Good evening fellow freethinkers, revolutionaries, and people who just fancy a spot of bombing financiers now and again, I, Penelope Vespers, have come to level upon you a synopsis of my newest work of philosophy and ethical thought! I believe that the key to any success revolution are broad cultural shifts as far reaching as they are labyrinthine and no piece of culture is more vital and closely held as ethics. Even here in the 'Neath we have still held on to the scraps of right and wrong as handed down by beguiling grandmothers and switch bearing priests. Perhaps murder is not so grand a crime as it was and perhaps thievery inspires more "Oh you adorable rapscallion!" exclamations than chopped hands but both are still rather impolite.
It comes to us then that a true revolution must begin in our hearts for these rules as tender or welt-reminding as they might be are still chains, chains that holds us as readily as any much more literal bondage would! In my treatise I mean to examine how we might decide what is right and what is wrong by beginning with our perhaps most vital need: our gnawing hunger. And do not be turned by a lack of bourgeois academic credentials for this tapestry was begun not by me but by the philosopher Porphyry! What, you haven’t heard of him? Perhaps you need to spend a little more time reading and less time talking about how Miss Vespers is an uneducated wastrel who spends seventeen hours a day in a daze.
Anyway - to get to the point that is the topic of my book I have traveled far to the south to the Elder Continent. I have sampled the strange traditions of the Presbyterite, struggled with petrification, been disgusted by literal rivers of blood (much less terrifying than the devils would have you believe, but far more wretched and stinking), and perhaps most vital of all had meaningful discourse with every manner of thing that crawls or flys - from wolf to tiger to boar to tortoise. Yes, in the Elder Continent it is not just men and rats and devils who speak but every manner of creature. A further shock is that the beasts of Caution possess a civility and eloquence that rivals at the very least the more clever wearers of neddy suits. This got me to thinking about the things that I consume in order to live the life I live.
Is it truly right that I sit here and allow piece after piece of rigorously smoked meat pass my lips if but by the the smallest change in geography I might be playing chess with the once bearer of that very meat? How can I live with myself know that I consumed something that might have real feelings, real dreams, real potential for greatness. This revelation is made even more cruel with our friends the rubbery and their… Progenitors? Life, intelligence, beauty, charm… All these things could take a myriad of forms that we are completely missing out of because we are too busy having a second helping of Rubbery Lumps.
In light of this I would offer to the conclusion of my ethical examination: we must cease at once the senseless vilification of cannibalism! I believe that as rational creatures we cannot continue to feast on the flesh of beasts who are in many ways our equal if we do not treat one another in the same fashion. The key to ethics is consistency people! It is either this or we cease consuming animal flesh altogether and come now I think we can all agree that’s madness. I mean come on, have any of you actually seen a real vegetable down here? I mean one that doesn’t grow human heads.
I am not saying we should immediately set to creating ranches for the development of human meat markets I am just saying that perhaps instead of letting tomb colonists baste in formaldehyde and alcohol we maybe throw in a little paprika and maybe a scallion? And perhaps instead of silk and linen they might try wrappings of bacon.
Flesh-Stick: WAIT, CANNIBALISM IS A FAUX PAS??? OMG WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME??? ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT THOSE DIRTY LOOKS AT DINNER WERE BECAUSE I GOT MAYO IN MY HAIR OR SOMETHING!
HAHA, JUST KIDDING! I DON’T EAT PEOPLE THEY’RE WAY TOO GAMEY.
Eli: -says nothing and writes something down in a small black book-
It’s not about ethics, it’s about privilege and one’s place in the chain - both the food chain and the Great Chain of Being.
By claiming the right to consume human flesh, you’re effectively asserting that you’re at least an equal to devils and tigers. A bold statement. A dangerous one.
edited by Passionario on 3/24/2016
[quote=Passionario]It’s not about ethics, it’s about privilege and one’s place in the chain - both the food chain and the Great Chain of Being.
By claiming the right to consume human flesh, you’re effectively asserting that you’re at least an equal to devils and tigers. A bold statement. A dangerous one.
edited by Passionario on 3/24/2016[/quote]
Down with chains! Down with privilege! Equal rights for all! … I need to go hide for a while.
