Kittenpox
Posts: 869
10/30/2015
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I was sent a confession request and three+ days later they had menaces enough for me to send one in return, so I accepted the one they sent... Only to find they decided to decline my own, and I don't know that it's worth me using more action points to find out what happened or try again. (Throwing good money after bad, and all that.)
They probably didn't mean anything by it(?), but suffice it to say it was a... disheartening turn of events.
How do most players do the whole Hallowmas confessions thing? Should I be anticipating this kind of thing, or was I just unfortunate in this instance / unwise to assume that mutual confessions is the norm?
(This wasn't the first confession request I've had rejected this year by someone who's sent me one, is all.)
.
edited by Kittenpox on 10/30/2015
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Kittenpox
Current [Fabulous Diamond] count: Twenty-Five (of 50). Halfway there! ^_^
Metaphysical Caprice: 11.
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Currently: Returned to the Neath, and regaining my footing in this place. :-)
NO PLANT BATTLES PLEASE.
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ruen
Posts: 47
11/1/2015
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Aardent Lore wrote:
Word to the wise, don't accept confessions when you are dead tired. You just open the door for misclicks. I speak from experience.
Yes, and many apologies to Sir Number-in-his-Username-at-the-Top-of-My-List. It would be great if, when adding someone, hitting enter meant "add" and not "send." 
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Ruen
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Lady Red
Posts: 517
11/1/2015
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It is a *little* bit annoying to have your invites declined (if you don't want to play, you could just keep your menaces down for the duration...), but I think any kind of list will just invite ill feeling. Best just to enjoy the festival with like-minded folk, I think!
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Lady~Red
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Kittenpox
Posts: 869
11/1/2015
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Rupho Schartenhauer wrote:
I am, honestly, a bit surprised that so many people seem to think mutual confessions are that important. I will accept confession requests from everyone, but I do not keep a list to make sure I send a request in turn each and every time. That does seem a bit bureaucratic, especially as there are gazillions of players out there just waiting for more requests.
Perhaps, but when they can spend 4 actions (three to gain my confession, plus one to conceal it) to get 4 Spirit of Hallowmas (and +6 next year) it seems terribly unfair when I'm currently spending at least 6-7 actions to get 1 Spirit of Hallowmas from accepting someone else's confession request and rebuilding menaces for the next.
My thoughts on this are that we can both benefit from this... so like please don't exploit me, y'know?
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Kittenpox
Current [Fabulous Diamond] count: Twenty-Five (of 50). Halfway there! ^_^
Metaphysical Caprice: 11.
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Currently: Returned to the Neath, and regaining my footing in this place. :-)
NO PLANT BATTLES PLEASE.
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NiteBrite
Posts: 1019
10/30/2015
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I know I've been only accepting confessions when I see someone has sent me more than one confession. This is to save them from sending more. One person sent me as many as seven, and I accepted one to stop the sending and save them some actions (although in retrospect maybe they sent 7 for asthetic reasons). I've also sent out duplicate confessions and it takes a few days to notice sometimes, but I always leave one active.
I'd say, it's to be expected a certain percentage of confessions will be rejected. Some people bite off more than they can chew and just can't accept all the ones they've got. Or they signed up for all menaces, but discovered they want to only do one type after all.
Not me though, I plan to accept every unique confession sent to me, no matter what (repeats have to be rejected though).
How much rejection is to be expected from others though? It's hard to tell. This is the first year we've ever been this organized. This year will be the benchmark we use to judge all subsequent ones. I think, largely though, most people will accept the requests they've received or make a good faith effort to accept as many as possible.
edited by NiteBrite on 10/30/2015
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I AM currently accepting calling cards.
Stats loss counter: reset, irrigo equivalent: none
[00:34] <@ortab> NiteBrite's laugh is that of a condemned soul gazing into the abyss.
Merciless Modiste avatar by Paul Arendt (based on an original image by Joe England)
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/TheBriteModiste
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Sara Hysaro
Moderator
Posts: 4514
10/30/2015
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I don't usually go out of my way to arrange mutual confessions unless they're going to be betrayals. I just send at random and will accept all the requests sent to me.
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Sara%20Hysaro
Please do not send SMEN, cat boxes, or Affluent Reporter requests. All other social actions are welcome.
Are you a Scarlet Saint? Send a message my way to be added to the list.
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Sara Hysaro
Moderator
Posts: 4514
11/8/2015
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They/them can also be gender neutral pronouns. Those two are my default pronouns to use when dealing with people on the internet, at least until I know their preferred one.
