In-Character bug reports /RP joke thread/

I’m a relatively new player and I’m not sure if this is the right forum for this, but it seemed the best fit.

I’ve submitted a bug report recently and this part of the auto-response cracked me up:
&quotFrom time to time, people submit in-character or jokey bug reports (‘your electronic telegraph device informed me of implosions’, etc.) We appreciate the impulse, but honestly, it makes it much harder to figure out what’s actually going on - so please clarify in plain English.&quot

So I thought why not make a thread, where people who have that impulse can have at it so I can crack up some more! :D For my and others’ pleasure! Perhaps letting it all out would allow them to resist the temptation and make a clearer report and make the job of the support people ate Farebetter that much easier ;) Or if you did actually make such a joke report before, post it here so it will not go to waste (adding some apologies to the team perhaps ;) ) Or just invent something or rephrase your previous report if you had an idea!

So, submit your bug reports here. Perhaps we can roleplay a whole conversation between a Vermin-Concerned Citizen and a Ministry of Vexatious Pest Control official?

I would like to avoid larger spoilers as much as possible, though

P.S. Oh, and while we’re at it, have you had the urge or have you accidentally responded in a Neathy manner to someone in real life?