Now that you mentioned it, I’m concerned about the vitamin D levels of the citizens of the Neath. We kind of need this thing to live.
Don’t worry, rats contain vitamin D! Especially their tiny livers!
They also contain every other substance one might imagine. Many substances one shudders to imagine, too, and at least two completely unimaginable. Rats are a diverse dish.
My friend, I think you need to rest, too many nightmares does cause problems, just go home and take a break.
If vitamin D loss has you concerned, I might know an incredibly convoluted but rat consumption-free way to help. Follow carefully these steps:
-Bring a quite startling quantity of cash to the Medusa’s Head and tell the barman you’ve a taste for something a little brighter than his usual fare.
-Hand over the quite startling quantity of cash and take the small box he hands you. -DO NOT OPEN IT YET-
-Travel at a sedate, totally non-suspicious pace back to your domicile, and find your way to your mushroom garden (You have no mushroom garden? What kind of Neather are you?)
-Place the box at the garden’s center. -DO NOT OPEN IT YET-
-Remove yourself a safe distance from the box (i.e. outside the garden entirely)
-Load your Rattus Faber Rifle (You have no Rattus Faber Rifle? What kind of Neather are you?) and fire it at the box, taking care not to remain in the doorway after firing.
-IGNORE THE LURE OF THE FLASH OF BRIGHT DAYLIGHT EMANATING FROM YOUR GARDEN. NO, STOP. DON’T LOOK AT IT. YES, EVEN JUST A SECOND CAN KILL YOU, POTENTIALLY. IF THAT’S FINE WITH YOU, WHY ARE YOU WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE VITAMIN D?
Congratulations, your mushrooms have now been exposed to sunlight and will produce some vitamin D for your consumption. Enjoy your newly enhanced fruiting fungi.[li]
edited by The Dark Gentleman on 3/26/2016
Rats don’t have vitamin D down here, they don’t get exposed to the sun either. And fungi don’t produce it either.
My personal take on the matter, after exhausting pondering, is that the Boatman became tired of carrying people dead by avitaminosis (especially after he had too much work in a single week, what with Fallen Londoners dying en masse due to scurvy or rickets and other things). Now, if someone dies because of this, the Boatman just pats on their backs and put them back in their bodies. He has more important deaths to care about.
My dearest Professor, would I persuade the fine citizenry of London to enact such a convoluted plan without it producing the desired results? Why yes, yes I would. But that is beside the point. Mushrooms do in fact contain vitamin D, and can produce it in larger quantities when provided with a source of UV (i.e. dangerous sun-) light.
Now, I would be remiss if I provided no proof to support such a claim, would I not? If you are so inclined, feel free to peruse the enclosed article detailing this rather wondrous property of the mushroom. May it satisfy your doubting mind… And, should it fail to satisfy, please accept my humblest apologies. One cannot satisfy everyone all of the time. Though some do try…
edited by The Dark Gentleman on 3/27/2016
Hm, Biology was never my standing out point. I stand corrected. Yet, I’m still worried about it.
Back to the original point of this topic, I’ve been eating mushrooms (and the occasional animal that I hunted with my own hands) and just praying that the mushrooms are just common non-aware mushrooms.
With the sunlight, I’ve been experimenting with more then then just mushrooms. Like the plant in my basement.
Those things are ungodly dangerous! And they steal food.
You honestly lost me at revolution and again at cannibalism. Thought this whole b----- thing was goin to be about the usual revolutionary speech not veering into university like qualities lacking anything about explosions and unstable components. Blimey…
But you blokes are right, fungi here don’t seem a lick ripe for anything. Least of all eating.
Dears, if you want some proper nutrition just find yourself a plate of Surface-raised food from time to time. Ironically, Dante’s Grill is an excellent source. Devils may have poor taste themselves, but they do know how to please.
Can’t secure an invitation? Feel free to ask, I’m always happy to help up-and-comers.
Or find a way into Summerset. If you can’t, their leftover are still better than what you can buy.
What? Ain’t no shame in getting good food.
edited by Morkan Kassington on 5/20/2016