Owlor
Posts: 152
2/12/2012
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Because of this I was inspired to write a love-poem. Unfortunently, I could only fit the first few lines of my poem in a tweet. Here is the full version. Thi is intented to be a love-poem from a kind of unhinged perspective, creepy rather than romantic. I'll leave it to you to judge wheather I succeded or not, but for what its worth, I think I creeped myself out... Title suggested by streetfelineblue
Toadstools are red
Red like rust
Love can yield to
common lust
Scarabs are violet
Like amethyst
Love should be born
in a tryst
Secrets are black
black like a scream
I want to meet in
a honey dream
Memories are bright
bright like sin
I will know you
from deep within
Cats are tabby
Tabby and grey
I know I can wait
for just one day
Darkness has colour
that colour is blue
when the day is over
I'm coming for you
edited by Owlor on 2/12/2012
edited by Owlor on 2/13/2012
edited by Owlor on 2/13/2012
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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+3
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/13/2012
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Like that very much! Reminds me of the nursing rhymes about death in the Dylan Dog comics *_* (uhm, but shouldn't the second verse of the second stanza read "amethyst"?)
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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streetfelineblue wrote:
Like that very much! Reminds me of the nursing rhymes about death in the Dylan Dog comics *_* (uhm, but shouldn't the second verse of the second stanza read "amethyst"?)
Indeed it should, I changed it. Though when it is impossible to avoid rhyming a word with a word that otherwise rhymes, but have a plural "s" at the end, I generally dont sweat it. There's such a thing as slant rhymes after all.
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/13/2012
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I was actually very impressed with you making a rhyme with "tryst" *_* I didn't even know such word existed before googling it because of your poem.
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Link to Ocelot's Enigma Ambition hint page; PM for clarification. No direct solutions provided.
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+1
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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streetfelineblue wrote:
I was actually very impressed with you making a rhyme with "tryst" *_* I didn't even know such word existed before googling it because of your poem.
Hehe, I am a Scrabble fanatic, eventually, you start picking up words...
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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Patrick Reding
Posts: 440
2/13/2012
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I'm not sure hat actually rhymes, though. Isn't tryst pronounced with an "ai" vowel sound?
Good poem, though. Good poem.
edited by Patrick Reding on 2/13/2012
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http://echobazaar.failbettergames.com/Profile/Yana
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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Patrick Reding wrote:
I'm not sure hat actually rhymes, though. Isn't tryst pronounced with an "ai" vowel sound?
Good poem, though. Good poem.
edited by Patrick Reding on 2/13/2012
No, it has the same vowel sound, look here and here. However, in the past, I HAVE mistaken rhymes, because I speak english with a heavy accent, so even when I read things aloud to myself, I can mistake words that rhyme simply cus I pronounce them funny. Something that can STILL send me ranting is bush-rush that I used in a poem. The "u" sound in Bush is NOT the same "u" sound in rush, even though there's nothing in the spelling that indicates that. Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple...
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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Felicity Chase
Posts: 62
2/13/2012
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I love these! *_* The only line I might want to change is "Toadstools are red / the colour of rust" so that it scans slightly better, but that may be personal preference.
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@FelicityChase
Currently accepting: Almost all social actions. But please don't send me invitations to private dinners. And Nightmares may take a very long time to accept, unless you're willing to take some of mine in return.
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Patrick Reding
Posts: 440
2/13/2012
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My mistake, then. I have been shown who is the boss.
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http://echobazaar.failbettergames.com/Profile/Yana
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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Though this one needs a better title, "fools valentine" was jsut the working title, but it really needs to be changed (What is this "Valentines" thing you're tlaknig about? Down here we celebrate feasto f the exceptional rose)
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/13/2012
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What about, "The ballad of lost colours"?
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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streetfelineblue wrote:
What about, "The ballad of lost colours"?
Great suggestion, I think I'm gonig to take it.
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/13/2012
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Owlor wrote:
streetfelineblue wrote:
What about, "The ballad of lost colours"?
Great suggestion, I think I'm gonig to take it.
Happy you liked it *_*
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Link to Ocelot's Enigma Ambition hint page; PM for clarification. No direct solutions provided.
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/13/2012
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I was thinknig, should I simply make this the Neathy poetry thread? Certainly I cant be the only one who likes to write songs and poetry 'round here. If so, I'll simply rename the thread.
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"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/13/2012
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Well, if I come up with something I'll write it here... I'm not sure about the inspiration: Blue's a professional writer and poet, I, alas, am not XD
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Link to Ocelot's Enigma Ambition hint page; PM for clarification. No direct solutions provided.
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Owlor
Posts: 152
2/14/2012
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streetfelineblue wrote:
Well, if I come up with something I'll write it here... I'm not sure about the inspiration: Blue's a professional writer and poet, I, alas, am not XD
You want a tip? Villanelle, it is my favorite poetic form, since it has no fixed meter, and I am terrible with meter, but it has plently of rhymes and repition, two of my favorite poetic tools.
It goes like this: (a and b shows the rhyme scheme)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)
But its usually easier to understand by example, this is a villanelle from my favorite songwriter, Leonard Cohen,:
From bitter searching of the heart,
Quickened with passion and with pain
We rise to play a greater part.
This is the faith from which we start:
Men shall know commonwealth again
From bitter searching of the heart.
We loved the easy and the smart,
But now, with keener hand and brain,
We rise to play a greater part.
The lesser loyalties depart,
And neither race nor creed remain
From bitter searching of the heart.
Not steering by the venal chart
That tricked the mass for private gain,
We rise to play a greater part.
Reshaping narrow law and art
Whose symbols are the millions slain,
From bitter searching of the heart
We rise to play a greater part.
edited by Owlor on 2/14/2012
edited by Owlor on 2/14/2012
--
"He never really loved her. Or her money. He wanted her secrets."
Jack Owlfisher's profile (@Owlor on twitter)
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streetfelineblue
Posts: 1459
2/14/2012
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That reminds me a bit of Dante's terza rima... ABA BCB CDC DED etc. When I try I usually go for the sonnet, especially the ABBA ABBA CDE CDE (or EDC).
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Twitter: @streetfelineblu
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Link to Ocelot's Enigma Ambition hint page; PM for clarification. No direct solutions provided.
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