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edited by Sara Hysaro on 11/8/2015
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Sara%20Hysaro
Please do not send SMEN, cat boxes, or Affluent Reporter requests. All other social actions are welcome.
Are you a Scarlet Saint? Send a message my way to be added to the list.
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Kade Carrion (an_ocelot)
Posts: 1372
11/9/2015
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I am (cis) female, but I play as a character of mysterious etc., and for a while on the forums was deliberately not mentioning gender, but people always and only assumed I was male, so I eventually stopped.
Because the username & the icon aren't obviously gendered, I still had to put "don't assume I'm a dude!" notes into the Cider and Ambition: Enigma docs, though.
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Social Actions: send them to Kade Carrion (she/her; no Tournament of Lilies, please). an_ocelot has gone NORTH and cannot benefit from social actions!
Possibly-Useful Things: Spreadsheets and hints and link collections, oh my.
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Kittenpox
Posts: 869
11/9/2015
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On the topic of gender, I've found that using they/them/their has been a very good habit to have.
If you're talking to someone about a cis person with obvious gender, then their pronouns aren't terribly important. That guy over there's a dude. We know he's a 'he' without specifying it in dialogue. That lass over there would obviously be referred to as 'she', and nobody's going to suffer confusion or be terribly upset if I use non-gender-specific pronouns for her.
That, plus its saved me terrible embarrassment on a couple of occasions - and made it easier when in conversation with the few trans friends I have. It's been one of the few pay-offs that having a poor memory has given me. (I started using they/them because I'd draw blanks in conversation so even basic details would sometimes slip my mind. Not often, but often enough that overlooking gender was helpful as its one less thing to keep track of.)
As for Hallowmas, I managed to scrape to exactly 500 Spirit of Hallowmas. There were a few rejections and unanswered replies, which was disappointing - especially from those who had contacted me first rather than the other way around. And I had to reach out to some folks who hadn't contacted me towards the end there - so I apologise for spam to those folks (and to the ones I'd failed at keeping track of and had sent multiple requests.) There were a couple of sleepless nights, way more stress than I should have allowed myself to have, a fair bit of Fate expenditure to keep up with confession requests sent my way, and no small amount of my own sanity sacrificed for Hallowmas' sake... but I got there in the end.
Good times. :-D
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Kittenpox
Current [Fabulous Diamond] count: Twenty-Five (of 50). Halfway there! ^_^
Metaphysical Caprice: 11.
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Currently: Returned to the Neath, and regaining my footing in this place. :-)
NO PLANT BATTLES PLEASE.
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Siana
Posts: 26
11/9/2015
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"They/them" has always been the safest option when referring to someone, I find. Even with the cameos, it's probably better to wait until they've confirmed it. For example, on one of my alts, I had a female cameo and the player who messaged me still referred to them as "sir". It's not a major point, but it was still a little jarring.
Speaking of Hallowmas etiquette - as this was my first Hallowmas, I went in not having read up properly on how it worked and as a result spent my first few days of the event extremely confused and bewildered. Next year, now that I know the intricacies, I'll reciprocate requests and keep my stats up accordingly.
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Siana, the reckless and inquisitive Author.
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xKiv
Posts: 846
10/30/2015
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NiteBrite wrote:
This year will be the benchmark we use to judge all subsequent ones.
I would wait for the next - when, for the first time, everyone will have dozens of confessions to devour from (what will then be) previous year.
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https://www.fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/xKiv - a witchful, percussive, dangermous and shadowry scholar of coexplodence, hopsidirean, and walker of fallen kitties.
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colinsapherson
Posts: 191
10/30/2015
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When I've been rejecting confessions (because they're duplicates) I've taken the relevant player out for coffee and explained what I'm going to do and why. I've also queried once or twice why others cancelled confessions and they explained that it was, again, due to duplicates.
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Colin%20Sapherson%2c%20Lord%20President%20of%20the%20Council
Available for Knife & Candle Moon League matches, Tournaments of lilies and other social actions (including boxed cats and photographers).
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Strangewheys~Wandering
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/RUSKIN~WARE
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The Duke of Waltham
Posts: 150
11/1/2015
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This is my first Hallowmas, so I understand the confusion at seeing a withdrawn request, not realising that it was the second one sent by the same person. I've had only a single request rejected so far—at the very beginning, actually, by a confused player who didn't have the necessary qualities to accept it at the time. I sent a letter in-game to find out why, thinking that it wouldn't cost me any actions. I was rather disappointed to find out that the Penny Post does in fact cost an action.
colinsapherson wrote:
When I've been rejecting confessions (because they're duplicates) I've taken the relevant player out for coffee and explained what I'm going to do and why. I've also queried once or twice why others cancelled confessions and they explained that it was, again, due to duplicates.
