Given the addition of divorce in player-marriages, I suspect that more people will pursue them, since it won’t lock people out of the interesting romances, should this become optimal.
I know that none of the current romances interest me, save with another player, but i also know that should certain characters become availible, that would change. As such, player marriage was intimidating, since once i did that i was commited for life.
Now that it’s temporary, should it prove neccessary, i’m a lot more likely to pursue it, and i wish to ask- what are the social moores of etiquite?
How well do you need to know one another to begin flirting? how do you discuss the possibility that you are uninterested in the more carnal aspects, but merely in the marriage itself and prolonged freindship with another? What is the social norm for romances, assuming that’s what you’re after?
(Should you share the burden of setting up the marriage, or simply take all the duty on yourself? Is the marriage payout shared, and if not, which should get the payout?)
Well, before you can get engaged, you have to admit your affection for the other character, so that would probably be a good point to discuss if marriage might be in the future and what the terms would be.
[quote=Grenem]Given the addition of divorce in player-marriages, I suspect that more people will pursue them, since it won’t lock people out of the interesting romances, should this become optimal.
I know that none of the current romances interest me, save with another player, but i also know that should certain characters become availible, that would change. As such, player marriage was intimidating, since once i did that i was commited for life.
Now that it’s temporary, should it prove neccessary, i’m a lot more likely to pursue it, and i wish to ask- what are the social moores of etiquite?
How well do you need to know one another to begin flirting? how do you discuss the possibility that you are uninterested in the more carnal aspects, but merely in the marriage itself and prolonged freindship with another? What is the social norm for romances, assuming that’s what you’re after?
(Should you share the burden of setting up the marriage, or simply take all the duty on yourself? Is the marriage payout shared, and if not, which should get the payout?)[/quote]
Who will shoulder the costs? - I remembered Pyro providing the rats (yes rats) for the marriage since he’s a POSI and his bride wasn’t. I think 50/50 split would be reasonable though for most people. The other can take over the preparations after one is okay with their quota.
Will you do Romance RP? - personally, I was a bit awkward here since back then I have no IRL xp about love. I’ll honestly ask upfront if we’re talking as players vs. as make believe lovers. I’m more open for the former since I prefer keeping the love part IRL ;) . But if you’re both game with RP’ing lovers then it’s totally fine.
Frequency of spouse related social actions - this is probably more gameplay related since it burns Free Evenings but has decent item, Second chance and MW payouts. I think this is something the players must talk about. Will they dedicated 1 or more FE’s per week or simply ignore this bonus?
How well should you know the other player - I’ll weigh my potential relationship with them based on their in-game interactions and forum posts. If a really helpful forum member is available for marriage then I’ll ask them first (or their alts) for marriage.
Character stories - we should also look if the marriage fits well with the partners’ narratives. For example. a Heartless Spirifier might not sit well with a Magnanimous Shepherd.
Constant Communication - whether via messages here or through in-game interactions, both parties should alert each other if there are changes IRL that might affect the things that I talked about in the above-mentioned points. This is also needed if one is no longer interested in continuing the marriage.
I can see it now. Threads filled with lonely Neath singles in your area. Mix and matching with random strangers of any race, sex, gender, and possibly even species. Finding the true love that the gods of the Neath destined you to be with. Meet thousands of Londoners on a journey to find out if any of them are…THE ONE.
In all seriousness, the relationship mostly depends on yours and the other party’s preference. You can think of it as a marriage of convenience or what-not with the other player in-game. Some people even marry their partners IRL who also play the game, though that makes break ups all the more messier :(. You could play it just as a game mechanic, you could RP with one another for fun, and you could even RP enough scandalous writing to even make a Blemmigan blush if that’s your thing. Overall, it’s just what you two want out of it. Be sure to mull it over and once you’ve made a decision you can propose how you want to go about the marriage with your partner. Or just talk it out with one another from step one. Whatever floats your boat.
