What the community and third parties are building in StoryNexus
Playtest - DOCAP
Uberman
Posts: 19
11/25/2012
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Become an agent of the Deaprtment of Containment and Protection !
http://docap.storynexus.com
The concept is one part X-Files, one part Men In Black, one part Illuminati, one part The Secret World. You get the idea. Modern day setting with supernatural and creepy goings-on. Secret societies, magic, aliens, you name it.
This is my first shot at this so I'm sure I have a bunch to learn. Two things I already know ...
1. It's very linear. this is intentional as it's basically a tutorial mission. The next stage or 'rank' will have full exploration.
2. It's wordy. I know, I'm a frustrated writer and I just can't hold back.
Anyway, I'd love any feedback you can give, thanks in advance for your comments.
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xiaur
Posts: 8
11/25/2012
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Hi Uberman!
Here's some feedback in random order:
(WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW)
- The descriptions for "First Mission" quality are missing beyond rank 1.
- There's a spelling mistake in the description of "Handler: TableLeg" ("experinced" instead of "experienced").
- I expected to lose the "Info" quality when the first mission ended. I lost the containment bag and the handler, but "Info" remained in my inventory. A bug perhaps?
- There are spelling mistakes in the "Debrief" storylet: ("banch" instead of "branch", "detroyed" instead of "destroyed", "orgins" instead of "origin", "safelly" instead of "safely", "deamon" instead of "daemon", "unleased" instead of "unleashed" or "released", "namely" instead of "Namely", "privelages" instead of "privileges"). Finally, there's an unneeded space in front of some sentences (" Congratulations" instead of "Congratulations", " You contained" instead of "You contained", " Trainee" instead of "Trainee").
- There's a spelling mistake in the name of a quality: "Requesition" instead of "Requisition".
- There are spelling mistakes in the "The End ... for now." storylet: ("For here" instead of "From here"; I'd suggest "From now on" instead)
- There is some error in the "Daemon" storylet: ("It is not just a voice, it is a sounds in your brain, transmitted along..."). The entire sentence needs a rewrite, maybe into something like: "Not just a voice, a thousands of different sounds ring directly inside your brain, from the noise of a breaking glass through scratching an exposed bone, crying babies to barbed wire...".
- Another spelling error in the "Daemon" storylet: ("two" instead of "too").
- The mission is very difficult. Even if I take time to find "Info" and kick the doors, there's at least 40% chance of not being able to stop the daemon from entering the world. It may be discouraging for new players IMHO.
Now, the world itself is of course interesting and I'm looking forward to read more. I don't mind at all that the story is very linear. The choices are meaningful and there are consequences of them. I'd rethink the abilities system and the difficulty of the first mission.
Hope this helps,
Xiaur
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+1
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