When I find duplicates, I try to save myself the trouble of extra messages and actions by rejecting the first request and accepting the second in quick succession. I like to think that the resulting messages, one above the other in the requester's inbox, speak for themselves.
Pyrodinium wrote:
I only return Whimsy confessions if they specifically say so in their invite to me. Otherwise I just accept since me being proactively wearing the clay mask produced a lot of unreturned invites.
I know people look up names and preferences in the Google document, but how many look up preferences when reciprocating requests? I tried not to use the document too much (slows my laptop down), so I usually sent the same type of confession as that I received, unless that was impossible, in which case I checked whether that person was available for the other type.
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The Duke of Waltham welcomes requests for assistance from those troubled by menaces, and His Grace's townhouse is always open to visitors who will not attempt to steal the silverware or extract support for yet another ill-advised scheme concerning photographers.
H. Cartwright, secretary.
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Rupho Schartenhauer
Posts: 787
11/1/2015
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genesis wrote:
So I have several people who sent me requests but have not been available for return requests ever. I've checked many many times. I am not going to be spiteful and will certainly accept their requests (provided I have actions; I'd have to prioritise them down) but I was wondering whether it's worthwhile having a thread for names that people are waiting for.
The problem is it could come across as a bit of a name-and-shame (although that's not at *all* the intention), which I think is a major obstacle. Also, timing I guess. It's only a few hours till the lockdown so the efficacy of any such thread is probably questionable...
I am, honestly, a bit surprised that so many people seem to think mutual confessions are that important. I will accept confession requests from everyone, but I do not keep a list to make sure I send a request in turn each and every time. That does seem a bit bureaucratic, especially as there are gazillions of players out there just waiting for more requests.
I do keep a list of my sent requests to avoid sending duplicates. That's enough of a fuss already but totally worth it. I had quite a few people send me two (or even more) requests. Such a sad waste of actions!
The Duke of Waltham wrote:
When I find duplicates, I try to save myself the trouble of extra messages and actions by rejecting the first request and accepting the second in quick succession. I like to think that the resulting messages, one above the other in the requester's inbox, speak for themselves.
Exactly.
edited by Rupho Schartenhauer on 11/1/2015
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Rupho Schartenhauer has killed a Master, well: most of it.
Cortez the Killer has killed a Master, definitely.
Deepdelver has become the progenitor of London's brightest star. It's... complicated.
Dr. Kvirkvelia, gone NORTH on 23/12/1894.
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Kittenpox
Posts: 869
11/1/2015
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It wouldn't be such an issue if I hadn't cared about it at all (of course), and I'm pretty certain now that I've breached the 250 threshold and have a decent shot at 500 if the ones I've sent do accept in return. I sent a few extras during the night, just in case.
But I've just been really rather keen to get the top-level rewards for this and so have been rather focused on reaching 500 Spirit of Hallowmas, to the exclusion of everything else. :-)
.
edited by Kittenpox on 11/1/2015
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Kittenpox
Current [Fabulous Diamond] count: Twenty-Five (of 50). Halfway there! ^_^
Metaphysical Caprice: 11.
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Currently: Returned to the Neath, and regaining my footing in this place. :-)
NO PLANT BATTLES PLEASE.
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Pyrodinium
Posts: 639
11/2/2015
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The Duke of Waltham wrote:
I know people look up names and preferences in the Google document, but how many look up preferences when reciprocating requests? I tried not to use the document too much (slows my laptop down), so I usually sent the same type of confession as that I received, unless that was impossible, in which case I checked whether that person was available for the other type.
That's also a good strategy.
As for me, I just added to my post at the Hallowmas List that if the person behind the Clay mask wishes for me to visit them in return then they should say so in their invite. It worked quite well. People who don't want a visit simply sent me a default invite while those who want a visit gave me details on which one they liked.
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My profiles: http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Pyrodinium
(A Monster hunter on the hunt of his twin brother's killer. Overprotective dad of his twin's daughter)
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Rudolph~of~Taured
(an indeterminate person of potentially rubbery lineage)
* All social actions except photographers and loitering welcome!
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Sara Hysaro
Moderator
Posts: 4514
11/8/2015
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Was the word neutral accidentally omitted?
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Sara%20Hysaro
Please do not send SMEN, cat boxes, or Affluent Reporter requests. All other social actions are welcome.
Are you a Scarlet Saint? Send a message my way to be added to the list.