As for finding a partner, it’ll probably need to be someone that you’re familiar with on the forums, in-game, or both. Get to know them a bit by talking with them, know their character, and get to know the kind of person/figure they are on the forums. Find someone you like that sounds up your alley, is well known and liked by you on here, gotten to know said person fairly well (friendship or even just acquaintance), and is someone that you think would have your character blushing? Great! You can continue dating and eventual marriage from there. If not, don’t worry. It’ll take time, of course, so just wait until you find someone that aligns well with how you’d like to deal with marriage with another player. Or don’t. Again, that’s your call, buddy.
Cost is, again, whatever you two decide on. I myself paid almost if not entirely for our marriage just because I was really excited about the whole thing and within a few months had enough supplies to get us near the highest wedding you can afford. A bit unconditional, but fun nonetheless. I don’t quite remember, but I believe that both parties benefit from the marriage and both go through the same storylet of inviting guests and cashing out all the points they racked up on talking to friends and even getting a letter from the Queen if they had grinded enough. Be sure to talk that out with your partner before deciding to go head first into the fray, and hopefully the two of you will come to a fair agreement. edited by Sir Joseph Marlen on 2/6/2016
Now that I’ve thought about it for a bit, I believe there was once a thread on the Enlist Other Players section of the forums where people talked about who they wanted to marry and how they wanted to go about it. It would be interesting to see the thread revived (that is, if it was real and not just some FL-inspired fever dream) or perhaps someone making a new one updated with everything current on marriage.
This one? Go on, revive it! (necroing is such an ugly word - revivifying sounds much better) ;)
Concerning etiquette: I really don’t know. My character Deepdelver is married to a PC - we never discussed anything about it OOC. She started out as his protegée, and we did a fair amount of RP social actions besides. I got the impression that the two would be a perfect fit, so I declared my affection for her. She responded positively, and we played it on from there… since there’s nothing else married couples can do right now, we’re having dinner regularly ;)
I never felt the need to "discuss" anything… you can just build up the relationship with the FL social actions, starting with a Calling Card ("I saw you at Lord M-----'s salon last weak but was to mesmerized to speak to you…"). It’s just like in RL, be bold and speak your heart! :) That reminds me, there was also a thread about someone’s unlucky attempts at romance at an earlier Feast…
this rather logical and material discussion of marriage is a tad creepy.
Personally, i see the feature, such as it is, to be most useful for those who are in a relationship in real life. i’m not sure i’d use it outside of that setting
[quote=Nanako]this rather logical and material discussion of marriage is a tad creepy.
Personally, i see the feature, such as it is, to be most useful for those who are in a relationship in real life. i’m not sure i’d use it outside of that setting[/quote]
The same things happens in real life with craigslist personals and online matchmaking services. And it should be each to their own, much like Pyrodinium’s six points, which are oustanding I should have said something. I definitely think those six points should be incorporated into a marriage thread if one is to come to pass.
@Rupho: those threads are both priceless.
Relationships in the 'Neath could be much as they are on the Surface, or they could be pragmatic game decisions intended to extract the most benefit. In this light, the fact that spouses (spice?) can’t do anything makes matrimony a bit unglamorous, and hence many players marry this NPC or that solely for the point benefit it will bring. When one is dating, there are such nice opportunities to spend those Free Evenings.
Now that divorce has become active, though, and with the upcoming Feast of the Rose, some coordination ala what we did for Hallowmas and Sacksmas makes sense, and I shall open such a thread forthwith. The Starveling Cafe should make a thoroughly appropriate place to coordinate the Search for Love.
The most important thing is to remember there’s a real human behind each character, and at best, they are likely to be very pleasant acquaintances instead of close friends.
Of course, it helps to be clear about what you want right from the start, but don’t keep your expectations high, since people do have real life to deal with and a browser game really doesn’t take priority.
This might sounds like common sense, but I have seen enough of the twisted, abhorrent, Chinese-invented gaming romance mechanics and people to prove otherwise - even if I have faith in the social skills of this community, people can get carried away.
If I get married, it will only be for the Empress Letter, to add to my collection. Preferably with enough points left over to talk to Mr. Irons afterwards. I don’t care if they would divorce me the next day (As long as I don’t lose the letter).
@Cecil: precisely. I figure the Cat Exchange thread can be for those who want to message/gift others, and the other thread for those who want to, um, hook up. Netflix and chill, as it were.