Happy Ratmas!

Fallen London
1

Today, the seventh of December, is officially the holiday known as Ratmas! Officially! It’s a long-standing tradition, you know. I didn’t just make it up! Where are you going? Come back!

Okay! So! Ratmas! What is it? It’s a very simple holiday to follow. This is what you do: Send rats. To other people. Easy, isn’t it?
This year’s Designated Official Rat Targ- er, Acceptant is none other than Alexis Kennedy!
Confused about how to send rats? Here’s a tutorial!
First off, you’ll need to find this card:

(Seekers of the Name can also use the Restitution card, to roughly the same effect)
The card contains two different kinds of rats, which you can then send! I’ll let you choose whichever you want. I’m sure you can be trusted with good decisions.
You may send rats to Alexis Prime, or his secret, incredibly well hidden alt account. Be sure to attach a message! Maybe you want to submit thanks in advance for all the lovely Christmas content, or thanks for existing content, or a declaration of spite and hatred. The decision is yours!

Acceptable gifts also include cats, surprise packages, jewels, stabbings, betrayals, calling cards, snubbed acquaintances, Christmas cards, boxes of exploding misery… but rats are best and most good of all. [color=rgb(68, 68, 68)]If you’re incredibly rich, you can send Fate! I mean, he already has about a billion fate, but go ahead I won’t stop you.[/color]
If you’re struggling to find rats: Use Unfinished Business in Spite, hunt a rat in the Department of Menace, or just buy them from the Bazaar. They’re only tuppence apiece.
If you end up being aggrieved by the RNG, you can also draw the Gift card at your lodgings, using Write Letters. It’ll cost you 1 fate, but surely that’s an acceptable price to pay for rats, right?

If you’ve fallen on hard times, you can instead use a letter and the power of the Imagination

Perhaps, though, the quantities of rats offered by Fallen London seem… inadequate. Thankfully, a simulation exists to provide you with all the vast quantities of rats you’ll ever need to send!

I think that’s everything! Enjoy the holiday season. Carouse, and send rats. Be merry. And send rats. Rats.

Alternate titles: St Rattus’ Day, Raturday, That Day With All The Rats In, Faber Festivus


edited by Spacemarine9 on 12/7/2013

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Nowhere is safe! Nothing is sacred!
We are Ratsquad! We are the last line of…
Uh.
Rats, I guess?

Anyway, time to spend all the Fate NiteBrite gave me on rats! I lost my banked Give A Gift by entering the Nadir.

puts on sunglasses It’s rat time. B)

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Now I know for sure that all will be well.

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All will be rat.

Not a mouse. Not in the end. Not for long.
[li]

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A rattening will not be postponed indefinitely.

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Let the rattening commence and cease not until it is December 8th everywhere on this earth.

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Seven is the number of rats. Seven and seven and seven.

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We wish you a Merry Ratmas and a happy new… rat!

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Poor Alexis. He will never escape you, will he.

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A visual representation of Ratmas (did we ever figure out the text limit?):

422×556 61.7 KB

(Edit: can now confirm that it’s below 2000 characters.)
edited by mayexist on 12/7/2013

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Why would you want to run from it? Imagine - a legion of aggrieved postmen bearing an endless procession of furry dead bodies? Your door buckling, the windows shattering before the seething tide?

All shall be Rat.

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It’s somewhere less than 4000 words that’s all I know.

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You do realize you’re basically the Pied Piper, right Spacemarine9?

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After I wound up with 60k+ rats in RSS2K13, Alexis’ mailbox is now squeaking quite a bit more than it was before. See you all next year.

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Alexis Kennedy is going to get so many rats. If only I was good at making cake. I’d make a rat cake and take a picture of it! Though my parents would probably be very confused about why the cake was a rat. XD
edited by Sara Hysaro on 12/7/2013

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All will be rat.

[li][/quote]

[/li][li]The well will be full of rats.[/li][li]

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Best. Thing. Ever.

(Today.)

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[quote=Alexander Feld]You do realize you’re basically the Pied Piper, right Spacemarine9?[/quote]To blow the pipe his lips he wrinkled,
And green and blue his sharp eyes twinkled,
Like a candle-flame where salt is sprinkled;
And ere three shrill notes the pipe uttered,
You heard as if an army muttered;
And the muttering grew to a grumbling;
And the grumbling grew to a mighty rumbling;
And out of the houses the rats came tumbling.
Great rats, small rats, lean rats, brawny rats,
Brown rats, black rats, gray rats, tawny rats,
Grave old plodders, gay young friskers,
Fathers, mothers, uncles, cousins,
Cocking tails and pricking whiskers,
Families by tens and dozens,
Brothers, sisters, husbands, wives –
Followed the Piper for their lives.

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Dashing through the Neath, on a one-rat open sleigh,
O’er the shrooms we go, ratsending all the way!
Tigers in fezzes sob, as the rats pile high,
What fun it is to send some rats and make the postman cry!
Oh, jingle rats, jingle rats, jingle all the way!
Oh what fun it is to send rats on an open sleigh, hey!
Jingle rats, jingle rats, and merry Ratmas Day!
Oh what fun it is to send rats on an open sleigh!
edited by Laluzi on 12/7/2013

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Rat butts roasting on an open fire
Big Rat nipping at your nose
Rat-tide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up in irrigos

Everybody knows a ratcorpse and some lacre snow
Help make the season right
Tiny rats with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know Ratgoat’s on his way
He’s loaded lots of traps and poison on his sleigh
And every Faber’s child is going to spy
In the hopes that they won’t die

And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To rats from one to ninety-two
Although it’s been said many times in many ways
A very scary Ratmas to you
edited by Dolan on 12/7/2013