Mr. Slowcake
A vote for Mr. Slowcake is a vote for SCIENCE. By playing a part in making Slowcake’s Exceptionals even more exceptional with the backing of the Mayor’s Office, you help your friendly neighborhood devil scientists conduct a comprehensive study on the role of the political process on the soul. This is a vastly understudied area that needs both interest and funding because the University concluded that, without a doubt, all one does is lose it.
Furthermore, Mr. Slowcake is undoubtedly the best candidate for puppies everywhere. By handing the levers of power to the Brass Embassy, one tips the scales in their favor in conducting the soul trade. Puppies need not worry, though, because puppies don’t have souls. That doesn’t mean your puppy can’t be a star; it just means it can’t become a star.
The Captivating Princess
A vote for the Captivating Princess is a vote for new playgrounds to run and be free in, especially if it manages to drive all of London’s poor and downtrodden into the sea, or at least just traps them in tenement buildings blocked by art. After all, the last thing a canine wants is competition and potential predators roaming the streets of London, so one must support the hunter of the most dangerous game in a power play against the humans of the city.
Furthermore, the Captivating Princess is undoubtedly the best candidate for puppies everywhere. Consider the facts: does Mr. Slowcake own a puppy? No. Does the Jovial Contrarian own a puppy? No. Does the Captivating Princess own a puppy? No, absolutely not. What are you possibly thinking? Are puppies not Britons too? Britons will never be slaves. It is simply an alliance between two non-humans, where one side of the agreement haunts London’s dreams while the other side refuses to protect it from random strangers wandering in to threaten the puppy’s life to keep it from haunting those aforementioned dreams. Undoubtedly, the Captivating Princess is the best candidate for puppies.
The Jovial Contrarian
A vote for the Jovial Contrarian is a vote for a London of free thought, where the Ministry of Public Decency is separated from the constabulary. Long-suppressed texts and knowledge may find their way into the public, creating a more informed and potentially angry populace perfect for revolutionary thinking to grow and thrive, all while appeasing those in power with the appearance of law and order and jackbooted authoritarianism.
Furthermore, the Jovial Contrarian is undoubtedly the best candidate for puppies everywhere. Remember, he’s in a wheelchair. Do you know what that means? It means lap time nap time all the time every day. What other candidates can offer lap time nap time all the time every day? I’m sure he’d love to have a puppy on his lap all the time; it’d be a great conversation starter, no matter what anyone thinks.