Rackenhammer
Posts: 354
12/17/2014
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Oh, don't get me wrong, it's an absolute privilege to be among the vanguard ranks of Parabolan explorers, but...
10. Illusionist shows are even less entertaining when you know everything is real than when you suspect it's fake. It's like watching someone juggle with your work-tools.
9. Cosmogone clashes with pretty much every stitch of clothing that I own.
8. Every once in a while, a posse of Tigers mistakes you for a pawn of the Fingerkings, and you have to escape from the Labyrinth again. Sometimes this is not a mistake; still annoying, though.
7. Sometimes the home you come to isn't yours, and then you have a really hard time explaining to the owner and/or the Constables how you ended up there.
6. Parabola is no place for those uncomfortable around Snakes.
5. Or Spiders.
4. Sometimes you encounter a party of Honey-Dreamers. They resent interlopers.
3. And then there are the just plain crazy people wandering around the marshes, getting in your way, and generally making a nuisance of themselves.
2. There's always the risk that you'll become possessed by beings beyond the ken of man.
1. SUNBURN.
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"DO NOT TRUST HAPPY ENDINGS. DO NOT FEAR SAD ENDINGS... NEITHER ARE ENDINGS."
~
Mathieu Psmith: The Bard of Lost Children, loving husband, and a fixture of the artistic set. Can never resist making a show of things...
Irene Psmith: Adopted Daughter of Mathieu. Specializes in Information, Acquisitions, and the Acquisition of Information.
Vaughan Montblanc: Once a frontiersman of Western Canada, he now practices medicine in London. His discretion may be absolutely trusted.
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The Dark Gentleman
Posts: 188
12/18/2014
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I enjoyed reading this so much I kind of want to do one for all the professions. Examples:
Watcher: 7.) My Revolting Disguise, while handy for sneaking about undetected, smells as if it has spent a large portion of its life in a rarely-cleaned gerbil cage...
Conjurer: 4.) I'M ALWAYS GETTING INVITES TO ENTERTAIN BLOODY ORPHANS!
Licentiate: 5.) The pay is good, the work fulfilling, and the aura of mysterious danger certainly a plus, but in the end I'm basically somebody's glorified murder secretary.
Author: 3.) My Appreciation Society won't leave me ALONE. And they keep sending me Cellars of Wine. I'm trying to write, people! It's hard to do after drinking an entire wine cellar! (Don't drink all of it at once, you say? But it's there. And I'm an Author...)
Mystic: 3.) My Circle of Acolytes won't leave me ALONE. And they only send me one Cellar of Wine a week. I'm trying to inspire, people! It's hard to do without a good few drinks!
Rat-Catcher: 10.) I catch rats for a living. And some of them talk back. It's disconcerting.
Midnighter: 2.) I'm pretty sure there's a room in my house that I can't remember how to get to...With a big irrigo shrine in it. I think... Maybe not? Hmm...
Doctor: 1.) People don't die here. Why am I a doctor?
--
The Dark Gentleman~ Social actions welcome. Menace reductions upon request. Newspaper interviews by appointment. Falconry by invitation only.
"THE HOURS FEAR THE NAMES.
THE NAMES FEAR THE LONG.
THE LONG FEAR THE KNOW.
ALL FEAR THE HOURS."
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Rackenhammer
Posts: 354
12/18/2014
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Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. I may do one for my alt's profession(s), when the inspiration strikes...
--
"DO NOT TRUST HAPPY ENDINGS. DO NOT FEAR SAD ENDINGS... NEITHER ARE ENDINGS."
~
Mathieu Psmith: The Bard of Lost Children, loving husband, and a fixture of the artistic set. Can never resist making a show of things...
Irene Psmith: Adopted Daughter of Mathieu. Specializes in Information, Acquisitions, and the Acquisition of Information.
Vaughan Montblanc: Once a frontiersman of Western Canada, he now practices medicine in London. His discretion may be absolutely trusted.
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Zhorgren
Posts: 23
5/16/2015
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Not sure if I should revive this thread, but it intrigued me.
The 10 Worst Problems of being a Midnighter
10: These people keep showing up at my door to confess sins to some Saint. I enjoy my privacy, damnit!
9: I have a terrible memory. I'm not sure if that's related to the job, but I remember remembering more before I became a Midnighter. I think...
8: There’s a room in my house I've never entered. I keep telling myself I should, but I always seem to forget.
7: The name “Joshua” keeps ringing in my ears for some reason.
6: I think there are Players watching my house. I stopped meddling with the Game when I took this job. It’s making me very paranoid.
5: I can only recite 6 colours of the Neathbow. I know there’s a 7th, but I can never seem to remember it.
4: I’m sure there’s someone in my house, moving my furniture slightly. When I catch them…
3: I found a thief in my house, outside the room I've never entered. He couldn't remember how he got in. I swear, these people will say anything to avoid being arrested.
2: Purple gives me a headache, like some forgotten memory is trying to break free.