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Kittenpox
Posts: 869
10/30/2015
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Kylestien wrote:
Who was it? because I know i accidently deleted one and if it was me I'm sorry and resend.
I don't intend to name+shame, especially as I don't know their motives, and I'd hate to find I'd slandered someone over what might turn out to have been an accident. But no it was not you Kylestien. :-)
I am finding these replies helpful though - just having an idea of what's being considered 'normal' has helped a ton. :-)
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Kittenpox
Current [Fabulous Diamond] count: Twenty-Five (of 50). Halfway there! ^_^
Metaphysical Caprice: 11.
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Currently: Returned to the Neath, and regaining my footing in this place. :-)
NO PLANT BATTLES PLEASE.
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Riftare
Posts: 37
10/30/2015
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I too have over 50 invitations sitting in my inbox, and my apologies if I have not yet accepted your requests. I'm trying to work my way through them as menaces permit. Once we can no longer send requests for confessions, I will make a concerted effort to accept every request sent to me. I assume many others are doing the same, as I have many outstanding requests that I have sent that have neither been accepted nor declined.
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Rupho Schartenhauer
Posts: 787
10/30/2015
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@Riftare: There is no need to apologize! To put off accepting requests until next week is the most effective way of playing and therefore the usual tactic among those aiming for 500 Spirit of Hallowmas (or even more).
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Rupho Schartenhauer has killed a Master, well: most of it.
Cortez the Killer has killed a Master, definitely.
Deepdelver has become the progenitor of London's brightest star. It's... complicated.
Dr. Kvirkvelia, gone NORTH on 23/12/1894.
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Pyrodinium
Posts: 639
10/30/2015
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I only return Whimsy confessions if they specifically say so in their invite to me. Otherwise I just accept since me being proactively wearing the clay mask produced a lot of unreturned invites.
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My profiles: http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Pyrodinium
(A Monster hunter on the hunt of his twin brother's killer. Overprotective dad of his twin's daughter)
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Rudolph~of~Taured
(an indeterminate person of potentially rubbery lineage)
* All social actions except photographers and loitering welcome!
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Grenem
Posts: 2067
10/31/2015
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Kittenpox wrote:
Rupho Schartenhauer wrote:
To put off accepting requests until next week is the most effective way of playing and therefore the usual tactic among those aiming for 500 Spirit of Hallowmas (or even more).
I've read this is a thing (though I'm uncertain on the details), so I assume that's what some others have been doing. :-)
I've just been finding it irritating when it's not even possible to send one to them in return, and since it requires me to spend at least twice as many actions to accept than it does for them to send the thing but they get the benefit (and a chance to betray me too), it's like why should I bother with their request if they won't have the courtesy to do the same?
Nigel Overstreet wrote:
You could always message them with an alt and ask "What's up with that?" It was probably just a misunderstanding.
I messaged a few of the people and while I did manage to fix up some confusion I had with one or two of them, it also resulted in more of those deciding to send me *another* invitation to confess (rather than bumping up their menaces so they were available for me to send the action on my end) so I don't know that I worded it very well. :-s
Nigel Overstreet wrote:
But there is always the possibility, especially if they sent you a Confessions and then refused to allow you to reciprocate that conession for 3 days, that they never intended to accept yours in the first place.
I tend to think this unlikely. I don't think there are that many people who play Fallen London who would be that callous, though.
We'll see how it goes. :-s At the moment I have 87 Spirit of Hallowmas and 32 Confessions, though I don't know exactly what I need to do to reach 500 (or even 250) spirit.
EDIT: NVM, found yours and accepted. (choosing optimal options, you'll get 215 spirit using those resources, though i expect you'll have more comming in.)
edited by Grenem on 10/31/2015
edited by Grenem on 10/31/2015
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Married!:http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/takuza
I will accept all social actions that do not consume free evenings- and i will provide patronage to anyone who requests it, though it will be split between all requesters.
On psudeo-hiatus. Will be inactive and active and fluctuate without warning.
Grinding Favors without cards: http://community.failbettergames.com/topic22266-storylet-favors-grinding.aspx
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thedeadlymoose
Posts: 214
11/9/2015
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I use they/them or ze/zir in Real Life, and I certainly picked a Mysterious And Indistinct Gender main character intentionally for this reason.
They/them is also used in Fallen London for the Cat's Chiefest Claw.
Re: Hallowmas etiquette... I admit, I am curious as to how things will change next year, given how different this year was from the last!
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http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/profile/Eris~Jay
http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/profile/Red~Rose
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