The Phlegethonian Gazette
No. 1171…WEDNESDAY, July 6, 1898…Price Ten Pence
Bishop of Southwark Caught in Scandal
Recently a concerned citizen of London has come to this publication with disturbing information about the Bishop of Southwark, and his association with less than reputable. This admirable citizen informed us about the Bishop’s opinions and secret, private interactions with rubbery men. Not only does this information bring into question the Bishop’s allegiances to London, as we are unsure if the Bishop has nefarious ties to other foreign powers, but it also puts into question his character. After all, what kind of person would consort privately and frequently with rubbery men?
continued p. 2
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A Case for the Rattus Faber
As the editor of the Phlegethonian Gazette, and a Rattus Faber myself, I ask you the reader this question: Why are the rats of London treated as less than any other inhabitant of London? Some might say that we rats are mere vermin or bringers of plague and disease, but I can say without a doubt that these beliefs are not only unfounded and painfully inaccurate. The rats of London labour just as hard if not harder than any other species in London; even more so when considering labour in relation to size. Rats are even able to take on jobs that other inhabitants in London are unable to perform. For an example, look to any ratwork mechanism, which would not even exist were it not for the hard work of London’s rats. The benefits that we, the Rattus Faber, have brought to London are too many to count, but what do we receive in return for this thankless and tireless work? Nothing but contempt and disgust. We are hunted daily by beasts such as dogs and cats and forced to take on dangerous or arduous jobs in order to survive, when not hunted down like any common pest. I ask you, the reader of this publication: Is this fair, when all we want are the same rights as any other inhabitant of London?
continued p. 5
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Current Trends in the World of Art and Artistry
As ever London seethes with artistic vision and genius from the humblest of Veilgarden’s Poets to the grandest of Novelists and Playwrights in the Empress’s Court. Truly London is one of the greatest centers of art with the city being outside of the influence of mundane surface art, and a spirit to match as any Londoner on the street can attest to. Which is why it is such a tragedy that the art currently presented to us by the current pacesetter in the artistic world is so dull, dreary, and otherwise lacking the spark that city brings to those inclined to the pursuit of the craft. No publication better exemplifies this than the Goosey Gazette. A thoroughly and unrepentantly biased rag that seeks nothing, but to make its own pompous narcissism known to all. One does not even need to look hard to see these facts for they are self-evident, and no one and I mean no one should spend even the slightest part of their precious time reading this dreadful Goosey Gazette.
continued p. 2
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A Frightful Increase in Sorrow Spider Attacks
Throughout London the scourge of the Sorrow Spiders is always present. It raises the hairs on the back of one’s neck to even think of the ghastly fate that awaits those, who are victims of these horrid monsters, which plague our city. Every Londoner knows someone, who has lost an eye or eyes to these little fiends and as such it is worrying to learn that Sorrow Spiders have been more active than ever. This publication has received reports from a number of experts that Sorrow Spiders have been making more people victims of their insidious and larcenous habits of stealing eyes from out of citizen’s head in their sleep or even when awake as the attacks have been increasingly bold as of late.
continued p. 3
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Guaranteed Methods of Protection Against Sorrow Spiders and the Tools Necessary to So