The Starveling Cat! A rhyming competition

In celebration for finding 77 Starveling Cats solely from Cat Boxes, I’m giving things away! For free you ask? No I tell you! For what you ask? For your wit and intelligence! Only the best Starveling Cat rhymes will win, all others shall be left by the road side.

Entries will be open for a week, and will close when the new Exceptional Story comes out. After which winners shall be decided by both my partner in crime, fallingkitten, and I.

Some guidance:
The rhymes don’t have to be perfect
Don’t forget about Starveling Kets and Kitties!
Make all of your contributions in one post (don’t forget editing posts is a thing)
Rhymes with only one unique line can still get honorary mention prizes
You may look here for inspiration [x]

The prizes:

[spoiler]The Seeker’s Reward (2) - for the best Seeking related rhymes
Five Starveling Cats, four to stain your soul with and another as a keepsake

The Cafe’s Recommendation (5) - for the best
One Starveling Cat, one Parabolan Kitten, and five invites to the Temple Club

The Number (7) - ihavesomanycats, for honorary mentions
One Starveling Cat

Prizes subject to change depending on whether or not anyone feels they are inadequate or wants more.
[/spoiler]
edited by Cecil on 3/23/2016

The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Cecil gave it fame, in return it ate their hat!

The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Show it to an orphan, get rid of the brat!

The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat!
edited by Darkroot on 3/23/2016

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat,
Has cleaned out your cupboard
Faster than a rat!

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat,
Could eat all of London
And never get fat!

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat,
Attacked all your pets,
Even caught your bat!

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat,
Will catch every fly
Will eat every gnat!

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat
Will claw out your eyes
Sitting on your hat!

The starveling cat,
The starveling cat,
All attempts to rhyme it
Are doomed to fall flat!

Edit:

The starveling stole,
The starveling stole,
It stalks through your nightmares
Slides after your soul
edited by Loon on 3/24/2016

Edit 2:
The sterveling ket,
The sterveling ket,
The craziest creature
That I’ve ever met.

The stirveling kit,
The stirveling kit,
Won’t bulge from the doorframe
Not one little bit.
edited by Loon on 3/30/2016

The starveling cat, the starveling cat. Caught a spacebat, and was proud of that.
edited by fallingkitten on 3/23/2016

The starveling cat! The starveling cat! Tossed down a well, landed with a splat!

The starveling cat! The starveling cat! Scares the spirifers, that’s nothing to scoff at!

The starveling cat, the starveling cat! Made in a well or forged in a vat?

The starveling cat the starveling cat! Its always hungry for another rat!

The starveling cat the starveling cat! When it appears you cut the chitchat!

The starveling cat the starveling cat! It appeared and ruined the concordat!

The starveling cat the starveling cat. It was given away. It didn’t like that.

The Starveling Ket! The starveling ket! Inspires everyone to get in its gullet!

The Starveling ket the starveling ket! Don’t follow it or you’ll lose your headset.

The Starveling Ket, the Starveling Ket. You will ruin your life, so it doesn’t become upset.

The starveling kitten, the starveling kitten! It knows the things that are left unwritten!

The Starveling kitten the starveling kitten! Jumped in a well, it left frostbitten!

The Starveling kitten! The Starveling kitten! It was the cause of The Battle of Britain!
edited by suinicide on 3/24/2016

The Starvling Ket! The Starvling Ket! Eyes as dark as an oubliette!

The starvling cat! The Starveling cat! Dissolves your bones in an iron vat!

Starveling Stole!
Starveling Stole!
Am I merely here
To fulfill my role?

Starveling Stole!
Starveling Stole!
Not quite so subtle
It ate your mole

Starveling Stole!
Starveling Stole!
That’s what it gets
For staining your soul

Starveling Cat!
Starveling Cat!
It’ll always lie
When you want to chat

Starveling Cat!
Starveling Cat!
Deplores the merits
Of the technocrat

Starveling Kitty!
Starveling Kitty!
It’s owner is someone
You will want to pity

Life and Death of an Unusual Feline: A biographical tragedy in four verses

Parabolan Kitten!
Parabolan Kitten!
Got it for a rhyme
I had quickly written

Parabolan Kitten!
Parabolan Kitten!
Stuck in a crate
By zailors thrown in

Parabolan Kitten!
Parabolan Kitten!
Swam to Polythreme
On a Rusty Steamer

Parabolan Kitten!
Parabolan Kitten!
Met a talking mitten
And got eaten

(The above text is not indicative of the safety of my household in relation to Parabolan Kittens)

Hats of Iron: A comedy in 3 verses

&quotThe Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Is munching your hat!&quot
Told him a poor brat

The Rambunctious Cat!
The Rambunctious Cat!
Ate his hat whole
He can’t handle that!

The Overfed Cat!
The Overfed Cat!
Chewing up metal
Like it’s animal fat!

I cannot believe my poetic career starts with rhymes about crazy kittens. At least it’s not mushrooms.
edited by Vavakx Nonexus on 3/24/2016
edited by Vavakx Nonexus on 3/25/2016

The Starveling Cat!
She strikes fear into London.
That’s what she does best.

What, no haikus? Alright…

The starveling mog,
the starveling mog!
It won’t help you at all
to hide in London’s fog.

http://fallenlondon.storynexus.com/Profile/Johnny~Felix

The Starveling Puss!
The Starveling Puss!
Jumps at your face,
Makes you flinch like a wuss!

The Starveling Puss!
The Starveling Puss!
Claws at your lips,
In lieu of a buss!

The Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Beggars the butcher,
Gulps cream from a vat!

The Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Lock tight your larder,
And armor your lap!