1: I don’t actually know what it is that I do in this profession. I keep getting paid, so I must being doing something, right?
edited by Zhorgren on 5/16/2015
--
"Elapsam semel occasionem non ipse potest Iuppiter reprehendere, Quoth"
"Shut up, Maggie"
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Zhorgren
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Tymek
Posts: 50
5/16/2015
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It is my calling, but the being a Correspondant has its downsides as well:
1. It's easier to accept baldness than continually replace wigs.
2. Your notes have a nasty habit of catching fire spontaneously and destroying your office.
3. Your complaints box is filled with cases of blinded students.
4. Colleagues collapsing as blood flows from their ears really interrupts the rhythm of meetings.
5. A single misplaced stroke of the pen can cause as much damage as one of the Revolution's bombs.
6. Your tailoring expenses shoot rise exponentially when you are on fire for most of the business day.
7. There isn't a force in the Neath that can remove Violant ink from the rug once spilled.
8. People seem to get awfully offended when your research undermines their beliefs or the basic laws of physics.
9. You become very familiar with the Boatman, and the Mirror Marshes, often one right after the other.
10. Have I mentioned how much fire there is? Quite a bit.
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Owen Wulf
Posts: 715
5/16/2015
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The 7 Worst things about being a Monster-Hunter:
1. The smell. Not only are the things you hunt ugly, but they smell bad before you kill them and then they smell worse right after.
2. Your line of work tends to burn through quite a few good coats. Just stop trying to look fashionable and wear lacquered armor, it will last longer.
3. You had to lose your dog to get this job. Granted, it chose to run away from you because it was horrified at what you became, but you will always have a place in your heart for that Stalker.
4. The Puzzling Maps I've piled up from this job are not useful for anything, but they might be later. Hence the pile.
5. The Notched Bone Harpoon keeps trying to induce me to kill those closest to me and hang their skinned hides. I then throw it in the closet until it behaves itself. Stupid harpoon.
6. Whether trudging through swamps or weathering the zee, there is never enough soap down here to wash away the blood and grime after a particularly savage hunt. Soap, soap - my Bazaar Emporium for a bar of soap!
7. You hunt some of the worst monsters in the Neath, but for some reason can not get around to hunting the Vake. Sheesh...
---
edited by Owen Wulf on 5/16/2015
--
 Owen Wulf's Profile  Lanzo Hoffman’s Profile  Lukas Uller’s Profile
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Catherine Raymond
Posts: 2518
5/16/2015
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The Dark Gentleman wrote:
I enjoyed reading this so much I kind of want to do one for all the professions. Examples:
<snip>
Doctor: 1.) People don't die here. Why am I a doctor?
Actually, being a Doctor can be great in Fallen London. No one dies, so you can't get sued, but if you're good with needle and thread you can help bring people "back" so much faster, so they won't be late for appointments because of an unexpected demise... You could make a killing as a Doctor (pun intended).
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Cathy Raymond
http://fallenlondon.com/Profile/cathyr19355
Catherine Raymond aka Mrs. Rykar Malkus http://fallenlondon.com/Profile/Catherine%20Raymond (Gone NORTH)
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Gerald Edgerton
Posts: 127
7/24/2015
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What, no love for Notaries?
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fitz
Posts: 91
7/24/2015
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Owen Wulf wrote:
4. The Puzzling Maps I've piled up from this job are not useful for anything, but they might be later. Hence the pile.
New Zailing mechanics! You have a use for them at last!
--
 Ô fitzGwahir
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Nigel Overstreet
Posts: 1220
7/25/2015
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Rackenhammer wrote:
Oh, don't get me wrong, it's an absolute privilege to be among the vanguard ranks of Parabolan explorers, but...
11. People keep asking if i'm Samuel L. Jackson from Unbreakable
--
The Romantic Egotist: Most Hedonistic Man in All of Fallen London
Are you or someone you know Overgoated? Please, let me know!
Cider Club
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Nigel Overstreet
Posts: 1220
7/25/2015
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Gerald Edgerton wrote:
What, no love for Notaries?
Top Ten Worst Things About Being A Notary...
10. I have to explain that "Nota Republic" is not a country.
9. Mr Irons keeps giving me bat taloned high fives.
8. Empty handed during Show-and-Tell job faire.
7. Having to wear a sign that says "Not a Real Lawyer" when in New Newgate.
6. People asking if I will notarize their genitals "for the pubic record."
5. I own nothing without ink stains.
4. Ergonomic chairs won't be invented for 100 years.
3. "So, you're like a Correspondent, but worse?"
2. "For the last time, sir, I will not notarize your duck!"
1. Tiny Tim's medical bills.
--
The Romantic Egotist: Most Hedonistic Man in All of Fallen London
Are you or someone you know Overgoated? Please, let me know!
Cider Club
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Vavakx Nonexus
Posts: 892
3/25/2016
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Top seven worst things about being an Agent...
1) It's a bother to come up with a reason for stalking someone if you meet an acquaintance.
