OK. I’ve got to the point where I’m on the road, but I don’t now have any cards, so I’m guessing I’m at the content boundary. So, based on what I saw in Bastion…
There are quite a few things I really liked. The premise is intriguing - I latched onto the comment about the tree somehow knowing where to grow bulbs of water, and the delicate little references to the fact it’s unusual for flowers to be wilting (even though we’re in the desert). Obviously water’s going to be very important here, but not just in the boring sense that it’s scarce. That’s a little bit “different” as a concept, which immediately makes me want to play some more.
Similarly, I like the frequent but vague mentions of the Wall, and the scraps of back-story you can pick up in the library. I felt I was in safe hands, that you’ve got a coherent back-story in your mind, and that it’s all going to come together in a satisfying manner once enough of the story is in place. Again, that encourages me to want to play more.
The only disappointment for me, in terms of intrigue, was the “magic” - which to me, didn’t feel as distinctive or clever as the other themes. Maybe that’s just that I didn’t pick the right skills to explore that particular storyline. But my snap impression was that this world’s magic is just going to be garden-variety generic fantasy magic, which is a shame because everything else has a twist to it.
I would (very respectfully) disagree with Lily Fox about the very first card - I enjoyed the fact that you were forced to make a choice before the game mechanics exposed themselves. It’s just a matter of personal taste, of course, but it meant I was thinking about my character’s history rather than trying to “game the system”. I also liked the fact that the option I chose (guarding the Wall) unlocked a unique option on a later storylet, which again helped reinforce the sense of a personal history.
However, the downside of the fact the choice made such a big difference to my stats is that I felt pushed strongly towards a particular Always storylet - and then I found myself grinding that storylet, which was pretty boring. (Particularly since the aforementioned unique option was on that storylet too.) So I wonder if the balance is slightly off. Perhaps I’d have felt differently if there were more Sometimes cards to add variety - though I realise you’re just at the start of development, so I’m sure there’ll be more.
I too spotted the problem with the Crystal Shards; but if it hadn’t been for that, I’d have been left with that card stuck in my hand, with no playable options. So you might want to add a branch which lets you discard it.
Now, I’m afraid, one big criticism…
This is a delicate thing to say, but I’m going to go ahead and say it: the punctuation and (just occasionally) the grammar were too scrappy for me. It was hard for me to get properly immersed in the world, because I kept being distracted by missing full stops, or by homophone errors (you’re / your, etc.) I’d suggest that you go over all the storylets with a really critical eye or, if you don’t find it easy to spot that kind of thing, that you aim to team up with someone who does. Different people have different skills, and it would be a real pity if your imaginative ideas ended up hidden behind something as banal as missing punctuation.
Hope that’s helpful… looking forward to seeing more,
Cheers
Richard