The Starveling Malkin!
The Starveling Malkin!
Made shreds of your boots,
To keep you from walking!

The Starveling Ket!
The Starveling Ket!
Your blood gets an airing,
Your bones go unset!

The Starveling Kitten!
The Starveling Kitten!
The secrets it’s told,
The curses it’s spitten!

The Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Processes your soul,
Like Kopi Luwak!

edited by Wiwo on 3/24/2016
edited by Wiwo on 3/24/2016

My New Attic Dweller: A Tragedy in Two Verses

A Starveling Cat!
A Starveling Cat!
Oh you poor thing,
Let me give you a pat!

Ow, Starveling Cat!
Eek, Starveling Cat!
I tried to be kind,
Please don’t gnaw me like that!

The Starveling Ket! The Starveling Ket! Gulping down my food, it isn’t done yet!

The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Moves like a tiger! Looks like a rat!

The Starveling Kitten! The Starveling Kitten! In the wreck of your larder it still is sittin’.

The Starveling Cat! The Starveling Cat! Leapt from the mantel, squashed a Scarab flat!

The Starveling Kitty! The Starveling Kitty! Knows no remorse, sneers at pity!
edited by cathyr19355 on 3/25/2016
edited by cathyr19355 on 3/25/2016

The Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Knows some neat words
That rhyme with “Cat”!

(with apologies to Sir Pratchett)

You can bugger a Snuffer for just a few candles,
Or grab Overgoat’s horns and then use them as handles,
You can bugger a zailor right in his port of call,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger an artist (though he will come back),
And you can trust a spy to be great in the sack,
You can bugger Feducci after a good brawl,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger a Clay or a Rubbery Man,
As for buggering devils, you probably can,
You can do an L.B., though they’re terribly small,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger a tiger, if your name’s Millicent,
You can bugger ol’ Penstock to save on the rent,
For an orgy, just come to Ambassador’s Ball,
Yet the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

Urchins say, if you try, you can bugger the sky
Or a false-star as it sails so gracefully by,
You can bugger Bazaar until Sixth City’s Fall -
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all!
edited by Passionario on 3/25/2016

The Starveling Cat!
The Starveling Cat!
Eating our words!

As a collector of Starveling Cats,
I feel I should throw in my hat,
And construct a rhyme,
Since I have the time,
To post silly things such as that.

There once was a Starveling Kitty,
Who decided to visit the city,
The next one fell down,
With an awful ‘CRUNCH’ sound,
Quite frankly the results were not pretty.

While seeking a Master’s lost name,
You’ll meet a cat that can only cause pain.
It leaves a stain on your soul,
By eating it whole
And leaving what’s left in the drain.

The Starveling Kitten,
The Starveling Kitten,
Sit too close,
And you’re bound to get bitten.

The Starveling Cat is a ravenous beast,
Give it your soul and allow it to feast.

The Starveling Kitty,
Entered the Fifth City,
This poem has no rhyme,
I’m not your puppet.

And my personal favourite:

On the Boxing of Cats: A cautionary poem for the education of unwise sons, by H. DeGaul

Here, my child, is a little direction,
As your cat-boxing methods require correction.
If, unkindly, you unbox a Starveling Cat,
Take a hobnail boot and stomp the thing flat.
The wisdom of Starvelings, young boys should not seek,
Throw that mog in a fire before it can speak!
For the Ministry has quite rightly deemed the possession
Of a Starveling Cat as a most lethal weapon.
If you wish to grow wise, don’t hear its foul lies,
Bind up its tongue, gouge out your own eyes,
Set ablaze all your papers, shred all your notes,
Pour your echoes away and abandon all hope.
Listen, my son, to this godly advice,
The best thing that demon can give you is lice,
For no man was ever created to hear,
The monstrous mewling of cats in his ear.
The sulphorous spewings that Starvelings impart,
Take captive the soul, and rot out the heart.
So if you see Starvelings in boxes please flee,
Don’t chance them a glance or you’ll end up like me…
edited by Hark DeGaul on 3/26/2016

[quote=Passionario](with apologies to Sir Pratchett)

You can bugger a Snuffer for just a few candles,
Or grab Overgoat’s horns and then use them as handles,
You can bugger a zailor right in his port of call,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger an artist (though he will come back),
And you can trust a spy to be great in the sack,
You can bugger Feducci after a good brawl,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger a Clay or a Rubbery Man,
As for buggering devils, you probably can,
You can do an L.B., though they’re terribly small,
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

You can bugger a tiger, if your name’s Millicent,
You can bugger ol’ Penstock to save on the rent,
For an orgy, just come to Ambassador’s Ball,
Yet the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all.

Urchins say, if you try, you can bugger the sky
Or a false-star as it sails so gracefully by,
You can bugger Bazaar until Sixth City’s Fall -
But the Starveling Cat cannot be buggered at all!
edited by Passionario on 3/25/2016[/quote]

I love it! Though I’d replace &quotcannot&quot in the fourth line of each verse with &quotcan’t&quot.

Hmmm. Is ‘starveling’ pronounced as &quotstɑːv.lɪŋ&quot or &quotstɑvəlɪŋ&quot? I always assumed the former, but if the latter’s correct, then you’re right.
edited by Passionario on 3/26/2016

7 Day Reign is now out. Either the results aren’t public and I didn’t win(which is highly unlikely), or someone is taking their sweet time.

I was taking a mental health break but now I am back! You are correct, entries have closed. Since there were 15 entries and 14 prizes, and rather than leave one person out, you all get things! When fallingkitten and I have a moment to sit down and figure out what the words you have gifted us have earnt you, we will do so (within a day or two).