I have been in avid pursuit of Ivory Humeri, a veritable collector and connoisseur, and, having realized that my efforts were bounded by withering gazes and even accumulation of Scandal because of the company I had to keep during that pursuit, I resolved to spend much of October dedicated to the pursuit of Parabolan Orange-Apples, whereupon, like the proverbial ant who repeatedly goes back and forth laying in provisions for the coming harsh winter, so also did I trudge back and forth to Parabola with prodigious stocks of shards of bone, which, I should add, did nothing to remediate my reputation, and I did this in anticipation of Hallowmas, during which my scandalous behavior was not seen with derision, nay, but rather with praise in harmony with the season, and I accumulated something more than twice one hundred of the valuable bones, a frankly improbable number, most of which still remain in my possession, so I was greatly surprised when I learned this morning that there had been a great panic and thankfully that my preparations of such a large position had insulated me somewhat from The Great Bone Market Crash of '98.