I can tell from the view count that people are reading "Memoirs of a Success", but I’m wondering if people are enjoying it and if there are any comments on it.[li]
Not looking for pets and accolades, just the truth.
I’m having a quiet read now.
Like it - but it seems to swing from ‘these are my memoirs’ to a diary type entry. Just a little inconsistent. (But I’m a professional pedant, so please ignore me here and anywhere else.)
I think it’s a good summary of life in Fallen London - but if you want it to be more of a story, I’d be less general. Currently it seems like you’re trying to mention every aspect of the game. I’d be more focused. That said, I’ve no idea how much you’re trying to write - were this to be novel length, significant back story is fine. Short story - I’d be a lot more focused, and allow details and mention of factions to appear in passing, as though the narrator is assuming the reader will know the world. (As unless your character is intending to get the memoir sent ‘above’, the reader will have to be someone familiar with the world.)
Depending on how the character’s life develops, the tone is good. Though I have an irrational dislike of the word babbies. Perhaps it’s linked to my highly rational dislike of babies.
I’m curious as to where it will go, and will keep reading. But feel to keep my attention you’ll need to start focusing on one thread.
Those are some really good obeservations.
One thing I was trying to achieve is a scattered feel. Someone who has become absent-minded enough to get easily distracted when it’s an ongoing thing, as this is.
On your suggestion, I’ll work on limiting myself to one aspect or another, possibly the Hell connection, but not ruling out the Society connections either.
When I started it, I was intending this to be only a character story of myself, but as it developed, it is working its way into becomming something more, so some of the details I don’t know yet, and I don’t know how much “cannon” material I can use here, or even if I am using cannon items.
So thank you.
[quote=Joy Phillip]Those are some really good obeservations.
One thing I was trying to achieve is a scattered feel. Someone who has become absent-minded enough to get easily distracted when it’s an ongoing thing, as this is.
On your suggestion, I’ll work on limiting myself to one aspect or another, possibly the Hell connection, but not ruling out the Society connections either.
When I started it, I was intending this to be only a character story of myself, but as it developed, it is working its way into becomming something more, so some of the details I don’t know yet, and I don’t know how much "cannon" material I can use here, or even if I am using cannon items.
So thank you.[/quote]
Perhaps do a story outline of at least the main arc so you have a clear goal, and incidents you wish it to pass through before reaching it. Even if the character is scattered you need to have a path seeming apparent to the reader, or they won’t know whether the scattered nature is intentional or you don’t know where it’s going. They may give up without hanging around to see which is the case. Perhaps make even the distractions relevant.
See: Chekhov's gun - Wikipedia
That’s a little harsh, but it IS a good rough guide. (Don’t get lost reading the glory that is TVTropes: Chekhov's Gun - TV Tropes )
Ahem: "canon" :-p
edited by babelfishwars on 7/23/2013
I really enjoyed reading through them. I may be a bit opposite to Babelfish in that I like you touching on such a wide variety of topics in the Neath. I think limiting things to one or two main topics would be a disservice to the complexity that is life in London. Regardless, keep up the good work.