Ratmas 2015; Bad Jokes Never Die

Welcome to the ground floor of the hot new Ratmas 2015 Megathread, for all your ratmas 2015 needs and wants.

[b]What's a Ratmas???[/b]
In 2013, I decided it would be funny to get a bunch of people to send rats to Alexis Kennedy on the 7th of December, because 7 is The Number and I'd basically been sending rats for an entire frickin' year. This let to many rats being sent. Many ballads and poems were created to commemorate this event, and it was generally considered to be one of the most life-changing events of the 3rd millennium.
It is no longer 2013, and it's no longer possible to send Alexis Kennedy rats, due to the creation of the Accepting No Further Rats quality. This was considered to be one of the most tragic events of the 3rd millennium. Nevertheless, Ratmas abides, because if you can do something once it's worth carrying forward that memory for the rest of eternity. or something like that, anyhow

[b]Okay, but do you have, like, any news or anything?[/b]
Well, nothing major. Unfortunately, I've been [i]busy as all heck[/i] for the past few months, so I haven't got anything cool to announce like &quotyo i made a 30000 word goofy nonsense Twine game&quot. I mean, I wish I did, but I don't. I did a few things, though!

[url=http://rattus.storynexus.com/s]I have (finally, finally) made another update to Rat Sending Simulator 2k15, henceforth to be known as Rat Sending Simulator 20XX because otherwise i'd have to spend ten seconds of effort every year changing the damn thing.[/url] You can now frick yourself up in the Bee Zone's Gene Pool. If you don't know what that means, you should send rats harder. I wanted to do more stuff, but I ran out of time, and some of it probably feels a bit rushed around the edges. Still, go hog wild! If you've never played Rat Sending Simulator 20whatever, now is as good a time as any. Don't consider this the Final Update or anything, I may well get the urge to just add a bunch of stuff one day on a whim. It's happened before. Do note that I haven't had the chance to test any of this at all, so if it doesn't work, I am terribly sorry.

On the Twine game front, I have even less to report. Postman Apocalypse is 99% the same as it was last year, but I've uploaded it somewhere else and added a bit of stuff to the Christmas Card ending. As a result, the Christmas Card Machine is now at least 2x larger than it was before, and it was [i]frickin huge[/i] before.

You can play Postman Apocalypse [url=http://spacemarine9.itch.io/postmanapoc]Here on itch.io[/url] or [url=http://www.philome.la/Spacemarine9/postman-apocalypse]Here on philome.la[/url]

You can play the seperate Christmas Card generator [url=http://spacemarine9.itch.io/cards]Here on itch.io[/url] or [url=http://www.philome.la/Spacemarine9/christmas-card-machine]Here on philome.la[/url]

[b]Okay!!!!!!!!!!!! But I don't care about any of that, I want to send rats to people[/b]
Fortunately, sending rats is all about what Rat Sending Simulator is all about. I know what you mean, though; Ratmas just isn't the same without people to send rats in the post to, in Fallen London, making the poor postmen suffer even further and probably driving a few of them to succumb to the Pull and embark for Nuncio. It's a tradition!

While sending Alexis rats is impossible, there are fortunately quite a few Failbetters who are not Alexis. You can instead send them rats, which is like sending rats to Alexis [b]in spirit[/b]. Kinda. In a pinch, cats will also suffice, because you can turn a cat into a rat by rubbing out a bit of the c.
Here's the Certainly Incomplete Probable Failbetters Hitlist.
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/CHGardiner or http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/profile/chris%20gardiner

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I don't remember if sending Rats of Glory is limited by Accepting No Further Rats or not, but if you've got one, they're a very powerful gift.
It's possible to send Christmas cards to anyone you want, wherever they happen to be, regardless of whether or not you're acquainted. This Ratmas, I feel we should send some holiday cheer to a poor, neglected, forgotten soul, whose name is often misremembered, who bears the weight of many menaces, day-by-day. I am, of course, talking about none other than Mr Eaten.
[url=http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/mr%20eaten]Send the poor fella your Christmas cards. [/url]The thought's what counts. If you don't have any cards, that's okay! It doesn't have to be today. As long  as you don't postpone it indefinitely, everything's fine.

[i]edited by Spacemarine9 on 12/7/2015[/i]
[i]edited by Spacemarine9 on 12/7/2015[/i]
[i]edited by Spacemarine9 on 12/7/2015[/i]

Happy Ratmas everyone! I’m definitely going to be sending a Christmas card to Mr Eaten.

‘In an hour of Darkness a blind man is the best guide. In an age of Insanity look to the madman to show the way.’


edited by Charlotte_de_Witte on 1/25/2016

The coming of Ratmas heralds the two year anniversary of SMEN’s retirement on December 9th, 2013. Never forget the brave server that melted in the line of duty that ratmas.

Well, if Alexis can’t be Ratted, it will do to send them to others in a pinch. Even new players can feel the pang of the sorrow of something lost they never had.

– Mal

Postman’s Apocalypse is a dreaded time sink.

It should 've been added as a profession :)
… an hour passes.
Hey! I think I’ve found most of the endings?
edited by Parelle on 12/7/2015
edited by Parelle on 12/7/2015

Is it bad I now want to send a card to Mr Eaten?

(7 Enigmas out of my Rat of Glory! Woo!)

Moi aussi, ocelot! Not bad for a 28% skill check.

– Mal

I have an Overgoat and made a priority of restocking Watchful gear, so it was 62% at 262 Watchful. Much less impressive luck than yours!
edited by an_ocelot on 12/7/2015

'Twas the 7th of December, and all through the 'Neath, folks were wrapping up rats with sharp little teeth."

Ocelot, did you really gamble your Seeker candles for this??

Can the Simulator be used to send virtual rats to a certain person?

– Mal

I’ll be sure to send a merry little card to Mr Eaten, but it’d be jolly nice to get one in return… :(

Merry ratmas!
If anyone has any rats they don’t need, including possibly any spare rats of glory, I would gladly take them.
Also yes I believe you can send Alexis Rats through the Simulator.

I only had St. Destin’s because I’d misclicked and lost St Arthur’s and St Beau’s (I never had Cerise’s) not too long before it went on hiatus. So it wasn’t that big a risk.

(Also now I am stupidly nostalgic for Seeking. I know FBG is aware that Seeking would be welcomed back, and I also know that FBG has more pressing commitments to getting on with, so I’m not trying to be annoying about it! Just, good times. For certain values thereof.)
edited by an_ocelot on 12/7/2015

I’m so sorry, everyone.

:mouse::rat::mouse::rat::mouse::rat:ratmas go౦ԁ rAtmas​:rat:thats :candle: some rat​:rat::rat:mas right​:rat::rat:th :rat:ere​:rat::rat::rat:right​:candle:there :candle::candle:if i do ƽaү so my self:seven:i say so :seven::candle:thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ:seven::mouse::mouse::mouse:НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ:rat::rat::rat::rat::candle: :rat::candle::candle::candle::rat::rat:RatmAs
edited by Natalie H. on 12/7/2015

I know what you mean. I miss the Seeking content, too (is this masochistic?). Good times. (but seriously - it was such good writing).

I still remember stumbling upon your LiveJournal and how it helped me to learn more about Seeking… :-) Back when the wiki didn’t have such a detailed guide.

Definitely been a good Ratmas so far today - had a nice dinner out, got Bravely Default and a new pair of boots, and when I lit my Rat of Glory it gave me 6 Searing Enigmas. Excellent!