Wanted to vent X.X

Fallen London
1

I don’t want to post this on a board filled with other kids but I want to vent about it to someone not IRL and it is friendly here ^/

A old friend is pushing me to get a facebook account when we talked on kik, then I looked up her facebook page and she was liking the biggest taiwan anti-gay page and flaming people and copying &quotscientific data&quot about gay being mental disorders and telling them to go die x.x

She doesn’t study with me anymore but this group of friend meet up each Christmas (one of them is gay) so I have to tell the others about her and try ditch her, FML T_T

2

That sucks

3

While unfortunate, it is preferable to unexpectedly discovering your “friend’s” anti-homosexual agenda with everyone around and improvising ways to deal with the fallout.

At least this gives you ample time to prepare appropriately.

4

Fake coming out of the closet and tell her you love her, that’s bound to get an entertaining reaction.
Edit: I’m assuming you’re a female because of your name, if not, convince someone else to fake coming out of the closet.
edited by Infinity Simulacrum on 12/15/2016

5

As her friend, you might be in a unique position to affect her stance. I know it’s hard, but I truly believe the best way to change people’s minds is by talking to them. (Of course, first and foremost - make sure you’re taking care of yourself, and don’t engage if it’s not healthy).

I am encouraged by the story of Derek Black - a prominent member of a racist group, raised with the views of his parents. His (at first very surprised) college friends decided to keep him in their circle - and ultimately helped him see the lies he had been raised with. He’s since been a vocal opponent of racism.

Here’s hoping Fallen London’s ideals of equality written into this beautiful, fictional city become better mirrored in our own, real world.
edited by Ginneon Thursday on 12/19/2016

6

I’m sorry this happened to you :-(.

The same thing happened to me a couple times, mostly with loose acquaintances or friends of friends. I ended up writing them a disapproving message and cutting ties. If you’re actually friends with her and feel up to it, it might be worth sitting her down in person and having an Uncomfortable Adult Conversation about her behaviour.

Mr Thursday’s approach might be most honorable and potentially fruitful but it most likely requires years of interaction with that lady, thus dealing with lots and lots of irrational hatred. If you’re up to that you’re a better woman than me.

Infinity Simulacrum: That’s immature and kind of mean. I love it.

7

Cackles madly and staggers off-screen

8

[quote=Infinity Simulacrum]Fake coming out of the closet and tell her you love her, that’s bound to get an entertaining reaction.
Edit: I’m assuming you’re a female because of your name, if not, convince someone else to fake coming out of the closet.[/quote]

Entertaining, but unlikely to ends well. On the off chance that the friend is in the closet…

Think about it carefully. If you want to convince her, it possibly will take a lot of effort and will not work. If you decides to cut ties and stop being friends, let her know this is why.

9

[quote=Infinity Simulacrum]Fake coming out of the closet and tell her you love her, that’s bound to get an entertaining reaction.
Edit: I’m assuming you’re a female because of your name, if not, convince someone else to fake coming out of the closet.[/quote]

No way xD. I am too young, and I can’t do that with actually gay friend (one in the same group) already worried about coming out!!!

[quote=Blaine Davidson]While unfortunate, it is preferable to unexpectedly discovering your &quotfriend’s&quot anti-homosexual agenda with everyone around and improvising ways to deal with the fallout.

At least this gives you ample time to prepare appropriately.[/quote]

ikr! Looking back its good and lucky that she never talked about it irl, our group stayed away from facebook, we missed all signs of it.

[quote=Lorn-Fluke]
The same thing happened to me a couple times, mostly with loose acquaintances or friends of friends. I ended up writing them a disapproving message and cutting ties. If you’re actually friends with her and feel up to it, it might be worth sitting her down in person and having an Uncomfortable Adult Conversation about her behaviour.

Mr Thursday’s approach might be most honorable and potentially fruitful but it most likely requires years of interaction with that lady, thus dealing with lots and lots of irrational hatred. If you’re up to that you’re a better woman than me.[/quote]

[quote=Morkan Kassington]
Think about it carefully. If you want to convince her, it possibly will take a lot of effort and will not work. If you decides to cut ties and stop being friends, let her know this is why.[/quote]

I still don’t know what I wanna do. It sounds more responsible to change her mind. But we just started secondary school and I don’t trust her or me to have a uncomfortable conversation with respect. Everytime i look at what she posted i feel like I wanna grow up making better friends or spending more time with my nicer friends. And I wanna keep her away from my other friends so they won’t feel bad hearing her crap. x.x

Edit: but thanks for answering me. It is great to hear from your advices.
edited by Sandi Gummy on 12/17/2016
edited by Sandi Gummy on 12/17/2016

10

Taking on a more serious stance…

It’s not your responsibility to reform her or better her or change her mind, just so you know. She’s an autonomous person who’s perfectly capable of forming her own opinion and making her own choices, making the assumption that she’s somehow strayed from the light is, while understandable and quite justified, not the best sentiment to carry in my opinion. Quite frankly, I’d just condemn her and expunge her from my social circle, since I’ve no patience with bigots, sexists, racists, and vegetarians (edit: the last one is a joke).

Still, it’s your choice, if you want to make a considerable effort trying to sway someone who is fairly well-rooted in her opinion and seems to be secretly struggling with homoerotic feelings, then feel free to.
edited by Infinity Simulacrum on 12/17/2016

11

True that. Unfortunately, we can’t educate every ar*****e on the planet.

Honestly, choosing to spend more time with nice people and carefully selecting your new friends is a great skill to develop. Life is too short to spend it with awful people.

