Letters of Rejection

I think that at the moment, I might be the Londoner with the most abundant, beautiful and elaborate letters of rejections of this year Festival of the Rose. Here are the ones I have collected so far. I have obviously hidden the names of the ladies to protect their privacy.

Dear John, I am flattered by your attentions, truly I am, and the clink of the teeth as they rattled on my doorstep was charming. However, I regret to say that I am pursuing other interests of mine at the moment, and cannot possibly return your affections in the way that you seek. Please, take this jar of teeth as a sincere token of my goodwill and gratitude. Perhaps our paths shall cross again sometime and we may further our acquaintance. Yours, XXX (with a flourish)

My dear Sir: While your attentions are most flattering, I fear that I must decline your kind offer of further advances. As you know, my affections are already engaged, and alas, even were they not, my tastes in romance do not – how shall I put this delicately? – incline towards those of the masculine persuasion. I hope that we may remain friends and colleagues, and I wish you all the best in your search for a more compatible partner in life and the Neath. Yrs. Sincerely etc., XXX

Alas, I am not embarrassed by this collections of rejections, or by what some might think of my insatiable pursuit of Love. I promised to myself that I would find a sweetheart deserving of my love this Feast, and it will happen.
edited by John Vazquez on 2/17/2014

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edited by Flyte on 2/17/2014

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edited by babelfishwars on 2/17/2014

I believe that there are plenty of bachelors, bachelorettes and uh… suitors that are looking for love and I’m pretty sure you’ll find each other sooner or later.

Your romantic misadventures will be nothing but amusing memories once you’re holding your beloved’s hand and facing the vicar (or Bishop, definitely Bishop :D) as he prepares for the wedding rites.

You are so right, Pyrodinium. And I will be sure to invite of those ladies who so softly, cruelly and poetically at times rejected me to the ceremony. Then they will sob and moan and ask themselves: “Why did I say no?”

Your romantic contretemps have touched my heart, insofar as I still have one. Would that I could offer anything so pure as love! Alas, base carnality and tiny sugar fancies are my only stock-in-trade.

Oh, carnalities can sometimes be the beginning of something deeper. Or at least a sweet consolation for the aches of the heart. Sadly, even tough I have nothing against gentlemen who carouse with those of their same gender, I have a personal weakness for women, so I will have to reject your advances. Sugar fancies will be welcomed, though :)

Mine hasn’t replied…

Now now there is no shame to be had in base carnality and tiny sugar fancies. Indeed love is such a dangerous thing in fallen london that I consider the pursuit of romance quite foolish indeed. Declarations of unbridled carnal fixation however are pragmatic. And sugar fancies are delicious.

My greatest sympathies good sir. I am certain your persistence is not in vain. I wish you only the best in your future attempts at romance!

A discreet little dalliance can be quite salubrious as it helps work off the tiny sugar fancies. I see nothing wrong with it, though I am sorry your preferences dictate your saying nay to the kind personage who offered. You have my sympathies, Don Vazquez. I have no doubt you will encounter an amiable lady who finds you similarly agreeable.

I find the odd dalliance to be quite the thing to raise the spirit, sometimes, though my heart was spoken for long ago and is closely guarded, these days. (Not in a jar, mind. That’s someone else’s.)