What's your Slowcakes' Entry?

Notability is highly sought after. If you have an entry in Slowcake’s you are on your way. And possibly, if you believe Mr. Irons, not in a good way.

If your character had an entry, what would it be? No length or in-game limitations. Whether you’re Notability 1 or 15, write what seems appropriate. Bonus points if you include a flattering illustration!
[Notability 12]

J.L.Moriarty - Editor in Chief and Owner of the Underworld Clarion, a now trans-Unterzee publication which has won the Blemmigan Society Award for truth in reporting. Rumors persist of criminal, treasonous, devilish, foreign, rag-tag, bizarre, and depraved connections, as well as a network of hoodlums and gossips maintaining the information flow to his paper, but Management, on behalf of Mister Pages, has assured this amaneusis that this is not the case. He is an upstanding member of society, a frequent consultant to the Constables, a reliable donor to Charity, and a dutiful friend of our mutual benefactors. The Admiral ______ himself has named him, &quotA true patriot.&quot The address of Mr. Moriarty is omitted, per his request. He is married to Ms. Helena Moriarty, Nee Tusk. She vehemently denies any connections to revolutionary activity, and refused comment on her work in the Foreign Office. &quotHe’s quite hard to place, but he’s doing it all for Empress and Country. And me, of course.&quot When asked why the Masters have chosen to ignore a paper with such a distinct republican bent, she replied, &quotThey respect passion, if nothing else. Oaths kept and all that business.&quot His new orphanage and housing development, a long-term effort to make a dent in &quotlongshanks&quot syndrome, has put up dozens and dozens of former urchins with free room and board, and entry into a myriad of careers like journalism, zailing, and private security. No first name given, something usually not tolerated except under extenuating circumstances.

edited by friendshipranger on 10/21/2014

Rupho Schartenhauer - archaeologist, historian, mystic, linguist, explorer, diplomat, entrepreneur, editor of the Abyssal Vanguard, host of De Vermis Mysteriis, a salon that competes only with the House of Chimes for exclusiveness.
Born 1863 in Munich, studied Philosophy and History in Heidelberg, graduated 1886 on &quotImmortality and Why It Eludes Us&quot. Left the Surface shortly after publishing &quotLost Cities and Where to Find Them&quot in 1888; became an instant sensation in London’s scientific circles and high society (the latter mostly for his rash, daring and enigmatic personality, which has been called both a blessing and a curse). Also a renowned zee-captain, he has led some of the most daring expeditions of recent years. Married to ->Lady Felicitas Wriothesley-Schartenhauer, the eldest (and prettiest) of ->Lord Wriothesley’s daughters.
Mr Schartenhauer’s considerable wealth, however, does not come from his marriage alone: he owns various businesses and shops at the Bazaar and in the Bazaar side-streets. He has publicly spoken of the Bazaar as a &quotblessing&quot and the Masters as &quotsaint-like&quot. He even published a volume of poetry &quotVirtues of the Bazaar&quot which was lauded, at least by Bazaarine critics. Indeed, an unnameable source told this amanuensis that Mr Schartenhauer has an emporium in one of the Bazaar’s spires, snug in between Mr Fires’ and Mr Pages’ offices.
Despite these exceptional connections, Mr Schartenhauer has been the subject of a multitude of worrying rumors, including (but not limited to): that he carries out unnatural, highly dangerous scientific experiments, even on human subjects (living and dead); that he is the leader of a revolutionary movement seeking to overthrow the Empire; that he is not a normal human being but half-Rubbery; that his newspaper is a source of deliberate misinformation and foreign propaganda; etc. pp. – Mr Schartenhauer refuses to comment on these accusations, but his lovely wife has told this amanuensis, &quotReally, do you think my father would have agreed to the marriage if even one iota of these hideous rumours were true? Do you think my husband would be allowed inside the Shuttered Palace or assisting the Foreign Office? Ridiculous! Those are nothing but lies!&quot This amanuensis sees no reason to disbelieve an Englishwoman of such exceptional breeding (and equally exceptional loveliness).[li][/li][li][/li][li]
edited by Rupho Schartenhauer on 6/30/2014

Reginald, Lord Hubris, thirteenth Baron Hubris of Hubris Hall, Rugeley, Staffordshire. Born 1855; educated Eton College & Merton College, Oxford (2nd class honours, School of Law.) Arrived Fallen London 1888. Resident of Belphegor Suite, Brass Embassy; Parhenaeum Club. Patron of the Hubris House for Young Troublemakers, an orphanage, and The Steamed Punks, a social club for reformed criminals. Captain of the steamship Albion. Editor of minor conservative newspaper The Fallen Londoner Standard. Hobbies include hunting, boxing, rugby, menagerie.