I really like how protective you sound concerning your other friends. They are lucky to have you in their life, methinks :-).

12

A person doesn’t need to be ‘secretly struggling with homoerotic feelings’ to be a big ol homophobe. That’s a line of nonsense mostly embraced by straight people so they can feel smugly blameless. &quotOh, those gay people are just oppressing themselves, no fault of ours.&quot So don’t let the idea make you feel misguided pity for this person.

It’s highly likely, Sandi, that your ‘friend’ is just another pathetic hatemonger that you’d be better off telling to take a hike. You really are better off getting your group of friends to discard her.
edited by Eglantine-Fox on 12/18/2016

13

reads secondary school Sounds like a stupid kid still figuring things out for themselves to me.

14

You say &quotsecondary school&quot, so I assume you or your friends are young teenagers. People, especially kids, are products of their surrounding and circumstances. Family, upbringing, education, things like that. That hate has to come from somewhere.

So, take a step back and ask yourself. How well do you know said friend?

[ul][li]Does she come from a very religious family?
[/li][li]Is her family okay with her views and behavior? Do they know?[/li][li]Does she study in a school where they actively teach things like that? [/li][li]Did she read something on the internet that made her so?[/li][li]Is she surrounded by people not homophobic?[/li][li]Is it something integral to her life? Does she cling to it because she has little else?[/li][/ul]These things are important in gauging if you should or can convince her or not. If she is surrounded by people that agree with her, it will become significantly harder to get through to her, especially at your age.

[quote=TeslaWalker]reads secondary school Sounds like a stupid kid still figuring things out for themselves to me.[/quote][quote=Eglantine-Fox]It’s highly likely, Sandi, that your ‘friend’ is just another pathetic hatemonger that you’d be better off telling to take a hike. You really are better off getting your group of friends to discard her.[/quote]People aren’t so simple to be properly summarized as &quotpathetic hatemongers&quot, but unfortunately people’s interaction can solely consist of hate.

Ditching her is certainly a valid decision.
That said, she was once your friend. You should think about how your friendship was and decide if it is worth it.

[ul][li]Does she play a lot with you, or have you been through something more together?[/li][li]You also mentioned that you have mutual friends, some of which are LGBT - what do they think?[/li][li]Will they want to try changing her mind, or are they not happy about being friends with her?[/li][li]Even if you ditch her, it might be worth talking over with your friends.
[/li][li]Perhaps your other friends just want to cut her off, or they want to give her one last try.[/li][/ul]On a slightly less serious note, you can try introducing her to media that happens to include LGBT matters.
TV Shows, games (Bioware stuff comes to mind) where some characters happen to be LGBT.
Probably not stuff where you have strawman religious nuts, though.

Edit: Try to avoid engaging her through the Internet or social media and stick to face-to-face contact.
It is much harder for people to get hostile, refuse to listen, or walk away in real life.
You also avoid interference from internet strangers and prevent her from just reading off argumentative script this way.
Whatever you do, don’t get in a fight.
edited by Estelle Knoht on 12/18/2016

15

Talk to her, ask her why. Always the best decision.

16

Some very good points from Estelle. The internet makes it very easy to get carried away and say things in the heat of the moment, And they never go away, So even if/when a person has moved on, it’s always there. RL conversation beats web interaction every time.

17

Do what you think is best for you, Ms Gummy - if you feel like talking with your friend about it would be worthwhile, then do, but you think breaking contact would be safer and healthier for you, that is absolutely reasonable. You’re under no obligation to put your wellbeing on the line if you don’t want to.

18

[quote=Eglantine-Fox]A person doesn’t need to be ‘secretly struggling with homoerotic feelings’ to be a big ol homophobe. That’s a line of nonsense mostly embraced by straight people so they can feel smugly blameless. &quotOh, those gay people are just oppressing themselves, no fault of ours.&quot So don’t let the idea make you feel misguided pity for this person.

It’s highly likely, Sandi, that your ‘friend’ is just another pathetic hatemonger that you’d be better off telling to take a hike. You really are better off getting your group of friends to discard her.
edited by Eglantine-Fox on 12/18/2016[/quote]
Addendum: The &quotHomoerotic feelings&quot part was not meant seriously in any way, shape, or form. I see why you mistook my upbeat and jokish demeanor for generalization, but t’was not.

19

Okay so others here are responding from the perspective of ‘lead your friend gently by the hand to enlightenment if you can.’ And that’s fine if you’re prepared to do it. But I’m looking at ‘old friend you don’t study with anymore’ and suspecting that your friendship was fading anyway, and responding from the perspective of the kind of people in your friendship group that you were hoping to protect from her.

If she’s being virulently and persistently homophobic on the internet, chances are that is her true self when she feels there are no consequences. Just because she miiiiight be more polite if you talk face-to-face doesn’t mean she’s any better, it just means she thinks there might be social consequences for things like telling people to go die.

So, at the very least, warn your friendship group. This is the highest priority. Do not let them mistake her for a safe person. If she’s willing to tell people on facebook to go die, and comes to know about your gay friend, how long before your gay friend becomes a potential target for harassment?

What you decide to do about her in general is less important than that, honestly.

-sincerely, a hella queer person who is very worried for your gay friend.

20

I’m with @Eglantine-Fox. Warn your friends. Tell them this person is not safe. Maybe someday she will be, but right now she is not. It is not your job to fix her. You only have so much time for people. GIve it to the people you value.

Also, if you aren’t close she wouldn’t listen to you anyway.