacency among the poor, vote for the one that gives every man an honest chance to advance, should he have the spine to work for it! For a Fair London, I beseech you!
VOTE FEDUCCI!