This opprotunity card left me chuckling a tad.

&quotA Night for for Knives and Candles: The rakes and ruffians who play Knife-and-Candle are out in force tonight. Some have been drinking, and at least one thinks that you are his mark.&quot

&quotPlaying even rougher: Of course, you could just stand on a nearby rain barrel and loudly declaim that any players of Knife-and-Candle nearby are gutless weasels with all the poise and breeding of a sorrow-spider.&quot

&quotKnives and Wax: Players of Knife-and-Candle come at you from all directions! Knives flash in the dim light, and wax goes everywhere. Used to ambushes, the players attempt to escape your wrath. A few make it away, although others lie bleeding on the cobblestones as you take their candles.&quot

Perhaps I went a tad too far in that encounter…

anyone else got an opprotunity card that gave them a laugh?
edited by Naomi Barlett on 7/4/2017

I would always chuckle with the Young Buck card. Other that never ceases to amuse me is the one in which you have to take care of some dogs (or would they be marsh-wolves?) for a tomb-colonist.

&quotThree ladies faint. So do three gentlemen and a passing waiter. Two cats fall off the roof and and an elderly horse outside keels over. You are denounced in two newspapers and a sermon. What words! You have definitely gone too far this time.&quot

And not a drop of scandal.

My favorite is:

Suspicious pallbearers watch your approach, but when you lay the stiff-whiskered body gently on the ground they nod grudgingly. You stand quietly while white-collared rat-priests solemnly spit and trample on an image of St Gertrude de Nivelles. A minuscule double row of rat-choristers squeaks a requiem. A blear-eyed ratwife pats your boot consolingly. &quotE was too good for this wicked world,’ she assures you. &quotE’s best off quiet in the earth. Bein’ et by beetles.&quot

My favorite is when you send in a bold explorer (weasel) decked out in the finest gear (candle on head) into a vaguely owl-shaped abyss.

My favorite text is from Unfinished Business in Watchmaker’s Hill, where you win fights so easily your mind starts to wander. When did I promise to meet someone for tea? Did I leave the oven on? Why are people throwing Rostygold at me? Oh, right.

My favorite text from a Card is from when the Curt Relicker sees hidden messages in your pile of scraps, and recertifies half your kitchen appliances and your hat.

I think my favourite text not for comedic reasons but because its one of the rare times in game I’ve experienced the bowl loosening kind of power that the masters wield.

its the text you get for failing to rob the bazzar (not sure if this is considered a spoiler or not please let me know if it is and ill adjust accordingly) when you get captured and dragged before a measter and just…looks at you which breaks your mind…its easy to forget having player armour on but there’s a dam good reason the maesters are the maesters have control of London.

I can’t remember if either of these came from cards, but I’ve always loved these two little bits of hilarity:

“Last night was something of a blur. Someone, who might have been you, drew a map to ‘getting absolutely slewed’. You don’t remember much after that, but you do have a few beer mats in your pocket. And look, someone has drawn on them.”


“The heads moan and cackle and weep. One is counting backwards in French. Another seems to be choking. The leaves tremble miserably. Left to its own devices, your plant won’t say anything of use.”

I always try to write a funny title for everything I journal, but in both cases, I realized there was absolutely nothing that could make these funnier and just let them stand on their own :P

They semi-casually use the Correspondence, a language that will burn stone and lead if proper precautions are not taken. Even casual exposure will singe eyebrows and scorch off your hair, not to mention drive you temporarily mad.

Also, you know, no one’s really seen them truly get physical. Well, except for people pursuing a certain Ambition.

“It’s a fair collar, and no mistake, but society is to blame.”

Excessive referencing of Monty Python can become tedious, but sparingly used it can make one chuckle. It did so this time.

They semi-casually use the Correspondence, a language that will burn stone and lead if proper precautions are not taken. Even casual exposure will singe eyebrows and scorch off your hair, not to mention drive you temporarily mad.

Also, you know, no one’s really seen them truly get physical. Well, except for people pursuing a certain Ambition.[/quote]
ahh I know what you speak though I’ve learnt it from the forums…thinking about it the maesters are lot more subtle than they need to be aren’t they?.
considering that the drake from what I’ve heard is basically impossible to kill a feet only comparable to men like fedduci him self…
you know speaking about missed opportunity’s like this is making me want to start a second character…

this has given me an idea for a discussion to start in the salon actually.


It should be mentioned that lately its been shown that even speaking the correspondence by the master can hurt someone.

Favorite little phrases from maniac’s prayer “This is a plan without flaw nor any possibility for error.” Leads to this “A room. Possibly your room. You don’t know the time of day, or which day it is, or your name. But these are trifles, and your hair will grow back eventually. What matters is what you have witnessed. The howling letters from beyond the reach of Surface telescopes!”

As well as the description of strangling willow absinthe.

I like the Young Buck card.

The virtues of experience
He nods hungrily at your acquiescence. He asks when you should duel. You shoot him. Perhaps he will show more wisdom when he recovers. You take his expensive cravat as a souvenir.

A triumph of age and treachery
Is there some factory on the Wolfstack Docks churning out callow young bucks? There are a dozen of them, each more desperate than the last for fame at the cost of your hide. There are too many to fight fairly, so you take up a sniping position and start to pick them off. The wiser among them drop their purses in the hope of mercy as they run.

The first one is funny, the second one is ridiculous.

A few of my favorites:

[quote] You confront Jasper, telling him that it is time he returned to his duties. He hits you with a sledgehammer until you go away.

By the time you arrive at the publisher’s office, someone else has stolen the manuscript. Can one trust nobody in this city?

&quotCapital! You’re now a menace to foot traffic across London!&quot

Next season’s fashion will be for arrhythmic ballet in fuchsia pantaloons. Poetry is dead. The Consort wishes to see a production of Coriolanus, staged on burning frigates on the river. …Someone is having you on.

A note arrives for you. It smells faintly of cats. The Duchess, no doubt.

Your hymn is a hit! They’re belting it out all over city. Churches throw open their doors to huge crowds and bring in extra pews. Your work inspires a dozen tiny splinter-sects, some with alarming theological quirks. The newspapers report outbreaks of public decorum and good works. An angry mob sings your composition as they hurl a startled devil into the river.

The Paronomastic Newshound’s headlines locate him in a dangerous territory: the hinterland between Increased Circulation and Editorial Defenestration.

Losing an argument is always painful. Doubly so when the loss is due to some critic beating you unconscious with a leather-bound volume.

An editor at Saint Cyriac’s Illuminated College has suffered a nasty accident with a typewriter. They have an unexpected opening. The college that is, not the editor.[/quote]

And, my favorite…

And maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always found the name &quotThe 23rd Neathy Rifles&quot to be pretty ridiculous.
Of course, maybe some of this is just me, but that’s fine. I hope at least a couple of these give ya a rise.

I really just want to say.

This thread appeared under “The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat!” in my unread topics.