The 1896 Mayoral Debates (a parodical fanficiton)

(First, let me note that I was unsure whether to put this under Election or Mr Pages’ Fabularities. But since the aim is to create fanfiction about the candidates, and not discuss them, I put it here.)

“I will restore the Kingdom to its former glory! Under my guidance, everyone will get high from Mushrooms and Red Honey.” The Captivating Princess expounded from her podium. “If you support me, I will bake a cake, and let you eat it!”

“The cake is a lie, ladies and gentlemen,” rebutted the Jovial Contrarian. “I have been invited to the Shuttered Palace for cake many times, by hers truly. But never once have I received cake, for every time -”

Mr Slowcake burst through the wall. “Wassup,” said Mr Slowcake.

It was then, that for the first time, everyone saw - Mr Slowcake was no man. He was the monstrous incarnation of Hell. (It’s actually four devils underneath a turtle costume.)

Mr Slowcake brought out a giant Brass Ring, and pulled it over the Princess, around her waist. “You’re coming with me, Princess,” he growled.

“Wait no, help me, Jovial Contrarian!” The Princess was carried off to Hell.

The Jovial Contrarian tore off his suit, revealing underneath a red hat and overalls. “It looks like my secret training in plumbing will finally pay off. I am an ally of the working man! It’s-a Jovial time! Ya-hoo!” With that, the Jovial Contrarian bounded off.
edited by wrondo on 6/18/2018

There needs to be an option to give a comment more than +1 for “the cake is a lie.”

(As the Captivating Princess was carried offstage, she could be heard muttering something about the Contrarian’s best friend, a painter in the Cubist style, and how he had murdered him.

One does wonder what she will do to the Devils…)

Meanwhile, an anonymous pamphlet began to circulate speculating that all THREE candidates were the bizarre byproduct of an “electric abacus in the clouds” (h/t: fellow Fallen London player and anachronism-lover John McCabe-Dansted)… but that’s another story for another time.