Karhumies
Posts: 75
12/23/2013
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A Delicious Guide to Fallen London - a work in progress.
Help requested.
Please submit your ideas about which things I should tackle in which order, how I should highlight the stuff in screenshots, any sample texts or snippets you may have, etc. etc. in this thread.
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Karhumies
Author of A Delicious Guide to Fallen London
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Diptych
Administrator
Posts: 3493
12/23/2013
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One thing I immediately notice: you talk about the difference between male and female clothing items, but it's worth noting that those items are the same whatever our character's gender, and any character can wear any item. In that sense, it barely warrants mentioning in terms of character creation at all! Also, as you've written it, it's not clear whether or not any gender of character can have a romantic relationship with any seduceable character - which they can.
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Sir Frederick, the Libertarian Esotericist. Lord Hubris, the Bloody Baron.
Juniper Brown, the Ill-Fated Orphan. Esther Ellis-Hall, the Fashionable Fabian.
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Karhumies
Posts: 75
12/23/2013
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A Delicious Guide to Fallen London - Chapter 1: Introduction
Your feedback is much appreciated.
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Karhumies
Author of A Delicious Guide to Fallen London
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dragonridingsorceress
Posts: 622
12/24/2013
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The Delicious Guide to Fallen London wrote:
females can wear frocks
"Frocks" just means dresses.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Beware not!
This is a very strange way of putting it.
The link at the end of the first page doesn't work yet.
You should probably put borders around your images, or change your background colour. The screenshots look a little odd with the grey Storynexus bar across the top, and then the black blending in with your background.
Where you have the descriptions of the four stats, I'd be tempted to put the icons next to your explanations. I would probably not list the stats as being associated with different factions, because they're not particularly.
The four are also not opposite to each other.
I know you're trying to simplify them for new players, but you'll only confuse them as they advance. I wouldn't include either of those here.
Also, the drawing with the red connecting lines - if you're going to keep these, turn the lines into arrows from each option to the stat, and use a different colour for each line. It just looks like a mess at the moment.
Delicious Guide wrote:
The mouseover text would also display the numbers, but that's a bit more difficult to screenshot.
It REALLY isn't clear what you mean by mouseover text. Try for a screenshot anyway. It shouldn't be that difficult - get the mouseover text onscreen, then press the Prt Sc button.
Also, the picture you have with with the caption Delicious Guide wrote:
Storylets! doesn't actually show storylets. It shows options within a storylet.
I would also suggest not linking to the middle of the comic during your guide. This is likely to be confusing/distracting for a new player.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Because the description of Veilgarden bolds Persuasive, I will choose to go there next. Should your character be different, go where your destiny takes you.
Again, meaning is not clear. You need some more text before the pictured captioned Delicious Guide wrote:
This must have been the fastest prison escape ever known to man? , explaining what the picture is actually showing, and that after escaping, you have the option of exploring areas of Fallen London.
Also, PLEASE edit the multi-screenshot images together. The line between them is frustrating.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Just click "Onwards" and worry about all this stuff later.
...Don't say that. They need to get in the habit of reading story results. Particularly since the summaries here ARE actually helpful for them, since FB are actually explaining some of the game mechanics to them. You'd be better giving a quick summary here, or at least saying something like "Read through these things. This is the main way the game will communicate advances and news to you after you complete an action. We'll explain what these particular ones mean in more detail later on."
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DragonRidingSorceress is an Author of good standing. Mostly good standing. She's happy to accept any social action except Photographer and Loitering, but requests warnings before duping/poisoning/etc.
Seeker of Names is a... being with an obsession. They're willing to accept all invitations.
One who seeks to know all that is and may be. One who dances in the silence of the void. One whose fantasies make the reality come alive.
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Karhumies
Posts: 75
12/24/2013
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dragonridingsorceress wrote:
"Frocks" just means dresses.
Replaced with "frock coats, which is what I meant.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
Delicious Guide wrote:
Beware not!
This is a very strange way of putting it.
I meant "Fear not!" or something towards that effect. Since the exclamation had no informational content, I decided to leave it out altogether.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
The link at the end of the first page doesn't work yet.
Created the link.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
You should probably put borders around your images, or change your background colour. The screenshots look a little odd with the grey Storynexus bar across the top, and then the black blending in with your background.
...
Also, PLEASE edit the multi-screenshot images together. The line between them is frustrating.
Created automatic borders to all images in the guide using CSS. Now, the large screenshots split into top and bottom halves due to screen resolution may look a bit odd. But otherwise, it has been an imrpovement. If you wish for me to change the border color to something else, let me know.
The editing together will be postponed due to non-standard cropping and resizing of the original images & my laziness.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
Where you have the descriptions of the four stats, I'd be tempted to put the icons next to your explanations.
I originally thought about this as well, but was too lazy to do it for the first version. Added.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
I would probably not list the stats as being associated with different factions, because they're not particularly.
The four are also not opposite to each other.
I know you're trying to simplify them for new players, but you'll only confuse them as they advance. I wouldn't include either of those here.
Example of Revised text:
Guide wrote:
Watchful: (Owl)
Watchful ~ Perception. Your ability to locate and see missing things, people and their motives, as well as hidden agendas.
Failing in Watchful challenges increases one's Nightmares.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
I would also suggest not linking to the middle of the comic during your guide. This is likely to be confusing/distracting for a new player.
Removed.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Just click "Onwards" and worry about all this stuff later.
...Don't say that. They need to get in the habit of reading story results. Particularly since the summaries here ARE actually helpful for them, since FB are actually explaining some of the game mechanics to them. You'd be better giving a quick summary here, or at least saying something like "Read through these things. This is the main way the game will communicate advances and news to you after you complete an action. We'll explain what these particular ones mean in more detail later on."
Revised.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Because the description of Veilgarden bolds Persuasive, I will choose to go there next. Should your character be different, go where your destiny takes you.
Again, meaning is not clear. You need some more text before the pictured captioned Delicious Guide wrote:
This must have been the fastest prison escape ever known to man? , explaining what the picture is actually showing, and that after escaping, you have the option of exploring areas of Fallen London.
Revised the text.
Delicious Guide wrote:
Also, the picture you have with with the caption Delicious Guide wrote:
Storylets! doesn't actually show storylets. It shows options within a storylet.
Attempted to revise the text. However, I would prefer to use somebody else's more accurate definitions/descriptions for these concepts in the Guide.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
Delicious Guide wrote:
The mouseover text would also display the numbers, but that's a bit more difficult to screenshot.
It REALLY isn't clear what you mean by mouseover text. Try for a screenshot anyway. It shouldn't be that difficult - get the mouseover text onscreen, then press the Prt Sc button.
Decided to leave out this confusing snippet for now due to my personal inability to screenshot this accurately. No need to convey that inability to the reader, I suppose.
dragonridingsorceress wrote:
Also, the drawing with the red connecting lines - if you're going to keep these, turn the lines into arrows from each option to the stat, and use a different colour for each line. It just looks like a mess at the moment.
On my to-do list, since I will need to modify the original rather picture than the published image to get a nice and clear result.
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Karhumies
Author of A Delicious Guide to Fallen London
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Richard
Posts: 304
12/24/2013
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Karhumies wrote:
If someone knows of better or easier-to-use tools for making the guide, let me know. Screenpresso is a great tool for capturing and annotating screenshots - and the free version will be perfectly fine for what you need.
Cheers
Richard
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