Commiseration: Our most painful failures

I tried to rename my orphanage, somehow managed to rename my gang of hoodlums. they’re now called grenem’s home for wanderin and wayward children. this isn’t going to do good things for my notoirity in the underworld, nor my orphanage’s reputation.

I may or may not have accidentally sold my soul to an Affectionate Devil. Whoops?

I mean, its turned out to be a pretty fun rping opportunity, but still. I was using that!!!

I’m sorry, but… that is hilarious! And its not such a bad name for a gang, either…

My failure was nothing as prosaic as that, a simple sleepy click destroying all of my painstakingly gathered Great Game reputation. I did briefly indulge in a fit of temper, however.

Dear Madam Grenem,

I had the most wonderful time in your Home for Wanderin and Wayward Children. At first I was rather surprised that these children as so tall and robust. You truly like to take care of your little ones. They were a bit rowdy but when I told them that the Big Bad Constable will get them if they don’t behave they suddenly turned into the little angels that they really are.

I had an appointment to make after my surprise visit so I swiftly distributed the Bags of Fierce Mint Humbugs that I had with me. You should just see the look in their eyes! In fact, one of the healthier ones who calls himself &quotMorgan the Man-Breaker&quot (kids these days and their overacting imagination) had tears in his eyes and told me that I am the father that he never had (such sweetness).

Again, keep up the good work Madam. You are a light in this dark city.

Sincerely,
A very happy Londoner

I attempted to duel Feducci after a long and hefty preparation. Then I went and died. My first death having avoided it for so long! At least my character managed to hone her chess-playing skills…

Upon attempting an action with a 97% chance of success, I failed. Not once. Not thrice. Not even ten times.

TWELVE. TIMES. In succession.

I have never before known such an abysmal run of luck. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth involved that day. What are the odds?

3/100^12. Or, we could just say, astronomical.

– Mal

[quote=malthaussen]3/100^12. Or, we could just say, astronomical.

– Mal[/quote]
(5.31441x10^-19)% chance, to be precise. which is to say, less than 10 in a billion billion- or a million million million.

Seriously, the devs should give him a special reward for beating such odds.

– Mal

[quote=malthaussen]Seriously, the devs should give him a special reward for beating such odds.

– Mal[/quote]

I was about to say… at odds of less than ten in one quintillion, it almost seems to be more of a success than a failure. I think this may be how it feels to suffer a touch of sun-stroke.

Now, if there were only a way to incorporate this into our forum story about the Cult of the RNG.

– Mal

I failed the same 90% success rate bronze-edged opportunity card three times… I’m still waiting to draw it again…

Allow me to regale you with a tale of my quest toward Scarlet Sainthood.

I am not yet expelled from the palace, and I am rather pleased at that. I have spent so many days seducing that well-known, delightful pair of Beauty and Wit that I am sure that the Empress’ throne should be mysteriously soggy by now. My Persuasive shot up to an unprecedented level that it is now my strongest point.

At last, I reached an untold level of debauchery. Hedonism 12. At last, all I have to do now is to return to London from my exile and book a voyage to the Iron Republic. But, I thought to myself, perhaps I should grind my Austere to 10 while I’m in the Tomb Colonies.

I was an idiot.

Perhaps some of you could guess where this was going. After all, you can’t get out of the Tomb Colonies without halving either your Austere or Hedonist unless they’re both below 10. Ah, dear readers, if only I am just a simple idiot. Au contraire! I thought to myself once more. [i]I’d just buy that Fate option. An Imperial Pronouncement! What a magnificent title for a storylet. Surely that would return me home safe and sound.

[/i]Is it wrong to disclose what that Fate option did? Just to be careful, I won’t say what it did. I would just say what it didn’t do. It’s certainly not obvious enough for me, but on hindsight, the placement of that option is rather odd. Suffice to say, what I thought would be an Imperial fleet coming to take me home never came, because that Fate option did something else. But I was in a daze because I placed my faith - I believed, with all my heart - that I would be transported home. So I just went to the storylet option without looking twice, and clicked in a panic, wondering if there’s a bug, if I had to pick another option to go home, anything that justified me throwing money at empty air.

Of course, I clicked at the first non-grayed option. The option that would halve my Hedonist quality. Yes, I am not a simple idiot. I am a complex idiot.

Now I am the proud, reformed ex-debauchee at Hedonist 6 and Austere 10. I need to seduce those miserable people all over again. Now I will get to collect the matching pair of the Empress’ earring that I have obtained and sold a million times. All those days wasted. I am filled with impotent rage at myself and the world, but mostly at myself. At this moment, I want to kill everyone in the palace, burn everything down, and then go to the Tomb Colonies and burn everything down over there so that everyone could die a true death, aristocrats, bandaged people, and all. Then I will probably bring about the Liberation of Night, and then kill myself, leaving behind a Fallen Commonwealth of London that is republican, dark, but most importantly, free of uncomfortably moist thrones and wit and beauty. That would probably bring me to Hedonist and Austere 11.5, I would think.
edited by Dungerson on 11/22/2015

Hands Dungerson a match.

– Mal
[i]

[/i]

A shout out to A.B.Nile, who forgot to brag to Huffam.

Like, send him something nice if you can, because many confessions, very high spirit.

And all of this is why I continue to grind Running Battle before battling Vendrick. Why grind a lot and fail when you can grind more and succeed?

Spammed low odds can actually be higher odds overall because you get to take so many extra attempts for the same action costs relatively speaking. 100 uses of a 50% odds story (expected 50 wins) is better than 10 uses of a 100% odds story (expected 10 wins) on average after all assuming both options take about the same number of total actions. Often times the extra action investment for “better” odds is actually the opposite from a statistical perspective.

Feducci, the Bazaar and the Brass Embassy are the exceptions, no? Since coming back from death and prison also takes quite a bit of action.

But in Mr Savage’s case, would not a loss to Captain Vendrick result in his death? Which is not, perhaps, so great an impediment in FL, but maybe Mr Savage would prefer to stay alive.

– Mal

[quote=malthaussen]But in Mr Savage’s case, would not a loss to Captain Vendrick result in his death? Which is not, perhaps, so great an impediment in FL, but maybe Mr Savage would prefer to stay alive.

– Mal[/quote]

Staying alive is something Mr. Savage has done throughout his life. Maybe one day, he will long for the taste of death, but not today.