SLOWCAKE SAYETH: &quotA worthy scion of the martial Hubrisses of the seventeenth century, his lordship is rarely seen at city engagements, preferring to devote his time to country sports, or to the management of his various business interests. Though he’d be a tempting prize for any charming young debutante, having recently restored his family’s fallen fortunes, Hubris has thus far avoided capture - though there have been rumours of an engagement to a certain infernal lady!&quot

[left: vector; right: original]

Sklardenfryd. Scholar, zee-captain, and glassman* possessing an interest in theology and governance. Freely associates with radical elements, in the name of establishing orthodox practice despite rumors to the contrary. *The title of ‘glassperson’ has been posited and is of yet unconfirmed. No mention of (the equally plausible) ‘glasswoman’ as a suggested alternative.

S.F. doesn’t have an entry in Slowcake’s, supposedly. There is a blank page about halfway through Slowcake’s Exceptionals, but that’s probably a printing error. A printing error that Mr Slowcake has made over and over again, for the last dozen or so editions. Before that, it was a blank paragraph. And before that, it was one or two blank lines. Still. Printing error. Definitely.

Lady Magpie Silverton. B. 1874. Bohemian, raconteur, and noted writer; zee sailor, cat-burglar, artist, scholar, and politically dubious dabbler. Ms. Silverton is married to Disarcade --, a frequently mad former scholar and known investigator of Neathy mysteries. Lady Silverton appears to share her husband’s inclination to madness, which appears to be a matter of artistic method rather than weak blood. Often seen with both society’s upper crust and the lower, fluffier, grittier bit of the sandwich. Known associate of thieves and rapscallions, and rumoured to have fallen on hard times of late, though her reputation has, oddly, not suffered. Recently associated with significant scandal and rather magnificent parties. Has recently been seen in the company of an Overgoat as well as her usual Bohemian and Society comrades.
edited by SciFiMagpie on 7/22/2014

&quotWilliam ‘the Marshal’; surname unknown; original name unknown. Date of birth: unknown. Appears to have had no formal education worth mentioning. Served in the armies of several enemy nations; political ties still suspect. The Marshal is notable for his numerous ties to such unsavoury persons as Bohemians and Constables; his name has been linked to a plethora of unsolved deaths and an even greater number of amorous indiscretions on the part of multiple impressionable young women. He is possessed of a large fortune, although there is little evidence it is honestly acquired. Notable mostly for his unbridled debauchery and dubious connections.&quot

The Marshal’s entry is more vitriolic and unpleasant than most. Rumours persist to the effect that this unusual dislike can be attributed to dalliances with female family members of several Slowcake’s editors.
edited by William the Marshal on 10/21/2014
edited by William the Marshal on 10/21/2014

Doctor Wolfram: A fime upstanding gentlething. Most certainly not souless, or anything like the vile and salicious romours spread about him. No! Not at all! (It goes on denying that I am anything less than a sterling citizen and an amazing example of Fallen Londenerism for half a page).
edited by doctor wolfram on 1/6/2015
edited by doctor wolfram on 3/3/2015

“Henry Lamperouge: A distinguished gentleman whose brushes with fame, however brief, have left him no less unmasked. Birth and age unknown, although Mr Lamperouge has reportedly claimed to be in his late twenties. No known Surface-records of Mr Lamperouge exist, although he seems to have perpetuated ties with several figures of note in Surface societies. Mr Lamperouge has the acquaintance of most of the city’s best. His controversial connections and relationships within the Brass Embassy have caused him trouble in the past, but Mr Lamperouge seems to have recovered gracefully from such scandalous outbreaks. In all, Mr Lamperouge remains a gentleman of good standing and excellent morals.”

The older copies of Slowcakes are significantly less charitable with Mr Lamperouge than the current editions. The latest entry for Mr Lamperouge glosses over several aspects of his public life that earlier entries had covered with great depth and no small amount of glee. Regardless of how far back one looks, no record exists of a Henry Lamperouge anywhere before 1891.

