Maiden of the Storm Crusade (www.motsc.storynexus.com) is a short, episodic storyline meant to be used as a supplement for my Pathfinder Campaign City of Dusk: Winds of the Storm (You can read more about the City of Dusk on the wiki at Obsidian Portal. The wiki for it is admittedly not one of my better pages, but is updated frequently). Since I ended up submitting the first part of the story for the world contest, I figured it would be good to start this thread for feedback.
Thank you, [color=#000000]Rune Hofseth[/color], for pointing out both a critical error and the lack of a place for feedback. At his request, I have fixed the war-weary card for “Waking Sleeping Saints” so that it no longer appears in “Raising the Banner.” edited by Anthony Rossi on 10/1/2012 edited by Anthony Rossi on 10/1/2012
Just noticed a second thing that can quite easily be abused(I should know since i experimented with it to my limit >D )
on the ‘A knock at the door’ card you have forgotten to make it advance the story if you pick ‘Take him in. Hide him somewhere.’ as such my might and cunning stats is now 20 due to repeated use of it >.>
i must have been blessed by the gods in my youth(or did i sell my soul to the demons, so hard to keep straight these days) to start that strong and cunning
Quick grammatical note: on the root text for the card “Your Plan”, the first sentence says: “It’s likely that your guest’s attackers will track him here, and you will have to deal with them?” I’d suggest changing the question mark to a period.
So far, it looks interesting. I haven’t seen any high fantasy games so far, and I think I’m going to enjoy this one.
The only suggestion I have is to make it less grindy. Maybe put in some sidequests that contribute to the defense of the neighborhood. The same criticism plays into the end too. One thing I’ve seen in other story games on here that work really well for battles are the mandatory cards(the ones that automatically play once the player meets the requirements) Have different options for those cards that players can choose that depend on different stat checks. In the final battle, pace it out so they activate once you get 3, 6, and 10.
You don’t need to do this if you don’t want to but it’s one of the things I’ve seen in other story games that I’ve really liked.
If you got to play through all of the “Little Brittle Trinkets” section, and acquired the sentinels skull, you’ll know that I do have some sidequests that effect the endgame. Originally, I wanted there to be about three of these sidequest sections. Each one would give you something to help with “Raising the Banner,” but if you got all the way through you would also get an item that you could use in “Waking Sleeping Saints” and as a tidy side bonus you would also get some “Whispers of a Black Dawn.”
So at the end, you could get two points for killing the leader, two points for using the sentinel’s skull, two points for using the mercenary sorcerer, and two points for leading a sneak attack against the flank. That would give you 8 out of the 10 points you need. The “Defending the Barricade” card is meant to be used to bridge the gap for the sidequest items you missed
[/b]Of course, before I could do any of this, I ran into the deadline for the contest, and so I can’t finish until the worlds are done being judged. Hopefully I can add these once the contest is over, though! Thanks for letting me know that I am on the right track with the sidequests.
Huh, I didn’t know that people could use Official IP on Story Nexus. It certainly sets an interesting precedent. Could a team, for instance, set up a Story Nexus game based on the Guardians of Ga’hoole? It’s a fantasy series based on Owls and other birds that fight amongst each other. It’s like Redwall but with more balls (I mean that as a compliment).
I of course meant no insult to Brian Jacques, the writer of the Redwall series - may he rest in peace.
[color=#009900]If you’re thinking of using any non-original IP, please make sure you’ve read the Creator Guidelines on the topic. The relevant excerpt is below. The key point is that it’s not our decision whether you can use content from ‘Guardians’, it’s the author’s. It’s up to you to determine whether they’re OK with that.[/color]
[b]7. In the case of explicit fan-fiction, we recognise that a culture of tacit acceptance exists around popular franchises, and rights owners are often generous in permitting use of their content. However:
If a rights owner has indicated that they object to fan fiction (or infringement of their intellectual property rights generally), you must not post content based on their works. A limited discussion of well-known authors with opinions on the matter can be found here: Legal issues with fan fiction - Wikipedia . However it is your responsibility to determine a rights’ owner’s attitude.We will comply immediately with takedown requests.We do not permit any monetisation of fan fiction worlds, unless the rights owner has provided us with explicit notice in writing that their intellectual property may be used for monetisable StoryNexus fan-fiction.[/b]
Since I wrote the Pathfinder Campaign that this is based off of, and especially since Pathfinder is almost completely under the OGL, I’m not concerned too much with violating anybody else’s IP. However, if during the course of the game you come across the proper names of any gods from either Greyhawk or Golarion, you should point them out to me. Neither of those are covered by the OGL, and I was being very careful not to use them. If they are somewhere in the game I ought to know so that I can surgically remove them. If they are on the Obsidian Portal page, that is fine, but I don’t want any of the deities that I don’t own in my storynexus world.
Probably not useful, but I enjoyed this. It played through simply, bish-bash-bosh jobs a goodun prologue/intro style. I was left at the end wanting to play some more in the same environment, although obviously with more options of things to do.
I fixed the wiki. Now you ought to be able to view all of the wiki pages. I am constantly updating the wiki with information on the setting, though since you are not in the actual Pathfinder game that I’m running, you’ll most likely want to look at the forums for updates. I will also try to put updates on this thread as well. So if you don’t want to slog through the information on the Obsidian Portal page, you can also keep track of updates here.