The Benthic College Department of History

As some of you are no doubt aware, the fine members of Benthic’s History faculty are always on the lookout for fresh documents and artefacts. If any of you have uncovered items of historical interest - for example, the unpublished diary of an Army officer during the war with Hell, or a temple scroll uncovered in the Forgotten Quarter, or any other curios acquired during the course of your no doubt legitimate daily transactions, the History Department will be happy to serve as a repository for your finds. Direct all inquiries to our Temporary Interim Assistant Associate Vice Sub-Dean of History and Co-Curator of the Historical Library, William the Marshal. If your inquiries should not be answered promptly, please be patient, as the T.I.A.A.V.S.D.o.H. is no doubt engaged in important historical research, or alternatively is somewhere in Veilgarden trying to remember his name.
edited by William the Marshal on 1/30/2015

The first deposit was a carefully wrapped piece of blue cloth, with one brass button attached to it with a loose thread. “I found it in the Forgotten Quarter; by the temple with the two three-headed snakes.” He strokes his goatee thoughtfully, as he continues. “No doubt you recognize the weave, and the button is conclusive. This came from the Grande Armee, in the time of Napoleon. 1805, I should say. I don’t know how it came here; perhaps Paris was a candidate for the 5th City?”

“Ah, yes.” He brings the scrap of cloth to his nose and inhales. “Blood and powder-smoke. Quite a bouquet, is it not? I’m sure I can find a place for this in our French collection, as soon as I convince those meddlesome Special Constables that it’s part of an educational institution and not the headquarters of a ring of foreign spies. Which may take some time, thanks to the average intelligence of our beloved Specials.”

Your announcement has, in addition to the erudite curiosity collectors, also attracted a more…unusual sort of contributor. The man now approaching the T.I.A.A.V.S.D.o.H offices could supply the Museum of Mistakes with a great many exhibits, as his entire personage appears to be created of nothing but mishaps, but you cannot imagine what he’s doing here. “‘Ere. Foun’ et inna gutter inna Fergot’en Qu’ter. Issa…iss squishy. An’ old. Yers, def’nitely old. Whacha gimme fer it?” Good lord, is this man attempting to sell you a sackful of mud…?

The Sub-Dean eyes your sack with a dubious gaze. He leans over, carefully avoiding contact, and glances in. “Perhaps you might be better served at the Department of Pseudo-Geology - or,” he adds as he notices a large thing squirming in the bag, “the Experimental High-Speed Biology Laboratory.”

After returning the grubby and slowly writhing sack to the equally grubby man, (Making sure to carry the accursed thing at arms length on its way out.) you have him wait outside the T.I.A.A.V.S.D.o.H. offices. He protests at first, but you are able to placate him by mentioning that you must go and discuss with your supervisor how incredibly valuable his discovery is, and how he’ll get his echoes if only he’d wait one sodding minute. At least this gives you more time to think of some way to kindly persuade him to leave. While considering this, you suddenly hear a muffled scream, and a series of horrific crunching noises through the closed door. When you cautiously open the door again, the man is gone, with only a spray of red liquid that you don’t think is paint and the now-empty sack left behind. You seriously doubt he’ll be coming back for his payment. Oh well, this isn’t the first time there’s been blood on these walls. It comes right out with just a little bit of elbow grease. And you would think by now that the neighbors have gotten used to the screaming by now. You cautiously kick the unoccupied sack out the door and onto the curb. As for the rest, you’ll clean that up later. There are still more deposits to go through.