I’ve been running out of things to do lately, but I was just struck by a wonderful idea. Having already pledged my support for the bishop’s upcoming campaign, I shall lead my own company beside him in the invasion of hell.
I shall purchase a company of companions best suited to fight the devils. What should It be comprised of? How should they be equipped? Obviously my hound of heaven shall be in the forefront, but I can only have one of him. Also I must consider how to spend my limited funds. Would the devils be most intimidated by 10 Bengal Tigresses, 40 Ruthless henchmen, or 140 Araby Fighting Weasels? Which companions would you choose for this expedition?
I have been considering this very question myself. To destroy a devil’s body takes some doing, of course. But if you have tried it recently, you may understand why I believe that the final coup de grace is best delivered by an agile flying creature, one which can spot its prey in complete darkness and which is accustomed to devouring insects. I plan, in short, to bring rather a large number of bats when we storm the Gates of Hell.
Have you really considered the upkeep cost of that many sodding crickets? I mean, yes, you can dispatch half-useless casualties via the nearest overgrown houseplant, but at a certain point you’re going to either be doing a lot of unnecessary work or having a lot of angry bats on your hands. Also, how much damage can a bat do, anyway?
As a counterpoint, however, maybe making all the chiropterans particularly surly by leaving out the cricket rations would make them even fiercer combatants. At the very least, a cloud of cursing, hungry bats might prove a handy distraction and an ammunition sponge. Precisely how ruthless are you feeling at the moment?
Although the efficacy of an individual chiropteran in combat may be limited, in aggregate, they can affect prodigious results … metropolitan translocation, for example.[li] edited by Lady Sapho Byron on 3/20/2017
Given enough time, they’ll take another city–Wait, what kind of bats are we talking about?
I say! Regardless of what you choose to take with you, make sure the Number is present to protect you and your followers. 77 Working Rats to keep your engines running, 777 Weasels to keep the morale high and the hunger low, 7 Overgoats to carry your banners, and at the very least one Slug of Fine Pedigree.
EDIT: Dear my, I’m not the only one who vouches for the power of certain bats. edited by Slyblue on 3/20/2017
I do believe that Mister Bjhearts means to employ bat swarms as a means of capturing the bees after they have left their fallen devilish vessels, thus preventing the devils from replenishing their numbers. Bearing that in mind, such a tactic could deal a mighty blow to the devils’ morale. I daresay it would make them run like a bat out of hell.
Well, I’ll agree that our ratty fellows are a resource which we Londoners too often overlook. Treat a rat with a bit of respect and he’ll do as good a job as a man, and eat much less in the bargain.
It’s true that it would be rather amusing to drop, say, the Iron Republic on top of Hell, and see whether they like living with their own experiment. But I have already specified the use to which I intend to put bats: namely, to deliver the coup de grace. To follow my reasoning, you may peruse the following evidence. Be warned, however, that you might come to regret delving into such mysteries [i.e. spoilers behind the links, at least if I’ve managed to link them properly].
My conclusion, then, is that devils in their true forms are very much vulnerable to attack by agile, flying carnivores, even rather small ones.
Edit: The Masked Felon - who seems quite a reliable sort, on the whole - has divined both my intent and the theory behind it. edited by bjharts on 3/20/2017
You people are mad! You plan to storm the gates of Hell without pious henchmen? You would need at least a hundred of them to even get past the gates so make sure you bring alot of pious henchmen, of course, there is simply no way you could be safe in Hell without a certain kind of bats, normal ones won’t do it, but even if you get that far inside you won’t be able to fight the devils without a ridiculous hat, a decoy to entertain them is simply necessary to be able to use your army of pious henchmen(I see my education at the church of anti satanism has finally paid off).
Install the devils as the rulers of London, help the criminals break into the Bazaar the devils now inhabit, and while they’re there help the revs bomb down the whole place. After that there’s only revolutionaries left, and they’re so self-destructive they’ll keep bombing themselves until all is dust.
[quote=IgnatuStone]I’ve been running out of things to do lately, but I was just struck by a wonderful idea. Having already pledged my support for the bishop’s upcoming campaign, I shall lead my own company beside him in the invasion of hell.
I shall purchase a company of companions best suited to fight the devils. What should It be comprised of? How should they be equipped? Obviously my hound of heaven shall be in the forefront, but I can only have one of him. Also I must consider how to spend my limited funds. Would the devils be most intimidated by 10 Bengal Tigresses, 40 Ruthless henchmen, or 140 Araby Fighting Weasels? Which companions would you choose for this expedition?[/quote]
[li]
Guns. Lots of guns.
Just maximise urchin favor so they’ll let you borrow a cannon or twenty.
I’ve grown rather fond of my home and treasures in London. Can’t we just send swarms of Criminals and Anarchists down the Moloch Street Station line straight into Hell, like a giant meat grinder.
Then we can send the Church and Constables in to mop up the rest. How much bribery and other resources would be needed to fund this "expedition"?
What I’ll do with get a bunch of uttershroom sporules and get them as close to the mountain of light as I can. They would then grow into immortal Kaiju Blemmigans. After doing so much propagation I may be owed a favour by the uttershroom, I’ll see if I can convince it to resurrect old glory from the chelonate to do the tanking.
If hell is invaded the bishop of southwark will turn up.
I don’t think It would be to difficult to convince the dawn machine to join the attack. Since it views itself as a god it would naturally be opposed to the devils. I wouldn’t want the dawn machine to take over, sometime it is better the devils you know.
[quote=bjharts][quote=Henry 0th]
If hell is invaded the bishop of southwark will turn up.
[/quote]
Well, I should bloody cocoa.[/quote]
I think what Henry meant to say is, "If the Bishop of Southwark turns up, Hell is invaded."