&quotSolomon Husher. A distinguished gentleman of dubious origin, he arrived in the neath long after it fell. Although he has been in and out of prison a few times in the recent years, no doubt due to a troubled upbringing and difficulty finding his place in the Neath, he has kept his nose clean since those early days, courting both High Society and Hell. Many hold him in high esteem, especially one generous princess who has recently come into society’s eye.

Mr. Husher has quite generously opened up an orphange (Solomon Dreary’s home for the destitute), converted from his own splendid townhouse, financed entirely from his own pocket. He has been widely lauded as &quotA savior of the children&quot. He also owns his own newspaper, The Blackwell Gazzette, dedicated to the truth and the people.

He also owns a most magnificent Pleasure Yacht, the Heirophant, rumored to have once belonged to Mr. Apples himself. He is a hardened explorer of the Zee, having been to Polythreme and back multiple times.&quot
edited by Solomon Husher on 1/22/2015

"The Foolsman:

No. Just…no."

An Individual: Readers, I have no idea who this person is but there is a large goat in my living room that has been rather insistent that I write this here. If any of you know who sent this beast please notify the authorities.

*Mariane Anders.
edited by Marianne Anders on 3/1/2015

Mr Deepdelver does not have a Slowcake’s entry. Not that he was never considered for inclusion. But every editor who pursued this line of enquiry ended up either mad, banished, imprisoned, dead, or any combination of the former which has somewhat discouraged later editors from even trying. In an abandoned room at the Royal Bethlehem I have found a crumpled, partly scorched page with the following excerpt of an attempted Slowcake’s entry for Mr Deepdelver. The page might once have been part of a diary, though that is hard to say. The former occupant of the room remains missing to this day.

Deepdelver, Mr (supposedly), first name unknown. Mr Deepdelver does not hold a title or high position in politics, law, science or economy. The general public has never heard of them. There is no birth certificate, in fact it’s impossible to say where they came from or how old they are. But I have heard the name being whispered repeatedly by—no, I can’t write that down. I shouldn’t write any of this down but I seem to forget so much lately. Wait, why am I writing that down?

[added later] Have found out their address—if you can call it that. They apparently dwell in the abandoned cellars of Old Newgate in pitch darkness with a being only ever referred to as TheLastStarMaker (supposedly female) about whom I could find out even less. Connection to the Liberation of Night movement seems obvious. Have repeatedly tried to follow them, but they always seem to melt into the shadows. Probably a Conjurer, a very good one.

[added in very shaky hand]
Terrified-looking special constable delivered a sealed letter today. Short, but very detailed about what I should do, and what will happen if I fail to [illegible] I’m so sorry I ever started this. Saw Deepdelver again today. Even worse than I thought: a Crooked-Cross, probably working for Hell and the Liberation at the same time, playing them against each other for good fun. It’s all just another Great Game to them [illegible] either way London will suffer [illegible] I have eaten the letter. I will not be a part of their games!

[even more shaky] Did I really eat the letter? Why? What did it say anyway? Was there even a letter? [illegible] strange dreams lately. May have been to Old Newgate again but not sure. Wait, of course I’ve been there. What is wrong with me? I witnessed something… a ritual, I think. The light from behind the Seven Stars! Castigat ridendo mores. May have been followed…

[hardly legible] the dreams oh god they won’t stop I see them everywhere the snakes THE SNAKES THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE CO

Ms. Nicola Palla, &quotMnemophage&quot by alias. Origin excruciatingly Mediterranean; childhood years spent among the Colonies. Early life and education unknown, though she held a brief research position at the University, where her particularly Benthic loyalties tended mostly towards unsavoury graffiti and unspeakable researches. Polyglot. Autodidact. Naturalist. Paranaturalist. Consulting detective of some particular note, with strong ties to the Brass Embassy and the Constables but clients across the full spectrum of Neathy societies. Afflicted with an unknown malady of the eyes, albeit thoroughly benign. An eligible bacheloress, despite frequent and impassioned attempts at her learned hand. Strong loyalties among ravens and other damnably gossiping things. Unique, though wholly valid religious views. Eternally available for employ in – what’s that? &quotUnearthing mysteries, solving dilemmas, conquering puzzles, pinioning the guilty, aiding the free flow of information and baring the naked, shivering Truth to the concert eye of London and all its captive souls.&quot

May I have those letters back now? Please. I have a family.