I don’t normally bother perusing the forums, but all this election hubbub has been far too delicious to miss.
In order to keep it fun and interesting for next year, I humbly suggest we should draw even clearer lines in the sand and do a little more fighting amongst us Londoners.
Mayoral candidates next year could, mayhaps, represent certain groups with clear agendas, leading to very specific changes should the candidate be elected.
So without further ado, here’s a humble offering of my choice candidates for next year’s election.
As narrated by some strange man with a funny hat. I have no idea where he came from.
Disclaimer: English is not my native tongue, so keep the complaints about grammar on the down-low.
Silas the Showman, representing entertainers of all sorts everywhere.
Bread and circus for all! Also magic tricks and prostitutes, for a charge. Magic prostitutes still under development.
Who better to lead Fallen London for a year? Silas the Smooth Showman. The Mighty Magician. The Monster of Mahogay Hall. He knows how to keep you entertained, no matter the cost. And the cost is great.
Hold onto your hats, and kindly leave your shoes at the door, for Silas the Showman will promise a year of entertainment plenty!
Politics can surely wait a year, no?
Oh, what’s that? Is entertainment not your thing? Perhaps you have an interest in all things intellectual?
Why, we have just the candidate for you!
Candidates, actually. The rules for running for Mayor weren’t very thoroughly written.
Representing the University – "an all dems thinks much smarts" as the Urchins say – in this epic race for Mayor, we give you Provost of the Summerset school, and the Principal of Benthic school.
The two intellecual giants have put differences aside (or have they?!) and teamed up to become Mayor together.
(Like I said, the rules aren’t very refined, folks. There might have only been a paragraph written down, somewhere.)
The intellectual duo promise many a thing, from increased trade with the Surfacers to reducing the powers of the Masters.
Free education for all, they even say. Rather nuts they are, say I. Who ever could cover the cost?
But moving on.
Our next candidate is the Captivating Princess. Representing the high class society. Presumably.
A lovely sight for any pair of eyes, indeed. Indeed. Even for those with a curious lack of eyeballs, she’s still a charm. Her voice smooth as honey. Sweet, sweet honey. Mmmm. Her scent as that of the fields of roses up on the surface… oh, where was I?
The Captivating Princess is rather disappointed in the current status quo in the city, and seeing how the two candidates from the University were allowed to run together, the Captivating Princess sees no reason why a royal couldn’t run either. After all, the rules aren’t very ruly.
We really should find out who makes these rules and ask for some accountability. Or maybe not. This could be delicious fun. Ah.
The Captivating Princess wishes all things refined and pretty for the rather uncultured and unseemly Londoners.
The Masters have pledged to help her in such a noble pursuit for refinement and taste, all the while condemning the other candidates as being too uncultured and raucous, flat out offensive or just unbelievably rubbery.
Last but not least, we have a Rubbery Man running for Mayor.
What he wants, or what his name is, we do not know. When asked, I heard something akin to pebbles chattering under breaking waves, and a furious waving of tentacles and other appendages ensued immediately thereafter.
Needless to say, I fled the scene with all due haste, but got the distinct impression that the uninflatable wacky waving rubbery man wanted to run for Mayor.
Surely that must be it, and surely it must be allowed since we’re letting absolutely everyone run. What a mockery of democracy, this. But the rules are the very few rules and the elections must go on.
But I digress, a solid candidate, that one, no doubt.
This, dear Ladies and Gentlemen and people of more excotic reproducing methods, concludes our tour of the latest candidates for Mayor.
Thank you for reading and get the hell off my lawn. I didn’t even invite you here.
edited by Mazater on 7/16/2016
edited by Mazater on 7/16/2016