2) You aren't actually told what to do. I mean, that was the norm before, but straightforward orders are extremely addictive.
3) You don't get paid. You have to learn your payment yourself. We agents really got the short end of the stick...
4) You must wear a boring jacket at all times. "Hard to notice" they say, "Easier to spy" they say. I want to have an identity, dammit!
5) Fellow spies want to have sexual intercourse with you to get your secrets. I know I'm a hedonist, but at least pretend to be actually interested in me beyond my knowledge!
7) Your reward for months of service to an unknown force? A chess piece! HOW IS A CHESS PIECE GOING TO HELP YOU BECOME A BETTER SPY!?
edited by Vavakx Nonexus on 3/25/2016
--
Amets Estibariz, the Moulting Eidolon: Cradled by a sun all their own.
Blabbing, the Hobo Everyone Knows: The One Who Pulls The Strings. A Clarity In The Darkness.
Charlotte and the Caretaker: A family?
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Amyntas
Posts: 72
3/26/2016
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11. You'll never be a Crooked-Cross.
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Amyntas. Zubmariner and aspiring romantic.
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Grenem
Posts: 2067
3/27/2016
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Some Worst things about being a doctor:
A. Most people don't get seriously injured often enough to qualify, which means i get to deal with idiots, revolutionaries, jack, and whatever imbicile has decided grafting on a tentacle is a good idea this time, if i want to actually save lives.
B. The normal people are so tedious.
C. by the time you can get the profession, you're rich enough the payout is almost petty funds.
D. I can't actually experiment with them, such as feeding them that suspicious cider knockoff. Well, for the really bad idiots, i do anyways, because they deserve it and they often don't notice, but still...
--
Married!:http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/takuza
I will accept all social actions that do not consume free evenings- and i will provide patronage to anyone who requests it, though it will be split between all requesters.
On psudeo-hiatus. Will be inactive and active and fluctuate without warning.
Grinding Favors without cards: http://community.failbettergames.com/topic22266-storylet-favors-grinding.aspx
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Pyrodinium
Posts: 639
3/28/2016
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Owen Wulf wrote:
The 7 Worst things about being a Monster-Hunter:
1. The smell. Not only are the things you hunt ugly, but they smell bad before you kill them and then they smell worse right after.
2. Your line of work tends to burn through quite a few good coats. Just stop trying to look fashionable and wear lacquered armor, it will last longer.
3. You had to lose your dog to get this job. Granted, it chose to run away from you because it was horrified at what you became, but you will always have a place in your heart for that Stalker.
4. The Puzzling Maps I've piled up from this job are not useful for anything, but they might be later. Hence the pile.
5. The Notched Bone Harpoon keeps trying to induce me to kill those closest to me and hang their skinned hides. I then throw it in the closet until it behaves itself. Stupid harpoon.
6. Whether trudging through swamps or weathering the zee, there is never enough soap down here to wash away the blood and grime after a particularly savage hunt. Soap, soap - my Bazaar Emporium for a bar of soap!
7. You hunt some of the worst monsters in the Neath, but for some reason can not get around to hunting the Vake. Sheesh...
---
edited by Owen Wulf on 5/16/2015
8. Zee-Eels give you a flirty look whenever you try to work in the Zee.
--
My profiles: http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Pyrodinium
(A Monster hunter on the hunt of his twin brother's killer. Overprotective dad of his twin's daughter)
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Rudolph~of~Taured
(an indeterminate person of potentially rubbery lineage)
* All social actions except photographers and loitering welcome!
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Estelle Knoht
Posts: 1751
3/28/2016
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Nigel Overstreet wrote:
11. People keep asking if i'm Samuel L. Jackson from Unbreakable
I must say, you don't look the type to wreck trains. More like the type that are drunk on said trains 
--
Estelle Knoht, a juvenile, unreliable and respectable lady.
I currently do not accept any catbox, cider, suppers, calling cards or proteges.
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Lamia Lawless
Posts: 604
3/30/2016
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This entire thread is golden. I found myself thumbs-upping everything.
Worst parts of being a Crooked Cross:
1) [Redacted]
2) [Redacted]
3) [Redacted]
4) [Redacted]
(The list soundlessly bursts into flames and crumbles into fragrant ashes.)
--
The Harmonic Hellfarer
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Amyntas
Posts: 72
4/1/2016
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Worst parts of being a Crooked-Cross:
1. Who's to say there's anything bad about being a Crooked-Cross?
2. Speaking in the broad sense - that is, the sum of all occupational miseries - the work of a Crooked-Cross could be of such infinitesimal misery that in the practical sense it might be said to cause no misery at all.
3. But, then, what is misery? Can anything be said to be truly, objectively the cause of something so subject to the whims of emotion and the harrows of experience?
4. By the way, while we're on the subject, are you especially attached to your soul?
edited by Amyntas on 4/1/2016
--
Amyntas. Zubmariner and aspiring romantic.
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